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To JaguarMaster. A Public apology.
2 years ago
To 
I owe you the biggest apology in my life.
I placed you in such an uncomfortable situation, a situation you never deserved to be a part of, simply because I was angry at the situation itself. You were but an innocent bystander who did everything correctly, but because of my own emotions on the subject, I chose to ignore that, and I forced you to do something I promised you I would never do.
I forced you to choose between our friendship and the cause of the situation. I forced you to choose between me or a group. Solely because the group hurt someone I was near and dear to. I let my rage blind me and I took it out on you. Especially after you were so ecstatic about not only joining a group, but doing so exceptional they made you admin to the group because of your skill and charisma.
But because I was blinded by rage at how they treated someone close to me, I bared my fangs at you, someone I call family, and caused all this.
None of this was your fault. You hadn't known what you now know. And I should have remembered that. You even told me multiple times you never knew, and you abstained and that you wanted no part of the situation. But because I stupidly blanketed everything, I made you suffer for something you had no involvement in.
I've since calmed down. And as time passed...I just felt more and more horrible. I've tried messaging you, but end up deleting my messages because the more I dwell on what happened, the more I realized I Royally fucked up with you. I knew I needed to apologize. I HAD to.
I wanted to apologize so bad. Ensure to you that you did nothing wrong. That I fucked up. That I caused this. And that you did everything right. But I was so scared you would never forgive me.
I was so scared that 15 years of our life- of our friendship...would just disappear. Which brings me to now.
As of this morning. I was not only notified of my worst fears...but I sadly confirmed you blocked me everywhere. My rage. My blind rage. My acting out before being rational...has put 15 years of friendship in dire jeopardy. I've tried reaching out however and whereever I can. Hoping. Praying that you will reach out to me. That you will message me.
Jaguar. I am groveling at your feet. On my hands and knees. I am begging you for forgiveness. I apologize profusely for EVER causing you this much mental pain, anguish, and torment. I apologize profusely for placing you in a situation you had no reason to be a part of.
I apologize to you, Jaguar. For absolutely devastating what was 15 amazing years of our friendship, with my unforgivable behavior.
I don't want to lose you. You are like family to me.
Please.
Please forgive me.
I really don't want to lose you...
I owe you the biggest apology in my life.
I placed you in such an uncomfortable situation, a situation you never deserved to be a part of, simply because I was angry at the situation itself. You were but an innocent bystander who did everything correctly, but because of my own emotions on the subject, I chose to ignore that, and I forced you to do something I promised you I would never do.
I forced you to choose between our friendship and the cause of the situation. I forced you to choose between me or a group. Solely because the group hurt someone I was near and dear to. I let my rage blind me and I took it out on you. Especially after you were so ecstatic about not only joining a group, but doing so exceptional they made you admin to the group because of your skill and charisma.
But because I was blinded by rage at how they treated someone close to me, I bared my fangs at you, someone I call family, and caused all this.
None of this was your fault. You hadn't known what you now know. And I should have remembered that. You even told me multiple times you never knew, and you abstained and that you wanted no part of the situation. But because I stupidly blanketed everything, I made you suffer for something you had no involvement in.
I've since calmed down. And as time passed...I just felt more and more horrible. I've tried messaging you, but end up deleting my messages because the more I dwell on what happened, the more I realized I Royally fucked up with you. I knew I needed to apologize. I HAD to.
I wanted to apologize so bad. Ensure to you that you did nothing wrong. That I fucked up. That I caused this. And that you did everything right. But I was so scared you would never forgive me.
I was so scared that 15 years of our life- of our friendship...would just disappear. Which brings me to now.
As of this morning. I was not only notified of my worst fears...but I sadly confirmed you blocked me everywhere. My rage. My blind rage. My acting out before being rational...has put 15 years of friendship in dire jeopardy. I've tried reaching out however and whereever I can. Hoping. Praying that you will reach out to me. That you will message me.
Jaguar. I am groveling at your feet. On my hands and knees. I am begging you for forgiveness. I apologize profusely for EVER causing you this much mental pain, anguish, and torment. I apologize profusely for placing you in a situation you had no reason to be a part of.
I apologize to you, Jaguar. For absolutely devastating what was 15 amazing years of our friendship, with my unforgivable behavior.
I don't want to lose you. You are like family to me.
Please.
Please forgive me.
I really don't want to lose you...
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