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What am I doing wrong?
2 years ago
I dunno, I feel like I'm just... Not worth being talked to. Always felt like this tbh but it just keeps getting worse and worse. I see other accounts where people will just continuously post art about themselves, and they get so many comments from people taking about how great the art is, or how amazing or cute or sexy their characters are, and it's just overwhelming how much people get love for their stuff.
I try my best - I get art of my stuff, art of other characters, I make gifts for other people, I try to offer to joint comm others, I try to be talkative and post on other people's art and journals, and I am lucky to see any response on anything. Heck I can even note people and there's a very good chance that my notes get left unread or they are read and don't get responded to.
I know it's kinda dumb to expect some sort of conversation or connection on a site that is first and foremost an art site, but I see other people with flourishing pages where they have so many people to chat with and have fun with and it's disheartening when I come back over to my little space that is a ghost town.
This is more just me ranting while I'm at a shit place emotionally (fucking sucks being a manic avoidant) and not really aimed at anyone. Those of you who do reach out, who chat or just randomly post or message me, I appreciate you all so much and it means the world. And I appreciate all the artists who I have ever poked for work, as you all are so nice to not only respond to me, but also have conversations with me while we talk through details and such. You all give me so much positivity in an otherwise dim and useless life.
I guess I'm just feeling super vulnerable and alone, moreso than usual, and as someone who is usually plagued with a lingering feeling of being someone not worthy of the attention of others, it's not feeling great.
Anyways, I'm sorry, I know this sounds like someone being a crybaby and trying to just get sympathy from others, and maybe it is, I'm not sure, I usually don't know what I'm wanting of desiring...
I do want to say though, that one thing I know for sure is that I love you all for sticking with me, and I really appreciate you all for not only dealing with me, but also for actually trying to be a friend, cause I know I'm certainly not the best one.
I try my best - I get art of my stuff, art of other characters, I make gifts for other people, I try to offer to joint comm others, I try to be talkative and post on other people's art and journals, and I am lucky to see any response on anything. Heck I can even note people and there's a very good chance that my notes get left unread or they are read and don't get responded to.
I know it's kinda dumb to expect some sort of conversation or connection on a site that is first and foremost an art site, but I see other people with flourishing pages where they have so many people to chat with and have fun with and it's disheartening when I come back over to my little space that is a ghost town.
This is more just me ranting while I'm at a shit place emotionally (fucking sucks being a manic avoidant) and not really aimed at anyone. Those of you who do reach out, who chat or just randomly post or message me, I appreciate you all so much and it means the world. And I appreciate all the artists who I have ever poked for work, as you all are so nice to not only respond to me, but also have conversations with me while we talk through details and such. You all give me so much positivity in an otherwise dim and useless life.
I guess I'm just feeling super vulnerable and alone, moreso than usual, and as someone who is usually plagued with a lingering feeling of being someone not worthy of the attention of others, it's not feeling great.
Anyways, I'm sorry, I know this sounds like someone being a crybaby and trying to just get sympathy from others, and maybe it is, I'm not sure, I usually don't know what I'm wanting of desiring...
I do want to say though, that one thing I know for sure is that I love you all for sticking with me, and I really appreciate you all for not only dealing with me, but also for actually trying to be a friend, cause I know I'm certainly not the best one.
I'm always around if you ever need someone to talk to, bud ❤️
I just dang diddly don't know how to socialize online anymore. You seem neat. I like your work. But I can't hold a conversation to save my life anymore.
It fucking sucks and I fucking suck, and I'm really sorry to be that way. Honestly you don't deserve to be treated like that and I wish I had some kind of justifiable reason that made it hit less hard for both of us, but the real reason is just that I'm a terrible person at times and no matter what I do to try to curb it, it seeps through to all corners of my mind and life.
I really appreciate that you want to be around hon, it truly means the world to me and I really try to make it work, I do, but that other part of me that is always looming and stalking in the shadows would rather sabotage any ounce of happiness I can have or bring to other people.
You deserve so much more and so much better.