You're not a crazy person for daring to try to do something you're passionate about. A lot of people never even work up the courage to get where you are now, and I've always been the biggest believer in your skills as a writer. I'm not just saying that out of loyalty to a friend, because anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a person who enjoys reading for pleasure. Yet, your stories are so engaging that it's hard for me to stop reading. Still, I know rejection hurts. It's not the payoff you deserve, but I truly believe you deserve better. I hope you believe that too, and we're always the meanest to ourselves. Clearly if you won a literary prize you must be doing /something/ right. You're doing the best you can with what you have and it's hard, so I don't blame you for feeling the way you do about the situation. I just want you to know that you always have people on your side who can see the value in what you do. It's not all in vain. ♥ ♥

Thanks for this message Tiggy! It's very insightful and always good to hear some perspective. I appreciate it so much!

Man I'm sorry to hear that... I'm not a writer myself but I know people who are and I've always heard it's a real crapshoot trying to get published. Like you noticed, once someone has their foot in the door and gets a published work or two, it becomes a little easier because once you have that you have something to leverage. But from what I've heard, even then the published author is just kinda entering a secondary round of gambling that is "keep publishing things over and over until something randomly by chance gets big (it won't be your favorite or most personal work and may very well be a work you kind of hate)". It's sadly a pretty tough and unfair industry, it seems, which is a painful thing to endure when it's your own creativity being judged like that.

I guess the only silver lining is that getting published/getting big is rarely about the quality of your writing and very often just the whims of the publisher/market/etc. I think the fact that you won a literary prize indicates that it's definitely not a quality/skill issue leading to the rejections, just bad rolls of the dice, or someone higher up deciding "the market isn't right for this right now" or whatever.

In industries like literature where there are many people who are competent and the skill itself is somewhat subjective, yet there are few available positions for published work/jobs/whatnot, it can be very helpful to make connections with others in your field. I know that's something that sucks to hear and isn't easy (I'm kind of an asocial hermit myself and really struggle with this), but "networking" is a possible avenue to look into, maybe, if you're looking for an extra way to stand out and get someone's attention.

Best of luck to you... walking the path of a professional creative is tough, but we are kind of doomed to keep trying because of the little demon inside our brain that keeps telling us to Tell Stories And Make Things no matter what. I hope that you're able to get a lucky break soon!

Thank you for the considerate response! I understand many of these realities. I also understand my writing, albeit widely praised by readers, is adult literate and therefore less salable than, say, writing which skews younger. The topics I choose are also queer and uncomfortable. That said, I network as much as I can given limited time and resources--most of it can only be done online. Many of these people are already in a close circle and publish each other quite frequently, not through slush piles, but invitations. Of course, they're established, but there's a certain degree of cronyism in any industry like this.

I won't be able to stop myself from writing, I just fear I will someday when it gets to be too much, when stories published beta-readers tell me are incredible get rejected over and over again.

Ah, it sounds like you're on the right track then--apologies for giving "basic" advice--just wanted to emphasize that it sounds like it's the crappy network-centric industry and almost certainly not your skill that's the issue. It wasn't in the literary industry specifically, but I have seen firsthand what a difference "knowing someone on the inside" can make in these sorts of competitive industries... it's a really unfortunate and disheartening situation for anyone who doesn't yet have an "in".

I hope you are able to find a receptive publisher soon who is open to the sort of stories you want to tell!