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Therapy Session Updates: Moving on from Jealousy
3 years ago
Hello everyone. I just wanted to give an update on how my therapy sessions have been. They have been going fantastic and I am happy to be in these sessions. I meet with my therapist at least once to twice a week to catch up on things and they're delighted to see the progress that I've been making with the issues going on in my life. We meet via video calls which is more accessible rather than going out of my way to an office as it's much more convenient talking to them on a video call.
In a previous journal talking about my mental health, I did mention dealing with some jealousy issues. I am happy to report that the jealousy is now behind me. During a session with my therapist, we concluded that it was more disappointment that I was feeling than jealousy, which I can see. The person that I mentioned being jealous about is a well-known content creator who's one of the few people that got me to notice the furry fandom. They've been working on this project for a long time, and I enjoy looking at it whenever they post something new about it, but they haven't been working on this project for a while and is now mostly focusing on work that only patrons can see. They were working on making a return of this project but stopped out of nowhere. Don't get me wrong, I get it that big projects are time-consuming and it's important to take breaks from them, but this person never made any public announcements about whether this project is coming back or not. If they were to have said that they'll be taking a break from it, then it would be a different story, but seeing how they just stopped hurts as they aren't keeping their fans updated about what's going on with it.
Another factor with the disappointment is that this person is someone that I really wanted to get to know better and establish a friendship with. I do know that we all have lives outside the world of social media, but it does hurt seeing them put in more effort with their clique than with others. This was seen especially whenever they stream; they were always in a private call with their circle and barely acknowledged the chat. When talking about this with my therapist, I did mention at one point about considering joining them, but looking back at it now, it wasn't the best idea as I don't know anyone in their circle except for one person, and I would feel awkward being around people in a situation like that especially. It's like going to a party with a friend but you don't know anyone else there or going to a club/bar but not having fun there. I used to enjoy their streams, but now it's a trigger for my anxiety where I can't even watch it anymore without getting close to emotionally exploding. I never would've thought that their streams would be a trigger for me, but knowing this, I can eliminate it from my life so that it doesn't hurt me mentally.
Speaking of content, I did see some of the work that they do make and there are some that I do like, but it just isn't the same compared to the big project they were doing that got me to become a fan of theirs in the first place. This person is also someone that I really want to commission one day as I enjoy the work that they make, and I would absolutely love to see my OC in their style. It’s kinda been a dream of mine for a while, but I often see that they make simple pieces for their circle for free while saying that they don't have time for commissions. Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking for free art from them as I'm willing to pay top dollar for their work, but it just hurts not being able to get one commission from them or even be able to talk with them while they go out of their way for their circle. I still hope to one day commission them as I have these ideas that I want to present to them that I can see working in their style.
With all that said, therapy has been helpful in this situation. Looking back at it, I can see all this as being disappointed rather than being jealous as this person has stopped working on their main project with no announcements making a return, and it's also sad as I'm sure they care about it but seeing everything else that they're working on it doesn't feel that way. I know that people do choose to not say anything as they want some privacy which I totally understand, but it would be nice to get some closure about it so the fans can know when the project is coming back.
If anyone is struggling with mental health, I highly recommend seeing a therapist. It is good talking to a professional about your problems, no matter how small they may seem to you.
In a previous journal talking about my mental health, I did mention dealing with some jealousy issues. I am happy to report that the jealousy is now behind me. During a session with my therapist, we concluded that it was more disappointment that I was feeling than jealousy, which I can see. The person that I mentioned being jealous about is a well-known content creator who's one of the few people that got me to notice the furry fandom. They've been working on this project for a long time, and I enjoy looking at it whenever they post something new about it, but they haven't been working on this project for a while and is now mostly focusing on work that only patrons can see. They were working on making a return of this project but stopped out of nowhere. Don't get me wrong, I get it that big projects are time-consuming and it's important to take breaks from them, but this person never made any public announcements about whether this project is coming back or not. If they were to have said that they'll be taking a break from it, then it would be a different story, but seeing how they just stopped hurts as they aren't keeping their fans updated about what's going on with it.
Another factor with the disappointment is that this person is someone that I really wanted to get to know better and establish a friendship with. I do know that we all have lives outside the world of social media, but it does hurt seeing them put in more effort with their clique than with others. This was seen especially whenever they stream; they were always in a private call with their circle and barely acknowledged the chat. When talking about this with my therapist, I did mention at one point about considering joining them, but looking back at it now, it wasn't the best idea as I don't know anyone in their circle except for one person, and I would feel awkward being around people in a situation like that especially. It's like going to a party with a friend but you don't know anyone else there or going to a club/bar but not having fun there. I used to enjoy their streams, but now it's a trigger for my anxiety where I can't even watch it anymore without getting close to emotionally exploding. I never would've thought that their streams would be a trigger for me, but knowing this, I can eliminate it from my life so that it doesn't hurt me mentally.
Speaking of content, I did see some of the work that they do make and there are some that I do like, but it just isn't the same compared to the big project they were doing that got me to become a fan of theirs in the first place. This person is also someone that I really want to commission one day as I enjoy the work that they make, and I would absolutely love to see my OC in their style. It’s kinda been a dream of mine for a while, but I often see that they make simple pieces for their circle for free while saying that they don't have time for commissions. Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking for free art from them as I'm willing to pay top dollar for their work, but it just hurts not being able to get one commission from them or even be able to talk with them while they go out of their way for their circle. I still hope to one day commission them as I have these ideas that I want to present to them that I can see working in their style.
With all that said, therapy has been helpful in this situation. Looking back at it, I can see all this as being disappointed rather than being jealous as this person has stopped working on their main project with no announcements making a return, and it's also sad as I'm sure they care about it but seeing everything else that they're working on it doesn't feel that way. I know that people do choose to not say anything as they want some privacy which I totally understand, but it would be nice to get some closure about it so the fans can know when the project is coming back.
If anyone is struggling with mental health, I highly recommend seeing a therapist. It is good talking to a professional about your problems, no matter how small they may seem to you.
I'm happy that you're getting the help you needed and it's been working well for you. ^^
The therapist was right. It's disappointment rather than jealousy. It's makes a whole lot of sense.
There will be things about a person that they do that you're not always gonna be on board with and that's okay. It's apart of life. The thing is just not to be hung up on it.
I know the feeling of looking to a content creator's big project and not hearing any updates while they work on other projects I'm not as interested in. There's really nothing we can do but wait and hope for a heads up on the progress or if they abandoned it entirely.
Take care.