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[Update (Since July 2023), Art status, blah.]
2 years ago
I wanted to post this on the off chance people actually read it, or feel like responding, as my last journal was a little too short and It's time for updates just in general.
So, first and foremost, those of you who are waiting on commissions from me still:
First, sorry. I don't feel like the word's quite strong enough, but it is what it is and I refuse to keep beating myself up over it. I'm art-blocked really bad because I don't like what I'm making.
I literally did not mean for this to happen but while working a RL job for a few years my skills just got worse. I can't look at my art without seeing the GLARING flaws in my anatomy skills, and my processes. To me, my art currently and some past stuff, looks like shit, and I don't like it at all. Since I hate my own art that bad, it's really hard for me to sit down and relax, work on it, and figure it out. But - I am and do intend to keep trying to improve.
Did I forget/what about said commissions?
No, I didn't forget them. I keep a running list on my home-page so I can go back and re-do things when I'm at a good point to do so. If the waiting game gets too long and people want refunds, they can ask, otherwise, eventually you WILL get your art. I just need to get over my art-style loathing or change it up to where I'm actually pleased with what I'm posting.
What does that mean? I think I'm going to start trying to experiment with a few different styles. Maybe I'll get into painting, or maybe I'll just change up -how- my actual style looks. Maybe it's just too limited or constrained, but if I'm not 'growing' it's stagnating and art should be passionate. if I'm not passionate about it, then it's no longer art but production and I ain't about that life.
What have I been up to lately, if I didn't do enough art training in my absence time?
Since the last update, since I'm art-blocked to fuck, the only things I've been working on art-wise are Second Life furry texture re-mods for people. My sl main account/username is and has always been linked on my page (esme.crumb) my alt and modding account is (minaki.aya) so you can hit me up if you need a mod done, or join my discord. Just yap at me for the right tag.
I've been focusing more on modding things as for me that's easier generally since anatomy issues aren't my fault and my job's just making other people's characters pretty in world. I'm sure some of ya already know me from there anyways.
I think that kind of covers most of what I feel like sharing, for those who don't know where/what I'm up to that's the dealy. The easiest way to get in contact with me is on discord or my email. However, if I'm too busy to respond, I just won't.
Also just an fyiy, I'm upgrading my PC at the moment. [sept.9/2025 last update for this] once it gets back in and I get all my art programs downloaded, it'll be progress as per normal. My skills are still not where they wanna be for 2D but my SL mods always turn out fantastic. Maybe if I'm asked I'll upload some shots of the work I've done in my scraps or something.
And in closing?:
Ideally if all goes well for me soon though, I can slowly keep experimenting and possibly get back to first off finishing what commissions I owe, and then drawing more personal pieces for myself, that I don't completely and absolutely hate looking at. (Also note to commissioners, I'm not dissing characters/concepts, just my own abilities so please don't worry on that front.) Anyways, that's all for me, until the next time I feel an update is important.
Thanks for reading, if you have. Be well all.
>>{Pineapple Princess Lorena ™ }
So, first and foremost, those of you who are waiting on commissions from me still:
First, sorry. I don't feel like the word's quite strong enough, but it is what it is and I refuse to keep beating myself up over it. I'm art-blocked really bad because I don't like what I'm making.
I literally did not mean for this to happen but while working a RL job for a few years my skills just got worse. I can't look at my art without seeing the GLARING flaws in my anatomy skills, and my processes. To me, my art currently and some past stuff, looks like shit, and I don't like it at all. Since I hate my own art that bad, it's really hard for me to sit down and relax, work on it, and figure it out. But - I am and do intend to keep trying to improve.
Did I forget/what about said commissions?
No, I didn't forget them. I keep a running list on my home-page so I can go back and re-do things when I'm at a good point to do so. If the waiting game gets too long and people want refunds, they can ask, otherwise, eventually you WILL get your art. I just need to get over my art-style loathing or change it up to where I'm actually pleased with what I'm posting.
What does that mean? I think I'm going to start trying to experiment with a few different styles. Maybe I'll get into painting, or maybe I'll just change up -how- my actual style looks. Maybe it's just too limited or constrained, but if I'm not 'growing' it's stagnating and art should be passionate. if I'm not passionate about it, then it's no longer art but production and I ain't about that life.
What have I been up to lately, if I didn't do enough art training in my absence time?
Since the last update, since I'm art-blocked to fuck, the only things I've been working on art-wise are Second Life furry texture re-mods for people. My sl main account/username is and has always been linked on my page (esme.crumb) my alt and modding account is (minaki.aya) so you can hit me up if you need a mod done, or join my discord. Just yap at me for the right tag.
I've been focusing more on modding things as for me that's easier generally since anatomy issues aren't my fault and my job's just making other people's characters pretty in world. I'm sure some of ya already know me from there anyways.
I think that kind of covers most of what I feel like sharing, for those who don't know where/what I'm up to that's the dealy. The easiest way to get in contact with me is on discord or my email. However, if I'm too busy to respond, I just won't.
Also just an fyiy, I'm upgrading my PC at the moment. [sept.9/2025 last update for this] once it gets back in and I get all my art programs downloaded, it'll be progress as per normal. My skills are still not where they wanna be for 2D but my SL mods always turn out fantastic. Maybe if I'm asked I'll upload some shots of the work I've done in my scraps or something.
And in closing?:
Ideally if all goes well for me soon though, I can slowly keep experimenting and possibly get back to first off finishing what commissions I owe, and then drawing more personal pieces for myself, that I don't completely and absolutely hate looking at. (Also note to commissioners, I'm not dissing characters/concepts, just my own abilities so please don't worry on that front.) Anyways, that's all for me, until the next time I feel an update is important.
Thanks for reading, if you have. Be well all.
>>{Pineapple Princess Lorena ™ }
Life happens, and I at least know that I wouldn't have survived the past year without the grace of others and learning to accept some level of disappointments with myself.
Take your time!
I am excited to see your experiments :D
The unpaid caretaker problem is a very real one, the country I used to live in tried to do something about it although from what I know without much improvement.