This whole block is related to this art piece: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/54363630/

This... this took me a bit to upload, and I do apologize! But it's kinda hard to properly articulate how to post the thing you've spent the most time on in your entire artistic career thus far. This was originally commissioned before I moved out of my previous apartment, bought a house, nearly lost a cat, had major arm damage, among so, so many more things. When I finally got back to being able to draw I had so many things to catch up on and I had to get my income back. Which I'm forever thankful to Lilly and Zandrite for being so patient with me on this whole art piece.

As I was making it, it kept... growing a bit. Not in scope! The commission as it was written out to me is exactly what you see here. But rather... Okay this is gonna be an odd comparison but stick with me. There's this one video that floats around of a film crew capturing footage of apes and gorillas. They have a team of experts with them to help. At some point, the whole family of gorillas are walking right by the film crew. At which point, the biggest one, the leader of this family, grabs a man by the leg and drags him away. Everyone had to be silent as it wouldn't help to scream. The man didn't yell as he knew it would be a massive mistake. All you can see is his face, pure fear, as he's dragged away casually like a child walking around with a blanket. Only for about 10 feet before the man was released and he laid there unmoving. Alive, but paralyzed in fear. This was pretty much seen as the gorilla reminding this film crew that they're there because he allows it. Not because they want to be. At any point he can just end them all. He was making sure they knew not to cause a bother.

In creative fields we have this whole problem with self-doubt. Every single artist, writer, musicmaker, modelist, dancer, and/or all the rest will occasionally start to question if we're doing what we can. If we've gotten into a slump. A repetition of the same thing. Did we lose knowledge? Are we able to progress anymore? Will we be successful still? Was I only ever successful by luck? Can I even change if I have to, or am I stuck doing what I'm doing on repeat until I die? And sometimes you have to remind yourself that you are successful by your own power. You gathered the skill to do what you do, and you choose to do what you do because you enjoy it. You have to make a big gorilla who can casually grab your doubts by the ankle and drag them into the woods.

This art piece is that for me. It uses so many techniques from collecting references, sketchy lines into detail and texture, damage that matches realistic expectation of the battle they're in, mixing shading methods in order to fit the texture, LOTS of thumbnail sketches both digitally and traditionally, and even a collection of brushes I had to make or source. I used techniques I developed in college over 8 years ago with paint and ink. I spent HOURS matching the level of damage and detail across the image so it'll feel cohesive. And even reworked whole sections of the art piece in order to maintain proper view of each character. Hell I even broke the visor of the Hunter just to prove I can make a human face (and to show their eyes!). If I charged for this normally it would easily have been over $1000 for the level of effort and time and energy. None of this was asked for. I was never prompted to make it more than it was originally meant to be. Nor did anyone pressure to do so. But I saw what it could have been and I had to grab my doubts by the ankle and drag them away. I had to remind myself that I am the artist I am because I choose to be.

I had plans to make this art piece into a print and offer it for sale on my store. I even have permission from Lilly and Zandrite to do so! I was going to make a whole speedart video out of it based on the ClipStudio recording I have. And even submit it for a Bungie artist of the week competition. But... I was weirdly stopped dead in my tracks from doing so. I have sat with this art in my upload queue for MONTHS unable to hit post. At the end of the day, I think the reason is it's supposed to be a reminder. This isn't the art I'm always making. It's not a celebration of the absolute best I physically can do. You drag the doubt away and let go. So that's what I'm doing. I'm not planning a poster for sale. I'm not going to edit this recording into something easier to view on YouTube. I'm just gonna pick a date to post it on FA and YT, make a journal with frankly too much detail, and hit send. It's the gorilla that dragged a doubt away and let go. It's a reminder, not a centerpiece headline.

I only wish I had come to this conclusion before the recent layoffs at Bungie and the massive discourse around what is going on in the company. I don't support it. In fact I don't even play Destiny anymore. Haven't for a while. This art piece should be seen as a snapshot of a previous time, rather than a reflection of how it is now. I do miss those times.