Things are fine. Work is good, life is good, health is at least OK...
Spring is coming, slowly but surely, weather is great and the kittens are outside the whole day...
Writers block is slowly resolving, but it'll need some more work :)

But enough of silly ol' me. How are you doing?
Hopefully everything is at least OK-ish.

Life remains slow going, albeit at a breakneck speed. Not sure how it's even possible it's March already..

Doing alrighty! ^.-.^
There's been lots of heavy storm near the coast where I live. But regardless, I got my hobbies to do at my hobby room! ;3

Things are incredibly stressful on my end. I'm my mom's caregiver right now and she has Parkinson's and dementia and its getting more difficult to take care of her.

My husband is in the air force now and is in Texas for his part of his training. I'm hoping to move to Monterey Bay in May when he goes there and I'm able to actually live with him. I'm also unemployed since I quit my job to help out with my mom.

So things are difficult and tense right now unfortunately :( but thank you for asking.

Damn. I'm really sorry to hear that. I've been there and I remember how rough that can be. Do you have anyone you can lean on? Are you taking breaks for yourself when you can?

I have my husband and my aunt and friends to lean on but they are all out of state. We do have another caregiver who comes in 3 times a week so I try to take time for myself then but it's not enough unfortunately

Is he training in San Angelo?

No he's at Lackland Airforce Base he's training to be a linguist

Oh, it has been a couple of decades for me, but I do remember something that portions of DLI were being separated from the Presidio.
Like I said, I’ve been out of the game for some 30+ years

Awe <3 You're sweet to ask, man.

Tbh its been... rough. Looong time without a job and super tight on funds. This year and last ive been really trying to figure myself out, mental health wise. I feel like I'm not doing enough, and not making enough progress fast enough. I realize one can't exactly rush these things. But I worry that in the meantime, life keeps happening at me, and if I don't "get my shit together" soon, I'll miss out on opportunities and life will get even harder. Which... doesn't help ease my anxiety over it hah. Ah well... <3

But what about YOU!? It's been ages since I read a journal from you. You were afraid of losing your eyesight iirc? And well, overall you've been through a lot, skimming through the old entries. I wish you all the best and much strength and wisdom to tackle life and suck out its marrow!

Yeah, I feel ya. The last few years I've been on edge but these past few months have really cranked things up a notch.

Thankfully my eyesight has stabilized. I'm more worried about my glasses. They're 20yo and every time I go in to get new ones, they fuck it up. I can't keep throwing money at the problem. I've already spent thousands over the years. Even tried calling the doctor who made these for me but they didn't have my script on file. XC

Anyhow, keep fighting the good fight. ♥

working through stress, anxiety and depression.... which I ignored for way too long and now have heart palpitations as a result. Let this be a lesson kids... TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

Yeah... Amen to that.

It's 2025.

Ya know, when I was a kid, I thought that by now, we'd be entering into the post scarcity techutopian Golden Age. Hah. Haaahhh....
-maniacal cry-laughing-

We wanted Star Trek, but what we got was a very grey and washed-out Neuromancer.

We are in the dumbest timeline.

I take offense to that. Neuromancer's world had life, it had colorful characters. It had teenagers changing clothes at the speed of memes, Panther Moderns, drugs, dive bars, capsule hotels, tasteless arcade games based on recent wars, drugs, pod houses, rich assholes up on a o'neil cylinder space colony where they left us mostly alone, and a UN police force to investigate AI crimes,

Like most cyberpunk, it's actually a much better world than the one we got, with more freedom of self expression, more cybernetic medical technology, and less gentrified areas where you can be arrested for looking too homeless/gay/trans/foreign/punk.

Search hard for offence, and you'll find it anywhere you want.

Read what I said again, and be offended by this instead.

feeling like talking to brick walls

I know that feeling. :\

Very bad, feel like I will be loosing everything starting over from ground zero again soon
IF thing don't improve this month

I'm sorry to hear that. I know the feeling. :\

...Still quite struggle for now

:3

I'm fine, I hope you are doing all right Silverone.

I am hanging on somehow.

Meh, things are going well enough to keep going, not well enough to hit a few goals I was looking forward to. That's life, I guess. How are you doing?

Still alive, somehow. ♥

Fuuuuck the time change.

Yup. I've been struggling to get a good night's sleep this past week and the time change added an extra layer of kicking my ass.

I'm doing alright, thanks. I hope you are too.

Hanging in there.

Well, I haven't had to light anyone on fire yet today!

Hah. XD

Being a suicidally depressed husk of a person, like I've been for over a decade, eh.

Ya know, I feel that. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and give myself this piece of advice: Shit or get off the pot. Either live, laugh, toasterbath OR live life on the assumption that you are actually some-goddamned-how gonna make it to 40+ else you'll end up mired in a hopeless, unplanned-for future because you assumed you'd be dead by 30. Alas, time travel is improbable or impossible and all we can do is bear the relentless yoke of time into tomorrow.

been doing fine

Strange. So many things is happening in the world, yet I feel kinda… chorded. Symphonious lol. I’ve met a lot of new people and I feel like doing right things. I wish more people could find that harmony for them.
Thank you for asking. I’ve fully realised recently that someone’s interest is a very important thing, so I want you to know that I highly appreciate your move.

Oh?

Mother died unexpectedly from CO2 poisoning now solely own 6 acres of riverfront. Getting very close to opening my makerspace. Trying to get back to arting

My condolences.

existing

The weather's turning towards seaonal Spring, smells nice without the eventual influx of pollen. I wasn't hit as terribly as expected by the loss of the hour. Day's nice and relaxed.

In the here and now? I'm doing quite good! Thank you for asking and I hope you're doing well enough or better than past times, Silverone.

It's been.. a mixed bag.
My grandfather told me my brother passed away. Happened a couple years ago, he died from COVID but no one told ME, I just assumed he didn't want to talk anymore. THEN my grandfather up and died too, but that was after a long battle with lung cancer, which he smoked heavily all his life and had multiple surgeries to remove parts of his lungs, so not too surprising, he just went downhill really fast
Then, my SO's mom passed away very recently, and I was left to take care of the house while he took care of things halfway across the US, forced to use all of my available PTO to do so because his mom isn't directly related to me so I don't get bereavement.
I'm finally getting my thyroid issues looked into, and literally all of my other blood tests came back picture perfect so I get to rub it in my Drs face that I'm not just a lazy diabetic (not her words, but the way she was reacting said everything I needed to know) and maybe I'll finally be able to get my life under control.
Got a new dog who is very soft and squishy and sweet, if an absolute airhead, and we've started doing conformation show training and going to little local shows, so I've got that going for me which is nice.
Work is absolute butts, but that's what ya get for working in a local government office in a term election year I guess, with reorganization coming up in the next year so I'm really not looking forward to that - though middle of next year my boss retires and I take over for her which should be a 100% ish pay increase, even if I have to leave the union (PTO benefits are still based on what the union agreement is, and I get to keep paying into my pension at the union rate as well, so that's nice, though I will have to pay my own insurance which will be a huge increase from $20/mo to $200/mo which sucks but it's pretty much in line for what typical insurance rates are).
Big stressing at work though because I've been put in charge of a large project that I honestly don't have control of the timeline for but am being expected to do so? Idk what they want me to do about the fact a third party company has a longer lead time than anticipated, as we've signed a contract, and at this point I'm starting to feel like I'm just being used as a scapegoat for when it goes tits up, idk. I'm doing my best here.
I hope you're well - I know life's been a bitch to you far more than it has been to most people I know, so it almost feels like a dick move to complain at all.

No job with no real hope getting one except maybe getting my old one that was destroying my health back, economy crashing, all education is pretty much a really bad investment thus but more is probably required for a slight chance for anything, just payed double to my tax service than what I would have made in returns, questioning existence, watching my country's politics is like watching my childhood bedroom burning down where even if someone put it out all of the stuff I valued is gone, all sense of dreams feel pointless, can't focus on things that would slightly help my situation like learning a new editing software and thus increase my possible jobs, though that last one is more of my own fault.

But other than that it's fine, I'm not being evicted from my parents house any time soon, even that does create some tension between me and my parents with my current struggles, and my cat is still alive currently. I could have a way way worse situation, and I know that, though it doesn't reduce how things feel, but ultimately, things are alright currently.
Though I gotta be careful how much I say that, because I don't want to say that and then find out my parents have 24 hours left to live or something similar, I don't know if I can handle that at the current moment.

Oof, I'm tired but hanging in there! Been busy lately. How are you doing?

Same. It's been a hell of a time but I'm hangin on.

lol, this ended up being more than I expected to write.

In a gilded cage, jaded and tired but comfortable enough. Selling a majority of my conscious existence to barely pay the bills, stuck at an employer which perceives their workforce with active contempt. Staying because I know the entire industry is the same. There are no good jobs and no such thing as a good company to work for so "good enough" is better than worse alternatives. The weeks fly by with little optimism for the future, and I'm painfully aware of each hour I'll never get back. Most of my time is not my own and my mind aches during the long gaps between minor pleasures. The sense of powerlessness is a heavy weight on my mind. Maybe three or four times a year I get a chance to get out of the city and have a brief, blissful, manic day or two of intense delight road tripping to somewhere out in the beautiful nature around my home state, before it's back to the grind in this soulless suburban sprawl.

Society is careening toward chaos and violence, fundamentally structured around ruthless profiteering with no regard for unmarketable consequences. The collective consciousness has rotted into factional tribalism and short sighted selfish individualism driven by irrational anger, hatred, and anti-intellectualism. I'm filled with a sense of profound disappointment and gut-wrenching unease about the future which lies ahead.

I try my best to avoid those spirals of dread and fear and despair and loathing. It doesn't change the inevitability of my circumstances and I can't go back and change the course I'm on. Even though a disproportionate fraction of my life isn't what I'd prefer and the future looks bleak, there's plenty I have that makes the present tense livable.

I get to come home every night to my loving spouse and we have a strong, cooperative relationship. He cooks very well and I never go hungry. I'm living with a group of mature, functional adults contributing positively to the household. My roommate's cat has adopted me. She's social, talkative, and very affectionate while exhibiting literally no problematic behaviors whatsoever (I've never had a cat before so I realize this is fortunate.) I've started making necklaces and collars out of woven paracord and it feels nice to be wearing one again when I'm at home. I still doodle occasionally, sometimes even successfully. Writing is an indulgent escape to happy places in my mind. I learned my cousin had a dusty old guitar with two broken strings that he wasn't interested in, so I cleaned it up, changed the strings, and started trying to learn how to play. I totally suck but it's not as inaccessible an instrument as I thought it would be, and you can't beat free as the cost to entry. I can make sounds that resemble music. I have a nice sounding set of speakers in the bedroom when I want to immerse myself in all the new old music I've been downloading and hoarding. The speakers also old relics I acquired for free. I picked up a neat little mirrored cube light that has a really pretty sound-reactive mode that dances to the music. Even if I don't have frequent opportunities to listen, it makes it more special when I do get a few hours for it. Outside of that I find I often have a song in my heart. My car and computer are still in good shape. I'm making moderately successful efforts to stop drinking alcohol while quitting is still a painless and relatively easy option. I'm trying to go for more walks too.

Typing that out puts things in perspective and I honestly feel a tiny bit better for it. I'm stressed, tired, bitter and pessimistic about the vast swaths of apprehensions I cannot influence. I am forced to find energy to maintain the minimum required to function each day. But at least regarding the circumstances closest to me, all in all, I'm doing better right now than I have been in 15 years.

Now to click submit before I edit and write any more, haha

I found a lot of this to be deeply relatable (also, well-written!). If it helped you, then I'm glad.

It's been a pretty good year so far, if a little strange. I started a... sort-of... part time job back in December but it's weird. I have no qualifications at all for what I'm doing (consulting to a commercial real estate group) so the Imposter Syndrome level is off the charts. Not a lot of hours and not real high responsibilities, but I feel out of place. These guys are kind of playing it by ear, too; they've only been doing this for a couple of years so we're learning together.

Mentally and emotionally, a mix of everything: stress, anger, anxiety, depression, optimism, pessimism, frustration, apathy, exhaustion, happy (that winter is coming to an end), and big hefty dose of WTF. So how's you?

This actually sums up my feelings fairly well.

Oddly enough spectacular. Although the world is a total dumpster fire right now. In this moment things are great.

ooweewooweewoo, uh, picking my life up after the start of the new year and ideally landing this new job
-
weather is cucking me. false spring happened then it got cold again so i'm sad :c and cold. but hopefully it'll pick up next month.
-
working my way back into illustrating and studio work. trying to build a portfolio again after ages of working a day job trying to get by and dealing with mental health.
-
hope you've been doing well!

I'm okay. Working on small things around the home.

I'm surviving for now.
Just worried about you.
*hugs*

-hugs- No worry. My country hasn't fallen over yet.

*extra hugs*
Can't help it, I always worry about you.

I don't think literally anyone has been doing well for like 15 years

I can't speak for anyone else but that's about when things started sailing down hill for me. I don't even know how the fuck I've survived this long. Still hangin on somehow though.

I want a house. And all the republitards to get raptured.

Same.

mood.

Not dead, broke, or single, though the margin is tighter on some of those that I would like
Hopefully you are doing well

I'll let you know after I see my cardiologist today.

Apparently, I'm going to live for awhile.

Good! :D

Everything sucks, want to get thrown out into space, however silly Bandai ant makes life worth it.

Yeah, I hear that.

Friend of 3 years and I had a break-up yesterday, but I hope it'll be for the better cuz the dude was very high maintenance. Still hurts a bit though. Beside that I'm hoping to soon be done with the cold that followed the NFC conflu...I miss the gym xP

I hope things are looking up from where things has been for you!

I'm sorry to hear that. That's rough. :\

It's going bad; my uncle finally passed which depressed my grandma, I got fired the same day he passed, and my mom is taking out things on me. Rather than just give up, I'm redoubling my efforts to look for work. Got seven months of sobriety but given society right now, I think that shit is overrated but I'm gonna get my year chip first.

Hang in there bud

I'm sorry to hear it. That's brutal. Good on you for managing to stay strong through all that though.

its all good

Better? On a personal level I'm dealing with shit, improving my health to semi-normal levels, and have a gaming PC for the first time, played Pacific Drive for the first time. I'm sure a delivery driver following orders from multiple bosses who disagree on everything because they're broken messes of burned-out adults, talk highly technical shit, local memes, and noodle incidents you can't ever hope to understand, scrape past WTFwasthatHOLYSHITBBQ with poor documentation when you do stop and read the manual, just barely find enough scraps to fix yourself up and patch enough shit on your busted rusty-ass old car, to head out there and do it again tomorrow, isn't a metaphor for anything any of us can relate to.

On a world level, I'm watching the tidal wave of hate that's been building crest, and I'm waiting for it to crash down. Wierd disconnected mood as 90% of people I know IRL are optimistic everything is going to be better now, and 90% of people know online are doomers, and the mood on Bluesky is dispatches from a post-apocalyptic dystopia rallying the citizens of Bartertown to fight because the dust and diesel of Immortan Joe's warboys is on the horizon, laced with furry porn and pagan BDSM.

> On a world level...

I feel like this is because people can become very detached from each other, insular, all in their own little balkanized communities. Some people are going to be absolutely fine through all this. Some people are literally going to die. A lot of people are going to struggle. So in a way, they're all kinda right? The coming years will be very good for certain people and very bad for others. My wife is blind and disabled. I'm also the primary care guardian for my sister, BIL, and their child who are all developmentally delayed. I'm pretty sure things are going to end badly for us. But the billionaires are going to be enjoying their nice tax cuts.

-hysterical giggling that slowly devolves into sobbing-

Man, I feeeeel that.

I'm not sure to be honest? Thinking about it, most things aren't very good. But I'm happy with the few things that are?

Fair.

I'm alive. Life is... life. I exist. I wish I had more detail and color to add to this, but I don't. I wake up, I sit down in front of my computer, I eat food or do random tasks, I go back to bed. Nothing special, but then no news is good news they say. And considering all else that I see going on in the world, I'm happy my little bubble is still unpopped, so I won't complain.

Valid.

Welcome back. How have you been lately?

The year has been uneventful. Well, job-wise anyway. I left my shitty retail job about ten days 'till Christmas of last year, my trade-to-job program is still dragging their heels in terms of getting me both certified and working again, and lately, I've been applying for various jobs and helping out with the occasional yard-work & apartment cleaning because I need the $$. Bills and grocery stores do not care that I am currently unemployed.

I'll occasionally serve as a volunteer timer for district and national swimming competitions within my city and state.

I'm hanging on, more or less, thanks. :)

Watching the dumpster fire burn, and trying not to get caught up in the flames. Typical Thursday.

Had to have heart ablation surgery end of last year, so that was fun. Lost 40 odd pounds since then thanks to drastic diet changes. Silver linings, and all that.

Dang. Well, congrats are in order, I suppose. That's no small feat.

Been playing around with film photography again, finding joy in that. It's been a long time since I ripped through a roll of 35mm. It's been nostalgic and fun.

I finished Death Stranding.

Did you like it? I've heard some mixed reviews.

It's one of the best video games ever made... If the way it sucks is your specific jam.

Do you like planning your route and ensuring you have the correct equipment for the journey? Do you like picking up too many orders because you're going that way and you want to maximize your efficiency? Do you like all your meters and discreet status effects actually mattering a lot? Is the lore dump screen your favorite screen?

... Do you like throwing piss and shit at ghosts? If so this game's your jam!

If not you might still like it cause it's got that Genius Kojumbo nonsense. But otherwise probably not. Death Stranding is what happens when you take an 80's arcade game concept and execute it to the maximum. Deliver packages, dodge ghosts, take hot baths, poke your fetus aquarium, there no end to the WTF. Also Higgs is fun, I'm glad Higgs is back in the sequel.

Huh. I'm sold. I'll give it a whirl. :3

Be sure to build the race track (directors cut only) and roads ASAP. The roads speed your deliveries a lot, and unlocking the Roadster at the track gives you the fastest delivery vehicle in the game. I regret not getting it as early as I could.

And find the collector early (he's in a canyon wall near the distribution center in the central region. Getting to Mama's lab reveals his precise location). Get him two starred, the backpack cover is very handy for saving weapons and equipment, they aren't repaired by repair spray.

Oh, and don't worry too much about getting everyone five starred early on. New deliveries unlock with everyone for every new person you find, so it's easier to max them out after more main missions are done, it also unlocks more online structures that help your deliveries.

Noted! Thanks. :D

Recovering, not gonna sugar coat 2024 got extremely rough financially and some parts of my social life. But things have turned around and they slowly ooze forward. Get out of this hole soon one does hope!

Goodest of luck. ♥

Well, my state is trying to make my existence a felony, and the AG wants to undo all trans DL changes....

But other than that I'm ok. I'm trying to be productive and carry on while being prepared for the possibility I might have to pick up and go, if the worst happens. But providing it doesn't, I'm working on my writing and going to try to get as much of it out as I can.

Yeah. A lot of people are about to be fucked without lube by Temu Hitler, myself included. My wife is blind and disabled. She receives some laughably small pittance of aid for this, some of which was just taken away without warning for no reason. We expect the rest may go soon. Them it'll be down to me, a self-employed artist, to support the both of us entirely on my income.

I'm also the primary care guardian for my sister, BIL, and their child who are all developmentally delayed. If they lose their aid, I don't know what will happen. I cannot support all of them and my partner.

Anyhow, stand strong. I'd like to think this isn't going to be forever.

My partner as well. He relies on social security, and if they mess that up I don't know what we'll do, to say nothing of if I have to relocate.

I'm doing what I can to help, donating to Equality Texas, starting a video series where I talk about uncomfortable topics, and trying to raise awareness and keep myself out of survival mode.

Good! I'm interested. You got a Youtube channel?

I do!

https://www.youtube.com/@IridescenceStudios

Most of my content is Vlogs, Furry book reviews, sometimes videos about my stuff or interesting things I come across, and now at least as of tomorrow, some political commentary.

Thanks. :3

the biological egg doner died. i know own 6 acres of river front clear and clean. refurbing the main house so a close friend can rent it . almost have the shop done and open . ummmm. magically holding a good mood .

♥