So I had originally made this decision final yesterday, but due to various things happening on that same day I decided to wait until now to announce it. It's been weighing on my mind, both literally and figuratively, for a couple years, and I cannot apologize enough I feel for what the people whom were waiting for me to re-open are about to read. However, it is a decision that I think is correct, for reasons which I will intend to explain.

Just....I've had it. I'm so sorry but I've officially had it.

Commissions are going to be closed for an INDEFINITE period of time, and I am also planning to re-fund anyone who was still on the "Paid" list at the time of this decision.

People have been getting way, WAY too snarky and irritable lately towards artists who take awhile to get things done; I don't enjoy my work anymore like I used to when I first started; my mental health has been in a declining state the past few years; and I just NEED THIS TO END.

I feel like this is the final link in the chains keeping me bound from recovery, and as such it needs to be destroyed in order for me to fully progress. There are other reasons for making this decision, as well....I have wanted to pursue an animation career for quite some time, as well as continue with my own works and aid my BF on his series that have been in development for awhile. It is just an endless source of stress for me and I don't feel that it should ever be that way. I had wanted to originally just do commission work for fun, once in awhile...then it just turned into a panic attack over being able to remain financially stable for a few years....and then the Stalinist torture by someone who will remain anon occurred during that time...and then my PTSD and ADHD worsened...and after that the physical health problems.

All this shit has been a burden on me for nearly five years. I'd thought originally "well hey, maybe it has to do with something else" and while that is true to an extent, the primary link behind all of it was ALWAYS stress and/or panic and worry over commissions. I am not entirely certain why it wasn't realized earlier--maybe I was just trying to deny that it was there because I didn't want to let people down. I am an absolute empath and as such my emotional being more than often dictates my actions at certain times. I STILL don't want to let people down, and believe me this decision took much, MUCH longer to make than one thinks. I had been contemplating it for a couple years but again had not made any action upon it.

But I just can't deal with this anymore.

I get it; it's my fault, yes. I am willing to accept blame for this; I thought I could handle things but I couldn't in the end. The damage taken over time was just proven to be far too much, and I'm just one person....one person who is also attempting to recover their shattered mental/emotional health. All those things combined contributed to this. I'm not going to be able to recover if any of this hangs over my head any longer. And as I once heard someone say; no one should attempt to work themselves into their grave, in any state, just to present people work "on time." I thought I was okay. I believed I would be okay. And that's my bad. I should have paid attention to myself sooner, but I didn't want to admit to it. I thought that people would chide me over it....that it was a sign of weakness.

Maybe it's not. Maybe it still is. I don't know.

All I do know is that, I want things to be fair in the end for both sides. And I feel the best way to do that is to sacrifice my queue list/workload and return the funds to the people that gave them. Both sides, in a sense, get something that way.

Though most people are not aware, I DO keep archives of sent notes/information/usernames so I can always pull up their comm info when I need to; the archive's been active since commissions got VERY busy and has all the required info. So if you are on the queue list, have paid me already, and no physical work has been tended to/done, then please contact me via FA's Note system. DO NOT COMMENT ON THIS JOURNAL ABOUT IT AND DO NOT PING ME ON DISCORD FOR THIS PLEASE. Also note that the funds will be gathered over time for such, so bigger projects may take longer to refund than smaller projects. Just a heads-up on that. For the bare-bones queue on Trello, I will keep a "Refunds" tab listed with people who have already been taken care of finance-wise.

The time of the commission does not particularly matter either, although the prices active at the time do. If need be, I can also look up the PayPal receipts/transactions as I've had my account for awhile and (of course) keep archives. I may have to dig for some but, such is the way.


For those who are wondering "well will you EVER re-open/offer commissions again...?" the answer is....possibly. I obviously would prefer only taking on a couple projects at a time, and only with clients/friends whom I know I can trust. My health obviously needs time to recover, but this is a horse I may be willing to get back on again. Who knows.

Again, I am sorry about all of this; I really am. It's a waste of time for some people and I am fully aware of that factor. But I'd rather be happy with my work, rather than feel it's an endless, daunting chore that's hanging over my head at all times. That's not to say you guys don't have good ideas--a lot of the ideas I've been given to work with were great!--it's just to say I'm not as attentive as I used to be.

I WILL still be doing art, and I will still be working with people on some things. That will not change. But for now....I just want to make a positive recovery for myself. I'm only going to get worse if I don't.

Thank you all for understanding. ;w;