Well just a few days ago, from what I can tell based on some emails, I finally finished my graduation with my university. I guess multiple careers you can say you'd be pretty well off with an education, but for me I actually feel worse off now than I did before I started my education. I feel like I lost everything and spent that time staring into the void of pain and suffering. I've lost everything I was before my education, my self worth, my beliefs, everything I stand for. I feel more mindless and lost and what do I have in return for that? A piece of paper.

I spent 6 years and lost so many people that were once friends. Six years spent in a prison instead of out making experiences. I have no hobbies and been stuck up for those years, staring into a computer screen or mindlessly staring at a professor as they absolutely sucked at their job. The world was a far better place years ago and has only gotten worse and worse. I'm not saying it was good those years ago, but reflection now and then on my own life, I think everything could have gone so much better if instead of wasting my life at getting a piece of paper I instead went into an actual job, made some money, and did something than slaving away and being judged by everyone around me. My family is an utter piece of shit...

And yet... through all of these years, I'm still not even really halfway done with my education as I continue on, this is only the midpoint as I continue my career, but I have the largest wall to climb now with actually taking my LSTAT to get into a law school and hopefully I'll be on the right track.

The emotional trauma of not just my family breathing down my next, not just the trauma of having nearly no friends and no one to lean into for support, none of that really hurts as much as watching everyone around me pick either a better career choice or going into the workforce and making a life of themselves while I still mindless take class after class, hoping to god I just slip by with the bare minimum so I don't have to retake some classes. I could have done so much more with my life should I have picked a better path in my life, but I never really had the option...

Most of this was just me venting as lately I have not been doing well and I think I got sick just being depressed as I am... I don't need anyone to talk to be about this crap, so don't go messaging me, but don't be surprised in the upcoming years I just suddenly disappear never to be heard from again, not like anyone would even notice me gone.



Edit (4/12/23): Guess I didn't meet all my requirements for graduation. Missed the mark for my gpa by like .01. Means I have to spend another semester hoping I can pass some of my trash classes that have been depressing me. My university is such a joke... doesn't help my depression.
Edit (6/6/23): Guess I got passed anyways, so I am graduated.