Hey all. So, this is gonna be a bit of a long one. Be prepared to sit down and actually read if you are able to do that.


I'm not in a good place right now. Either IRL, online; mental, emotional, physical; you name it, it's not good. Along with the financial struggles at home along with refunding the people whom I owe such to it was already a bit of a stressful situation; combine that with the fact I have not been able to see my mental health counselor in nearly two months (insurance fucked me over) and my overall instability that has become worse and worse over the past course of years and you already have something problematic. I was debating on something, something important, for months now and finally made my decision when I got two HEAVY news-bombs dropped on me within the span of three days at the very beginning of February.

First off...my mother has liver cancer. I found out about it out of absolutely NOWHERE when she dropped the news on me after returning from a doctor check-up. They found about four tumors in the liver itself and apparently the cancer is at Stage 4--which isn't good. She's been undergoing chemo the past two months to shrink the tumors, and the doctors think that they can be surgically removed once they're small enough (the liver is one of the few organs in the body that can re-generate lost tissue apparently). Things have been looking fairly stable, but one of the worst things about cancer OVERALL is that it's completely unpredictable and I'm still terrified. I lost someone, a family member, who was VERY important to me over a decade ago and it traumatized me. I still miss him every day, and I always end up crying if I think too much about him. I can't handle losing another. I really, REALLY can't. Not now. Not this soon...

Second, I am going to need to move. AGAIN. I don't have much of a choice in the matter as my BF's hours got heavily cut due to matters that were out of his control and we can no longer afford the rent for our current unit freely--my income is piss-poor and the employment system is NOT on my side, let's just fucking say. XP; The move date is late April/early May but there are a couple huge problems that have arisen with this; namely that even a studio apartment isn't cheap to begin with out here and on top of that there are certain criteria that need to be met--I am taking our cats with me when I move, so they need to be accounted for as well on top of a handful of other things. I can barely afford my half of the rent with what I currently make...and I sure as hell can't pay for a moving service or anything else at the time. It's an ongoing source of IRL stress and I still have not been able to secure a place at all because my family keeps arguing with me--and like what the fuck can I even do?! With the finances in the state they're currently in I'm at their mercy, which ironically is what I was TRYING to get away from. Fuck almighty.


With all of these issues happening at once, it's made me also realize that...I'm not happy anymore. Like at all. I've tried nearly everything in my power to try and recover; to get better, but there's been very little progress made. I began to think on past events; what could have led to the state of misery I'm in right now in terms of mental and emotional health, and I realized one unfortunate thing:

Most, if not all, of these instances are tied to this account, and the furry community in-general.


Before any of you go slinging accusations at me; NO, I do not hate furries; how the fuck is that possible if I am one?! This community has also allowed for a lot of growth as both an artist and to learn about managing a self-employed small business--plus I've made some wonderful friends in the process. I have zero qualms with the artist and business side of things here as a whole. However, I WILL dislike the other parts of the community, especially the fucking political/Twitter side of things, because over the past couple years it's become increasingly woke and ridiculous and I hate it. I have my own views on things, some here and some there, but there's a reason I don't bother to talk about it--because the consensus on things in this community are fucking stupid. The line between fiction and reality; between "it's just a cartoon" and "I would do this IRL without any boundaries"; between "I like this for the fantasy aspect" and "I would actually do this to people"--it's either been utterly blurred or completely removed, which is not something I'm okay with as it's a VERY dangerous way of thinking on either side. There's a lot of shit I don't agree with in art, but auto-condemning someone because they have a questionable taste in kinks is ungodly stupid to me and I don't really get it. It's always going to exist; there will always be odd/questionable content out there, but it doesn't 100% mean someone is into fucking horses IRL or murdering people or going after children. Like for fuck's sake, understand that in many, MANY cases fiction is just fiction. If it were an actual photograph I would definitely not approve, but it's not real, so just...accept that, for God's sake. Get over yourselves.

Second is the way the community has been treating artists ESPECIALLY as of lately. Despite the rising trend of AI-generated art--which, despite the fact it's just faked work stolen from multiple sources and Frankenstein'd together by a program with no soul whatsoever--it's still free shit and it's still something people can do; yet for some stupid reason people are continuing to treat artists like absolute shit for one reason or another. "You take too long with your work," "No one cares about your problems," "Your prices are unreasonable," "You'd better not ignore me or I'll ruin your reputation because I have the power to do that" (and YES that last one is a thing; I have received such threats before). Now I can accept criticism--I'm not necessarily happy with it most of the time, at least not at first, but if it involves the art it's still feedback and I still take it into mind. And yes, customers have rights too--but the issue is a lot of them have been getting TOO entitled and therein lies the problem. Even other artists--mostly sociopaths with a God complex or some kind of inner insecurity, more than likely--have been shitting on artists; one of my friends literally got harassed by another user on here because he was mourning the death of a family member and this...PERSON(?)...just screamed at my BF over it, even comparing the said death to the death of a goldfish which is uncalled for and fucked any way you slice it. Artists are people and have IRL issues they are dealing with too. If you're going to treat them like they have no rights then do us all a favor and fuck off. Go get some AI to do your OC or whatever the shit. You'll save us a lot of trouble. :P

People who ask for requests or try to get free art are even worse, but I'm not going to tackle that because this entry is already long enough as is and...the crowd really just speaks for itself. XP


So with all these thoughts, and with things being what they are, and with just all the frustration in-general, I have made my decision, and it is in-stone this time: once everyone is refunded, I am leaving this account, for good this time. I came here for two things--to make friends, and to enjoy/post artwork. I am barely doing either of those things nowadays because of how fucked things have been in both this community, this profile, and IRL. So I have to leave this profile behind. It's the only way I will be able to properly recover.


This does not mean I am going to stop making artwork, nor does it mean I am abandoning my current interests or close friends. But I will not be posting anything to the public for awhile, and when I eventually do it will be under a different username and a different website. I am still figuring out where--I hate DA and Twitter alike with a burning passion--but I will figure something out.


I have already removed a chunk of older submissions (for various reasons) and most if not all of my older work has been scrapped. Because I don't want to bother with idiotic commentary or worry about moderation, I am disabling comments on my submissions, and when I leave this profile shouts/notes will be blocked as well as allowing guests to view my page or its contents. If you wanna upload my shit to Derpi, then fine, but the rules STILL apply and I can still choose to make myself DNP any time I want. Think carefully. I'm already fed up with the Brony fandom as-is.


To everyone who actually liked my work for what it was...I'm sorry. If I felt there was an alternate route I would take it, but that's just not what's going to happen right now. My state of health, finances, and overall ability to socialize are all in the dumpster and I just can't handle this anymore. I will not leave a forwarding account--if I do happen to obtain one--here, but those who know how to reach me, can reach me one way or another. It has to be this way, for my sake, and my sake in this situation is the most important thing.

Thank you for your time, and stay safe out there. 💜✌