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Mortality Rant
2 years ago
As an FYI, I will be talking about death here. Yeah shocking considering I get reaper art but if this aint for you, delete it from your feed. You won't offend me.
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Alright cool, so let's begin.
I want to just rant about mortality. I have noticed a lot of people in my generation think about the future and their place (or not) in it. Yeah we knew it existed but it's not something we thought about. At least, it wasn't something most people thought about.
Cue a very little Fossil before puberty hit, vividly remembering having existential dread and needing his mother to console him. As I grew, I had a lot of near death experiences. A common thought process would be, what if one of them...stuck?
No I am not sucidal or throw my life away at every given opportunity. But I thought about (and to be honest I still kind of do) and still think about death. When I was younger, I could see myself not having a lasting impact. I thought about people being sad sure but then after it, life just goes on. And think about some of the people in your life no longer here with us. I think about my recently passed away grandmother and see how she left others. I see the way her influence affected my mother, me and even my kids. Yes we were sad but life does go on. I'm not as sad as I once was about it. In fact, I am happier knowing she isn't in any pain anymore.
And I though about my lasting impact. I have noticed my perspective heavily shifted when I had kids. I have thought about what kind of example I would set for my son and daughter about how a man should be. Even now that I can no longer see them when I please, I still think about how I carry myself for them because they see and they notice things I may not be aware of. So I sit and stew over what I could be doing. I constantly assess myself so that I can be the best person, not only for my kids but my friends and my mother.
God, I can only think about what my mother would think when she eventually dies. I'm just happy to know that she trusts me to carry on her final wishes when she passes. We have had long talks about it and even though I have siblings, she has left enough to take care of both of us but I assured her that I wouldn't get much; sentimental pieces and that's it. She smiled and I'd like to think that I just further proved that I am her son.
"Okay, so fuck. Why go down this line of thinking? What is the point in thinking about something so scary?", you may be wondering and you're right. Death is scary but also comforting. I believe the more you get exposed to what is scary, the less scary it is. So I challenge you to think about your own mortality provided you have the comfort of others around you.
As for what the point of all this is, it is to get a clear picture of what others have done for you and what you will leave behind for others. For me, I use it as motivation to better myself in all avenues of life. Since having kids and not being able to see them, I have thought about what kind of example should I leave to my kids as far as being a man. I want to show them that a man should be strong and kind. Willing to go ahead and lend aid whenever they can. It's why I workout. It's partially why I am in the service. I want to show them that even at my age, I have plenty of fire inside that I can spread to the world and make it a better place and that I have the strength to do so. Whether that be physical or mental.
Okay well you want to be better for your kids. I don't have kids so what can I do? You have parents or friends. Do you not want to be the person they can come to for assisstance? After the forced departure my partner gave me, I dug myself out of crippling debt and am actually thriving. I am at the point where I can help others while also providing enough for me in the future. I have such a good bedrock that my mother comes to me, the youngest sibling, about what to do when she dies. I project that influence of being competant and safe not only to my mother but to my friends who want to confide in me about problems they may be ashamed of. It is through these interactions that when I die, My ripple effect will be more subtle but they will be felt and by those I care about the most.
Now, when I think about letting go of my mortal coil, I am not thinking of how little I impact I have had. Now, I think about all the people that have shaped me. I think about the people I have helped. I think about the people that I have mentored whether they knew it or not. And you can mentor someone just by displaying your natural influence.
I'll paraphrase something a drill sergeant said to my graduating class that he heard from someone else. That is that you, yes you, have influence. It does not matter if you are the lowest guy on the totem pole, or the big person in charge. You have influence. It does not matter if it's at work, home, while you are out, playing video games, waiting in line, whatever. The way you show your influence is by how you carry yourself and how you dress. This gets more intimate by the sound of your voice, how firm your handshake is, how your tone is, what kind of mood you are in, so on and so on. There are a lot of tiny details that display our influence and so the question I ask is, what does your influence say about you? Once you answer that, the bigger question that follows is, what do you want your influence to say about you? Then subsequently, how can I change what I currently project into what I want to project.
Therein lies why I do my recaps now. My memory ain't all there so I look back and reflect. That is why I set goals of wanting to lift more, save more, do more. I am so demanding of myself so that I can set myself up to project an influence of someone who accomplishes many things and can be viewed as widely successful by other's eyes. All so that I can smile and tell them I had just as much failure as I did success or that I had much bigger plans.
Okay that last part was kind of an ego boost but I feel like after the forced separation that I deserve a little self boosting. And look, I'm not saying I'm perfect for everyone and honestly I'm not the right fit for everyone. But for those that are here and in my immediate circle, I want to be the best version of me I can be. It's not just for me but it is for you because if I can make it on my own, you can definitely make it with someone cheering for you on the sideline (that someone is me!).
All in all, think about death. Think about the lasting influence you will have. When that time does eventually come, I want you to be like me and go off smiling at a life without regrets.
Thank you.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Alright cool, so let's begin.
I want to just rant about mortality. I have noticed a lot of people in my generation think about the future and their place (or not) in it. Yeah we knew it existed but it's not something we thought about. At least, it wasn't something most people thought about.
Cue a very little Fossil before puberty hit, vividly remembering having existential dread and needing his mother to console him. As I grew, I had a lot of near death experiences. A common thought process would be, what if one of them...stuck?
No I am not sucidal or throw my life away at every given opportunity. But I thought about (and to be honest I still kind of do) and still think about death. When I was younger, I could see myself not having a lasting impact. I thought about people being sad sure but then after it, life just goes on. And think about some of the people in your life no longer here with us. I think about my recently passed away grandmother and see how she left others. I see the way her influence affected my mother, me and even my kids. Yes we were sad but life does go on. I'm not as sad as I once was about it. In fact, I am happier knowing she isn't in any pain anymore.
And I though about my lasting impact. I have noticed my perspective heavily shifted when I had kids. I have thought about what kind of example I would set for my son and daughter about how a man should be. Even now that I can no longer see them when I please, I still think about how I carry myself for them because they see and they notice things I may not be aware of. So I sit and stew over what I could be doing. I constantly assess myself so that I can be the best person, not only for my kids but my friends and my mother.
God, I can only think about what my mother would think when she eventually dies. I'm just happy to know that she trusts me to carry on her final wishes when she passes. We have had long talks about it and even though I have siblings, she has left enough to take care of both of us but I assured her that I wouldn't get much; sentimental pieces and that's it. She smiled and I'd like to think that I just further proved that I am her son.
"Okay, so fuck. Why go down this line of thinking? What is the point in thinking about something so scary?", you may be wondering and you're right. Death is scary but also comforting. I believe the more you get exposed to what is scary, the less scary it is. So I challenge you to think about your own mortality provided you have the comfort of others around you.
As for what the point of all this is, it is to get a clear picture of what others have done for you and what you will leave behind for others. For me, I use it as motivation to better myself in all avenues of life. Since having kids and not being able to see them, I have thought about what kind of example should I leave to my kids as far as being a man. I want to show them that a man should be strong and kind. Willing to go ahead and lend aid whenever they can. It's why I workout. It's partially why I am in the service. I want to show them that even at my age, I have plenty of fire inside that I can spread to the world and make it a better place and that I have the strength to do so. Whether that be physical or mental.
Okay well you want to be better for your kids. I don't have kids so what can I do? You have parents or friends. Do you not want to be the person they can come to for assisstance? After the forced departure my partner gave me, I dug myself out of crippling debt and am actually thriving. I am at the point where I can help others while also providing enough for me in the future. I have such a good bedrock that my mother comes to me, the youngest sibling, about what to do when she dies. I project that influence of being competant and safe not only to my mother but to my friends who want to confide in me about problems they may be ashamed of. It is through these interactions that when I die, My ripple effect will be more subtle but they will be felt and by those I care about the most.
Now, when I think about letting go of my mortal coil, I am not thinking of how little I impact I have had. Now, I think about all the people that have shaped me. I think about the people I have helped. I think about the people that I have mentored whether they knew it or not. And you can mentor someone just by displaying your natural influence.
I'll paraphrase something a drill sergeant said to my graduating class that he heard from someone else. That is that you, yes you, have influence. It does not matter if you are the lowest guy on the totem pole, or the big person in charge. You have influence. It does not matter if it's at work, home, while you are out, playing video games, waiting in line, whatever. The way you show your influence is by how you carry yourself and how you dress. This gets more intimate by the sound of your voice, how firm your handshake is, how your tone is, what kind of mood you are in, so on and so on. There are a lot of tiny details that display our influence and so the question I ask is, what does your influence say about you? Once you answer that, the bigger question that follows is, what do you want your influence to say about you? Then subsequently, how can I change what I currently project into what I want to project.
Therein lies why I do my recaps now. My memory ain't all there so I look back and reflect. That is why I set goals of wanting to lift more, save more, do more. I am so demanding of myself so that I can set myself up to project an influence of someone who accomplishes many things and can be viewed as widely successful by other's eyes. All so that I can smile and tell them I had just as much failure as I did success or that I had much bigger plans.
Okay that last part was kind of an ego boost but I feel like after the forced separation that I deserve a little self boosting. And look, I'm not saying I'm perfect for everyone and honestly I'm not the right fit for everyone. But for those that are here and in my immediate circle, I want to be the best version of me I can be. It's not just for me but it is for you because if I can make it on my own, you can definitely make it with someone cheering for you on the sideline (that someone is me!).
All in all, think about death. Think about the lasting influence you will have. When that time does eventually come, I want you to be like me and go off smiling at a life without regrets.
Thank you.
