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Aurida
3 years ago
Hi everyone. I have bad news. If you knew Aurida, that is, Geistault , or Maribelle, then you might already know. But you have the right to know. The night before last, we lost him. To suicide.
Who was Aurida? Nothing short of a legend. Everyone I know who knew him has stories. Of his ability to exploit games to absurd lengths. Or the time we all destroyed a Smash 4 request wiki and he made it so that if an article about a Waddle Dee with shutter shades were to be deleted, the whole thing would implode. Some Final Fantasy 14 glitch I don't understand. Just how much he was the embodiment of fun. Always had something fun to say. Everyone loved Aurida.
He and I connected over our mutual transformation interest, though. It's hard to describe to just anyone without it coming across like "oh, that's all he was to you?" Only we really understand, I think. It was a large part of ourselves and something that brought us joy to share, and each know the other felt the same. Becoming his friend made me feel understood and like I should be happy to be who I am. There was excitement in making stories and stuff with him. Drawing Maribelle. In just bouncing ideas off with him and having the same pitched my way. And then the tabletop games we were in together. He was an active presence and a source of joy to me up until the end, even though I never met him in person. And I am so honored to know that he considered me one of his closest friends. And I'm never going to know anyone quite like him again.
It hurts. I'm gonna get through it. But it hurts. I've never suffered a loss this close before, least of all as an adult. I am so lucky to have the friends I do who will help me through this, and likewise I'm there for them.
What will this mean for what I do here though? I am not sure. Before I talked to Aurida, I didn't draw TF often. It's been a lifelong fascination, but it takes context. It never used to be fulfilling to me to draw it before knowing Aurida and building context with Maribelle and Figaro that would give it meaning. Without him, I do not know how it will feel to draw them. Part of me thinks he would want me to. The other part, I just don't know how it would feel. Without Maribelle, I don't know if Figs' life can go on, or if I am retiring the character. It may depend on what is done with the game we were both in as those characters, when the other players and I are ready to face that. I don't see it picking up where it left off without him and Maribelle. But they may want, and may make me want, Figaro to "live". I just don't know yet.
Aurida, Aurida... I am going to miss you so much. I can't thank you enough for what you've done for me. You did transform me into a better person. A happier one. You're taking a lot with you, but not everything.
Who was Aurida? Nothing short of a legend. Everyone I know who knew him has stories. Of his ability to exploit games to absurd lengths. Or the time we all destroyed a Smash 4 request wiki and he made it so that if an article about a Waddle Dee with shutter shades were to be deleted, the whole thing would implode. Some Final Fantasy 14 glitch I don't understand. Just how much he was the embodiment of fun. Always had something fun to say. Everyone loved Aurida.
He and I connected over our mutual transformation interest, though. It's hard to describe to just anyone without it coming across like "oh, that's all he was to you?" Only we really understand, I think. It was a large part of ourselves and something that brought us joy to share, and each know the other felt the same. Becoming his friend made me feel understood and like I should be happy to be who I am. There was excitement in making stories and stuff with him. Drawing Maribelle. In just bouncing ideas off with him and having the same pitched my way. And then the tabletop games we were in together. He was an active presence and a source of joy to me up until the end, even though I never met him in person. And I am so honored to know that he considered me one of his closest friends. And I'm never going to know anyone quite like him again.
It hurts. I'm gonna get through it. But it hurts. I've never suffered a loss this close before, least of all as an adult. I am so lucky to have the friends I do who will help me through this, and likewise I'm there for them.
What will this mean for what I do here though? I am not sure. Before I talked to Aurida, I didn't draw TF often. It's been a lifelong fascination, but it takes context. It never used to be fulfilling to me to draw it before knowing Aurida and building context with Maribelle and Figaro that would give it meaning. Without him, I do not know how it will feel to draw them. Part of me thinks he would want me to. The other part, I just don't know how it would feel. Without Maribelle, I don't know if Figs' life can go on, or if I am retiring the character. It may depend on what is done with the game we were both in as those characters, when the other players and I are ready to face that. I don't see it picking up where it left off without him and Maribelle. But they may want, and may make me want, Figaro to "live". I just don't know yet.
Aurida, Aurida... I am going to miss you so much. I can't thank you enough for what you've done for me. You did transform me into a better person. A happier one. You're taking a lot with you, but not everything.
I've lost a lot of relatives, but its different when its a friend, can't really articulate why
Losing a friend is hard enough, but losing one who clicked with you so well like that is terrible. I am so sorry.
I guess it shows how we need to be on guard for suicidal thoughts, they make us underestimate how much value we have.
I do wish you the absolute best though, Minish. You're also always a pleasure to be with there in Discord