Lately, I've been in a huge weird sink of pain, and I've spent so much time trying to figure out where it has come from. It turns out.. friendship is a double edge sword and one can only put so much effort into it before it starts to feel...wrong. I saw people more closely than I often let myself. People I'd consider family and more get too close to my heart, and I'd do anything and everything I could for a while but when I realized it was all one sided, and I was the only one reaching out even when I was busy? It became a problem.

Yet this is a trap i've fell into time and again, and each time I feel a fool because I'll ignore them maybe even unfriend them with the thought process of 'If you love them, let them go, if they love you, they'll come back' only to realize that doesn't work with people anymore. Especially online. Its a game of 'if I cannot see it, it doesn't exist' and I'm definitely more forgettable than I would like to be. What makes it all worse is when they notice and don't say anything because they do not wanna cause issues. Bitch, if you'd say something then issues would be solved!

But that's just a bunch of crap I doubt anyone would care to read. I put too much care into others and they soak it all up and cast it aside like it means nothing. All those 'you are a good writer,' or 'oh I love your characters' translates to just biding time till someone better comes along. I get it, but why does it have to happen? Why are people so...uncaring heh. I doubt this will be read but its a good half vent till I can figure out my thoughts.