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Thoughts, opinions, ideas: You got em? I need em.
2 years ago
Gather, children, for the drama du jour....
Here's the abridged summation of a summary of the cliffnotes of some context:
In March of 2021, my mother received a diagnosis of S4 lung cancer. Only a week later, my partner received a diagnosis of S4 lung cancer. Almost an exact year later, March 3rd, 2022, my mother died. She left my sister, BIL, and their child in my care, all of whom are developmentally delayed. Only a month later, BIL was diagnosed with two different forms of lymphoma. Only a month after that, my partner's license was revoked due to a diagnosis of narcolepsy. Then she went blind due to a combination of retinitis pigmentosa and a detached retina.
At that point I was taking care of my sister- a sociopath with an IQ under 70, her husband- who is a little more tolerable, their child- an unpotty trained 5yo who still is not speaking in complete sentences, my partner of 12y- a blind, narcoleptic cancer patient with lupus, WPWS, POTs, pernicious anemia, lumbar spinal stenosis, fibro, IBS, Von Willebrand's, and EDS (which is destroying her teeth and we can't afford to fix them because the American healthcare system doesn't think teeth are important and NO dental colleges will touch her because she's a cancer patient and it has at points gotten bad enough that she has resorted to pulling out her own teeth), ten cats (I have one cat, my sister dumped her cat on me, my mother left me two when she died, and my partner has six), and a house big enough to home this shitshow. The ONLY reason I didn't end up destitute in the streets at that point is because my stepfather generously allowed us to stay in his house so long as we pulled our weight and kept the house clean.
October first of 2022, my sister removed herself, her husband, and her child from my care. At that point, I suggested to my stepfather that we downsize. He agreed. We cleaned up the house, put it on the market, and it hadn't even been on the market a full day when we got a bite. Family came to look and pulled an ABRUPT U-turn due to cat smell. They had no other complaints and would have given us full asking price. So basically, the cats cost my stepfather a day-zero full-asking sale of his house.
Needless to say, he is pissed. We have a month to rehome at least half of the cats or GTFO.
A few problems:
(1) I've spent hours on the phone and every single damn shelter I've called is either full up, doesn't take cats, or "we'll get back to you" and then they don't.
(2) My partner agreed to rehome one cat because, and only because, Princess is happier as the only cat in a household. She will not rehome her other cats. Period. And she is giving me holy hell for opting to give up the cats my mother left me. So I can find some way to work around this or I can call animal control and have them forcibly removed which she would never forgive me for.
(3) Release them into the wilds? They're cats. They'll be fine. Yeah.... no. Several of them are frail, problematic, and/or elderly. Also, we have coyotes in this area.
(4) I have to stay in NY for the affordable healthcare and benefits my partner receives. The only places I can afford in NY are either terrible or VERY far away up north. But even if we were to move up there, all we're doing is transferring the problem up north. It's still too many cats.
(5) Almost no one will rent to us because we have so many cats. Only places we could find are 5k/mo or more. "Well, just lie and don't mention the cats." KINDA HARD TO HIDE TEN CATS. Not like you can just casually tuck one under the boob when the landlord shows up.
(6) Neither I nor my partner know a single, solitary person within driving range who can and will take any of our cats.
(7) I cannot keep up with ten cats, my very ill partner, the house, AND my job. I'm a shit-tier freelancer. I'm not exactly rolling in cash.
(8) "Just stash your partner in a trailer until your dad sells his house." It could take weeks to get the smell out, maybe longer, and moreover, I'd have to buy a trailer. In the Ulster area, I have enough to afford literally half a shack... like.... not even a whole shack. I can afford a fucking outhouse. Trailers become more affordable the further north you go but, (a) trailers depreciate sharply, (b) they're hard to resell, and © my stepfather convinced me to sell my Kia because we had three cars and we no longer needed em. He'll let me borrow the Jeep but not keep it so at some point, I'd also have to buy a car.
I'm just so exhausted thinking about this.
I'd start a cat sanctuary myself if I had the money. Alas..... I dunno. How do you think a Kickstarter for a cat sanctuary would go?
Here's the abridged summation of a summary of the cliffnotes of some context:
In March of 2021, my mother received a diagnosis of S4 lung cancer. Only a week later, my partner received a diagnosis of S4 lung cancer. Almost an exact year later, March 3rd, 2022, my mother died. She left my sister, BIL, and their child in my care, all of whom are developmentally delayed. Only a month later, BIL was diagnosed with two different forms of lymphoma. Only a month after that, my partner's license was revoked due to a diagnosis of narcolepsy. Then she went blind due to a combination of retinitis pigmentosa and a detached retina.
At that point I was taking care of my sister- a sociopath with an IQ under 70, her husband- who is a little more tolerable, their child- an unpotty trained 5yo who still is not speaking in complete sentences, my partner of 12y- a blind, narcoleptic cancer patient with lupus, WPWS, POTs, pernicious anemia, lumbar spinal stenosis, fibro, IBS, Von Willebrand's, and EDS (which is destroying her teeth and we can't afford to fix them because the American healthcare system doesn't think teeth are important and NO dental colleges will touch her because she's a cancer patient and it has at points gotten bad enough that she has resorted to pulling out her own teeth), ten cats (I have one cat, my sister dumped her cat on me, my mother left me two when she died, and my partner has six), and a house big enough to home this shitshow. The ONLY reason I didn't end up destitute in the streets at that point is because my stepfather generously allowed us to stay in his house so long as we pulled our weight and kept the house clean.
October first of 2022, my sister removed herself, her husband, and her child from my care. At that point, I suggested to my stepfather that we downsize. He agreed. We cleaned up the house, put it on the market, and it hadn't even been on the market a full day when we got a bite. Family came to look and pulled an ABRUPT U-turn due to cat smell. They had no other complaints and would have given us full asking price. So basically, the cats cost my stepfather a day-zero full-asking sale of his house.
Needless to say, he is pissed. We have a month to rehome at least half of the cats or GTFO.
A few problems:
(1) I've spent hours on the phone and every single damn shelter I've called is either full up, doesn't take cats, or "we'll get back to you" and then they don't.
(2) My partner agreed to rehome one cat because, and only because, Princess is happier as the only cat in a household. She will not rehome her other cats. Period. And she is giving me holy hell for opting to give up the cats my mother left me. So I can find some way to work around this or I can call animal control and have them forcibly removed which she would never forgive me for.
(3) Release them into the wilds? They're cats. They'll be fine. Yeah.... no. Several of them are frail, problematic, and/or elderly. Also, we have coyotes in this area.
(4) I have to stay in NY for the affordable healthcare and benefits my partner receives. The only places I can afford in NY are either terrible or VERY far away up north. But even if we were to move up there, all we're doing is transferring the problem up north. It's still too many cats.
(5) Almost no one will rent to us because we have so many cats. Only places we could find are 5k/mo or more. "Well, just lie and don't mention the cats." KINDA HARD TO HIDE TEN CATS. Not like you can just casually tuck one under the boob when the landlord shows up.
(6) Neither I nor my partner know a single, solitary person within driving range who can and will take any of our cats.
(7) I cannot keep up with ten cats, my very ill partner, the house, AND my job. I'm a shit-tier freelancer. I'm not exactly rolling in cash.
(8) "Just stash your partner in a trailer until your dad sells his house." It could take weeks to get the smell out, maybe longer, and moreover, I'd have to buy a trailer. In the Ulster area, I have enough to afford literally half a shack... like.... not even a whole shack. I can afford a fucking outhouse. Trailers become more affordable the further north you go but, (a) trailers depreciate sharply, (b) they're hard to resell, and © my stepfather convinced me to sell my Kia because we had three cars and we no longer needed em. He'll let me borrow the Jeep but not keep it so at some point, I'd also have to buy a car.
I'm just so exhausted thinking about this.
I'd start a cat sanctuary myself if I had the money. Alas..... I dunno. How do you think a Kickstarter for a cat sanctuary would go?
I'm stymied as to actual constructive advice. That's an awful lot to be on one person's plate, even in the best of circumstances, which these obviously are not.
Now hear me out. I don't expect there is a group that does this with cats, but maybe one of those groups knows of someone who can and does help people with pets? I can't believe that no one anywhere is taking in any number of animals, not even one. I'm really sorry to hear this is happening.
Another idea is, as weird as it sounds, putting out an ad in the newspaper, or at any local poet stores you know of. Someone might be willing to contact you to take one of two of them in.
Other than that... I really don't know. I'm frustrated for you that your partner is this level of stubborn about it as well, considering all their problems, and that the end result could be both of you AND all your cats being homeless.
I get that you love your cats and you have that bleeding heart, but sometimes you need to be pragmatic. Way back in the day, it wasn't uncommon for native American tribes to abandon sickly babies in the woods and walk away, because food was scarce, a harsh winter was coming, etc. Difficulty often breeds what many would call cruelty, but it's just survival.
If I were you, I'd take a page out of Bender's book and A) ditch the cats and forget rehoming or a kickstarter sanctuary, B) ditch the sister, BIL and their kid, and C) focus on getting that house sold by any means necessary. Any. Means. Necessary.
I know that's not the recommendation you want to hear, as noted in point 3, but if you aren't willing to harden that heart of yours and make some sacrifices, possibly literally, then you're only asking for more pain and suffering in the future. It hurts me to say that, but it's true.
Human life > animals
I extend my sincere sympathy to you; all these conditions don't seem easy for one person to handle.
Seems, you are probably a very empathetic person.
In my country, besides private shelters, there are also volunteer organizations and compassionate individuals who help find homes for cats or can take care of them temporarily. Usually, this is done through Facebook or other social media. I see you mentioned that you tried to find homes for the cats yourself, but I suggest seeking people who can assist you in the search and who live nearby.
Do you have volunteers or the shelters you mentioned in your city that could provide an answer to my question? ><"
I'd love to help you. Really. But problem no. one I'm over the pond in good ol' germany, so there is no coming over real quick and take a cat or two.
Problem no. two even if I would be in the US, I already have 4 Kitten in my apartment...
Problem no. three... I don't have the financial means either to help in any meaningful way.
All I can provide are honesty and good hearted suggestions.
I know, parting with a loved pet is horrible, but if you livelyhood depends on it, and with your livelyhood the livelyhood of your pet as well, there most likely is no other way than to let some of them go... I know those aren't your cats, they are your mothers, your partners, and your sisters... and one of your very own... but if you get yeeted from your home, and when I read and understand your journal correctly, your stepfather is willing to do... well what then? What will your partner do then with her 6 cats?
I wish you the best of luck, and I hope, you will find a solution for at least some of those problems.
And please, as a persone who has walks that path myself, let me say keep a eye out for yourself. If you collapse now, there will be noone to catch you and provide for you.
I cross my fingers and hope for the best.
I'll check my rescue friends if they know somewhere that you can take them to and transport. Do you have an email I can send their way? While I'm not a cat person I'm pretty involved with rabbits and dogs which people usually have 1-2 cats at minimum.
I don't know where you live, but in my area we have a local weekly mailer. It has local events, local businesses, job openings, items for sale, etc.
If you have one of those, perhaps taking out a small ad letting people know you have loving kitties that need a good home.
I wish the best for you, and your family. I do hope you come across a string of good luck.
I definitely don't recommend releasing them, even if they were capable of making it because cats decimate native ecosystems. I'd try posting them in the paper, online, and if all else fails, take them to shelters and just say you found them. Most shelters in my experience won't willingly take pets, but they won't turn away captured strays. So just lie about where they came from.
In my defense, it is not by choice, I would have gotten rid of them a long time ago if I had any control over the situation at all.
Yes, the people they do belong to are very irresponsible and stupid.
Also, more practically, they may be more willing to take captured strays, but probably just to put them down, so Silverone wants their cats to survive for longer than a month, maybe they shouldn't do that.
Other souls have said it and I must concur: no cat or cats can be worth THIS much trouble during such a turbulent time. Kickstarter/GoFundMes seem like a lot of added hassle on top of your many existing responsibilities, to say nothing of what you would then have to do with the funds you raise!
Having lost my own cat just two days ago, I can understand your partner's position, her love for them, and her desire not to leave them. Perhaps you could just keep one cat, as a compromise? One cat's smell is far easier to manage than ten, and is hypothetically ten times easier to take care of. Perhaps it could stay in one room until the house is sold.
This is the best I can come up with. I'm so sorry you've found yourself in this position. I wish you the very best.
You are not a "shit-tier freelancer." You are a top-tier freelancer accepting shit-tier wages. Big difference. Value yourself.
Now, Satan time. Your partner is creating an awful lot of your problems and denying you any control in them. She has rendered you immobile, unhousable, desperate, and suffering toxic stress levels. What's she doing to resolve or support these extreme problems that she brought into your life? Does her offloading responsibility for the trouble she makes onto your shoulders for her own comfort constitute abuse? Should the consequences of her unilateral bad life choices fall on your shoulders, or hers? Is this a relationship, or an underfunded charitable LTC driven by misplaced guilt? Where are you actually at?
As for cat urine, start with Nature's Miracle Urine Destroyer, then use anything else to get rid of its residual scent. That's really the best you can do.
Do not start a cat shelter. Doing so will drain all of your resources: financial, physical, emotional, and time. You're not in a place of privilege, to be able to pull that off. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
If you can't rehome these cats because you're out of tenable options, and you're gonna end up out on the street if you can't thin the herd... you need to put some of them down.
Sorry.
That feels like a shit thing to do.
But you CANNOT go homeless or be having critical course-of-life significant financial events being derailed on account of cats. You just can't.
You gotta do what you gotta do, if you don't have the time and luxury of waiting for / paying for other options.
We are, all of us, victims of circumstance. Circumstance has been beating you with an Ugly Stick for years now. At least your sister and her entourage are out of the picture.
As for the cats, I live on a dead-end dirt road in the middle of nowhere. Folks from the neighboring city have decided this is a good place to 'release' their spare kittens. We get a new spate of dumpees about every two weeks. I have no use for them myself so I'm not feeding them, but Mr. Dementia next door does feed them. Like, every two hours. Of course, he has to stand outside my house and call "Kitty, kitty, kitty," for 20 minutes every time he does -- even at 2:30 in the morning. Fortunately, the newbies don't learn very fast that they are Purina Coyote Chow or not-fast-enough-food. Numbers are stable at around six, but they do threaten me on my way to my car. Feral cats are not fun playmates. So, dumping your cats isn't Plan A anyway -- which is good.
Wish I could plunk a magic twanger and sort it all out. Heck, if I could do that I'd straighten my own life out...
Yeah... I hear that. XC
Really wish I could do more for you than that. Nothing I hate more than being useless, but it's a situation I'm very familiar with... :(
While I'm from a distance, putting the cats down or in the nature seems a bit like them paying for the situation as well, though on the other end I guess out of the two options putting them down is less cruel than having them stressed out and helpless in the wild.
As mentioned above, if you explain the situation in FB groups, if it works as it does over here in France, you should be able to re-home some.
Also not surprised for the smell, the situation is uncomfortable even for them, they aren't meant to share a small territory at 10 so they're stressed out. This is something you can tell your partner, while she loves her cats, 6 of them in a small space is ALREADY too much. That will go with pee, fights, cats over-licking themselves, sometimes one acting dominant and making the others live in misery, etc... not to mention increasing chances of financial issue due to their health declining/health issues.
I don't know how obstinate she is but the best option would be to choose up to grand maximum 3 cats to keep because they can't get separated/because of their health, and re-home the others.
To get rid of the smell, there are mix of essential oils that are made to destroy the urine and prevent the cat to pee back in that exact spot. Bleach can also help attract the cats to pee somewhere else. Multiplying the litterbox too, although with 10 cats it'll be difficult, you'd need an insanbe number of litter box (like, 20 or so, or some self cleaning litter box that'd quickly get saturated). It all comes down to "too many cats to handle humanly".
I wish you the best of luck, for you and for the cats, I'm crossing my fingers that they quickly find other loving homes so that you can get a bit of relief!
more \ less, because of the cats?
well?
if it so happens, you become homeless...
...how will you take care of 10 cats?
as a few others have stated: a very tough choice is gonna hafta be made
i'm just...
...feeling incredulous, about how you've been trying to do the right thingโ
โtake the right steps, towards finding another home for the felines
but you get turned away at almost every step
no, i wouldn't want to put down healthy cats either
like, i dunno...
...could craigslist be viable?
i know i don't do this very often โ expressing, how profoundly sorrowful i feel about everything jordan is being made to endure
i can't help but wonder if someone put a hex on her
I've done some work and tried out a Corsi-Rosenthal box setup to help on allergies and later used after I housed a cat for a short bit set it in the room and the smell was quickly gone. For pet particulate a MERV 9-12 would be what filtration to look for. It's just an air filtration setup that is a lot cheaper and works better than a lot of commercial air purifiers, and I admit again, 100% a bandaid that could helpfully push things a little.
I'm sorry I don't have much other advice, my skillset is kind of stuck when I can't build my way out of a problem, I just can offer hoping for the best.
otherwise, giving them away for free to people who want them, and ideally you trust to take care of them.
and obviously, your partner needs a change in attitude. risking becoming homeless because they refuse to rehome the cats is um. sure something to think about when reconsidering the relationship.
I'm not sure where you are in NY, so base this next part on where you are. Go on Petfinder. Put in a zip code for a rich town more than two hours away either inside NY itself or in a bordering state. Select cats. Select senior cats. Make sure that at the bottom of the drop downs the box that says "show out of town pets" is checked. Now scroll through the pictures and find one with big letters on them saying "out of town" pet. Click on that and get the contact info for the organization.
THAT gets you orgs that have sufficient space they're transporting pets in from out of their area so have space and resources to spare. Now whether they'll handle intake from where you are or direct you to a local org to handle the transit is going to vary. They may still turn you away. But if the locals have already turned you down, trying one that have the existing infrastructure to do transport up odds of a yes.
To get you started, here's one in Greenwich, CT that appears to do nothing but that. (Greenwich is Rich As Fuck) https://www.petfinder.com/member/us.....ptions-ny1427/
Drop them a note and then start repeating with other places showing those pets for transit. One of the closer ones might be willing to take them right away if you're within a few hours driving. If you have no idea what Small Towns That Are Rich As Fuck towns are within a few hours, google Per Capita Income By Town + a State. Slap the zip for those in Petfinder and you'll likely find more of that type of group.
Hopefully at least one of them bites and can get some of the cats rehomed.
I understand how she feels about losing her cats, having lost my own before. The callous responses in many of the replies makes me sick, and also makes me hope they don't have any beings dependent on them, be they animal or human. I truly hope that you can find a good solution to this, and that your luck turns around for the better.