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An Update on What's Been Up and Where Things are Going
2 years ago
--Opening Journal--
Well, it's now over a year since I last uploaded something. I've been trying to think of how to say what to say here for months now, and finally, I'm tired of taking so long and don't care how it comes out; I'm just saying stuff and putting it down as is. This is all mainly why I haven't done a lot, and what I want from this account from now on.
> Autism + perfectionism + ADHD + work = fuck.
I know I can do art well, I know details and accuracy don't matter, I have the time, resources and ideas; but work still takes a bunch of my hours, and my brain is a fucking moron, and that's a big part of why I've not uploaded anything for so long. To be fair though, I do now understand why some other artists take so long to bring up new art.
> I'm sick of being really "into" the weird stuff I draw, especially the dark shit.
I do still like those things, but basically, another part of the lack of art; I'm now tired of being super "into" that stuff and dealing with the "response" as I try to do the ideas justice. Doubly so for the darker shit my other account was meant for.
I mean seriously, it's to the point where I've gotten back into certain train-related works and shit just to get away from that. It's ridiculous.
> I wish I hadn't turned this into my weird stuff account.
This had always been and was meant to be the account I mainly use, the same name as nearly all the other sites I'm on, and when I finally started doing art like all this, I should have made a seperate account for it; now it's firmly tied to all the weirder things, and when I do more normal stuff, I have to deal with it being alongside all that.
> On a more important note I've needed to say for a while; I don't care for my mutuals as much as I used to.
It's not your fault, and I am sorry, but it's the honest truth and the best way I can put it without being a huge dick; I've simply stopped seeing many of you as mutuals or even friends. I appreciate comments, but I don't want to continue them into conversations and talk about ideas and stuff anymore, I just want to do my art now.
There's probably more to say, but I can't remember right now; I'll update this if I do.
But to put it bluntly; I want to do art regularly again, without my BS getting in the way. So the plan from this point on;
> Just straight-up abandon my dark account; art's still there, but it's no longer getting anything else, and I'm leaving it locked.
> Finish and upload the handful of art I have actually done and nearly done in all that time, just to get it on here.
> Get the ADHD on a leash and kill the perfectionism outright.
> Keep up with the weirder ideas, but try to dropkick how "into" them I am now.
> Make more normal, non-weird stuff, including new art and things with my OCs like Greta.
> Decide on what to do to all the older weird stuff I've done up to now. I frankly don't care about the favs I got for it all, especially the TF-related things, so either I leave everything here for the sake of convenience, or I just clear out and reupload them on a new account, and turn this back into my main.
How this all goes, we'll see. Otherwise, I have other things I'm doing elsewhere that can fill in any gaps in the meantime.
I think that's all for now, until next time.
And once again to those I'd talked with a lot before now, I'm sorry. It was good chatting to you, but as I said, I'm just not up for that anymore.
> Autism + perfectionism + ADHD + work = fuck.
I know I can do art well, I know details and accuracy don't matter, I have the time, resources and ideas; but work still takes a bunch of my hours, and my brain is a fucking moron, and that's a big part of why I've not uploaded anything for so long. To be fair though, I do now understand why some other artists take so long to bring up new art.
> I'm sick of being really "into" the weird stuff I draw, especially the dark shit.
I do still like those things, but basically, another part of the lack of art; I'm now tired of being super "into" that stuff and dealing with the "response" as I try to do the ideas justice. Doubly so for the darker shit my other account was meant for.
I mean seriously, it's to the point where I've gotten back into certain train-related works and shit just to get away from that. It's ridiculous.
> I wish I hadn't turned this into my weird stuff account.
This had always been and was meant to be the account I mainly use, the same name as nearly all the other sites I'm on, and when I finally started doing art like all this, I should have made a seperate account for it; now it's firmly tied to all the weirder things, and when I do more normal stuff, I have to deal with it being alongside all that.
> On a more important note I've needed to say for a while; I don't care for my mutuals as much as I used to.
It's not your fault, and I am sorry, but it's the honest truth and the best way I can put it without being a huge dick; I've simply stopped seeing many of you as mutuals or even friends. I appreciate comments, but I don't want to continue them into conversations and talk about ideas and stuff anymore, I just want to do my art now.
There's probably more to say, but I can't remember right now; I'll update this if I do.
But to put it bluntly; I want to do art regularly again, without my BS getting in the way. So the plan from this point on;
> Just straight-up abandon my dark account; art's still there, but it's no longer getting anything else, and I'm leaving it locked.
> Finish and upload the handful of art I have actually done and nearly done in all that time, just to get it on here.
> Get the ADHD on a leash and kill the perfectionism outright.
> Keep up with the weirder ideas, but try to dropkick how "into" them I am now.
> Make more normal, non-weird stuff, including new art and things with my OCs like Greta.
> Decide on what to do to all the older weird stuff I've done up to now. I frankly don't care about the favs I got for it all, especially the TF-related things, so either I leave everything here for the sake of convenience, or I just clear out and reupload them on a new account, and turn this back into my main.
How this all goes, we'll see. Otherwise, I have other things I'm doing elsewhere that can fill in any gaps in the meantime.
I think that's all for now, until next time.
And once again to those I'd talked with a lot before now, I'm sorry. It was good chatting to you, but as I said, I'm just not up for that anymore.
Thawk
~thawk
Fair enough. I pray you can find your way. I hear you about work, at the end of the day I just want to sit and vegetate, and the siren song of mindless games is too powerful (For me)...
