The night before yesterday I went to see Gojira Minus One in a local theatre, as the film finally debuted in the country I live in.

My expectations were high as I entered the cinema, and had been so since the first trailer was revealed. Serious critic and audience acclaim (Minus One is currently the only Godzilla title in both IMDb's and Letterboxd's Top 250 chart, just to give out an example), coupled with a very teasing "Parents Guide" description promising plenty of gory vore and crush action made my heart pound hard as I got in the dark room. I was finally about to experience what I believed would be the new crown jewel of the crush fetishist's cinematic pantheon.

I had already questioned the queer radio silence surrounding Minus One from my fellow crush enthusiasts, both here and on Deviantart, but I assumed it had somewhat to do with the fact that the film is nowhere to be found online - Toho really meant that this should only be experienced on the big screen. Well, as it turns out, when I got out of the mall two hours later, I finally guessed I understood why there's no one chatting about it here: the new Gojira film is a flop, crowdcrushing-wise.

Without getting into much detail for those of you who haven't seen it yet, but I can report you that the most satisfying scene in the whole picture is literally the very first one, depicting the attack on Odo Island. Even so, it is more reminiscent of something out of Jurassic Park than a proper Godzilla flick, for the title monster is still in its growth process, resembling more a slightly enlarged T-Rex than a true kaiju. There are a few satisfying noms and stomps, and then it's over - that's it.

Further on, when Godzilla makes landfall in Tokyo, and it has already reached its final size (~60m in this film), the director seems to have taken the right-hand path to keep it all very PG-13. There's more emphasis on looming POVs than on the crowds running before the monster getting visibly flattened. Really, all the eye-candy has been given out in the trailers already, and there's few more mayhem beyond what you have already seen in those sneak peeks.

Regarding other aspects of the film, the plot itself is thin as a wisp, despite taking close to 90% of the film's runtime, trying to capitalize heavily on the gravitas of the post-WW2 backdrop, without much effect. And if that was not enough, you still get a crowd-pleasing, happy-ending plot twist with a silly cliffhanger on top to wrap it all up, hinting at the mandatory sequel.

All in all, props to the design team who was responsible for building all those historically-accurate scenarios, down to the most infimum detail - they deserved to be served with a superior film...and some savager titan reptile legs to stomp them all down to pieces!

I apologize if I'm sounding too grumpy and cynical, and for dampening down your hype if you haven't seen Minus One yet. I honestly wish you're able to get more enjoyment out of the new Godzilla film than I did. As for me, guess I'll stick to good ol' '98 Godzilla, surprisingly still the best of the stomp-happy giant monster flicks a quarter of a century after its unveiling...and facing no true match to his hegemony, at least as far as sight can reach!