Life is a fleeting prospect. We are born to grow and die, and what separates us from the other creatures is our ability to make attachments. These attachments can become a strength for an individual, but at the same time.. they can become a curse, a weakness that is exploited by those who don't care or don't know how to care for another being. I have been on that end, exploited by my family, and by many people I considered friends. When you go through life, you don't want to be the only person reaching out and trying to instigate conversation. If you are the only one reaching out, then you are the only one that truly cares where it goes, and life is too short to be the only one to care is it not? I spent so much of my time hoping and praying, that by the end I have developed a fear of relationships outside my partner, and a very miniscule amount of others. Friends worry me, family, pets, etc. It's a plague I do not wish upon anyone, and its a plague so easy for another person to give to another.

I think, at the end I'd rather have passed through this life than continue to be forgotten by those who claim to care so much. I can only take so many false positives before my heart has a hard time determining who is gas lighting and who isn't. Even when it feels genuine, I oft feel like I'm not worthy or good enough, so the response my heart gives is 'Let them go. If they care, they will come back, and if they come back it was meant to last.' So many times this has been broken by people who want a fleeting friendship or someone to rebound on. Especially with all these growing dark days that loom over us with politics, war, religion, etc. At this point, I don't think I'll have the time to recover like I desire, but in this fleeting life, I 've at least given it my all, and someone somewhere appreciates the care I gave.