My job and life for years between the year 2015 to 2021 was a dead point in terms of drawing. I threw every drawing I had done up to that point away. For some reason at the very end of 2022 I felt like drawing again. I mostly wanted to draw reindeers during the season and finally it got me out of my funk. So now every weekend I try to draw more often. Truth be told I always used to draw on good old pencil and paper. Only started digital at the beginning of 2023 when I could be bother to draw and create art even if it’s only for myself at the end of the day. I want to see certain things, so I draw them.
That’s about it for me.

For me, as a trans aro/ace guy, it took a while for me to realise who i am. For a long time, i never felt like i belong. When it was time to start working, i didn't know what i wanted to do at all so i tried a lot of jobs but it all felt the same - empty, meaningless. So i started working in a bakery as it was an easy job to get, there'd always be some bakery looking for bakerysellers. I was only there to barely even be able to afford life. I never liked it and my anxiety made it even harder for me, rude customers were a daily thing and after i got 'comfortable' enough to do the job, i slowly but surely started to hate it. That, and that i felt like i was stuck being a woman but not knowing what to do about it, very negatively affected my mental health. I didn't have any energy to do anything beside work. I knew i needed to get outa there but had neither the courage nor the energy to do so. I thought, i've been doing that for 12 years now, it's the only thing i know how to do. I was so lost. So burnt out. Felt so wrong but unable to change anything. Then burnout hit. And i realised i need something to change. So, with the help of my parents, i managed to apply for a different job. For almost 3 years now i've been working on the line at a big factory and for the first time, i had a job i liked. For the first time, i had time to think about myself. Who i am. After a year at the factory, i finally had the courage to tell my truth and come out as a trans man. I was able to socially transition and have been on T for a little over a year now. And i couldn't be happier. I'm still recovering from all these years in the wrong place and from burnout, still learning to deal with my anxiety, got diagnosed with ADHD a year ago as well. There's also some family issues like my mum being chronically ill. She almost didn't make it in 2008 but is doing a lot better now. My dad's been an alcoholic since she fell so ill, it was his way to cope. But, he managed to get into a rehab clinic and is now 8 months sober. So slowly but surely, everything falls into the right place and the future can only be better. For me, art, writing and creating characters is a coping mechanism, but also a fun past time. So sometimes I'm able to vent through my art or characters and when my brain gets bored, we expand the world inside my head. I know now who i am and that the path i take is right because I'm infinitely more happy, confident and content with myself. I can kerp moving because my parents support me no matter what, we are able to talk about anything and there's almost never anything i wouldn't tell them, and vice versa. I also have a few close friends that i know will always be there for me. I don't know how much of this, if any, will help you find an answer you're looking for, but that's my story.

God... I deeply understand you and your problems, like you described almost all the things I'm fighting with for now. I'm so glad you're recovering, and that's true - family support is the base thing that help you floating
By the way, I'm actually a girl - I see no reasons to keep that in secret - but agender, and have an anxious disorder like you, so I have a similar trouble with perceiving myself in an official place
I guess a regular work for guys like us always will be much harder, more anxious and annoying than for the ordinary people, and that's a big present if there's any ways to work in a more... soft place
Thank you so much for sharing your story, I wish you being inspired and make art for your soul health

I couldn't agree more with the points you made. I do want to belive that things indeed get easier, even if they seem hopeless and grim at one point. I hope you have people in your life who support you as well, that is certainly worth a lot. I personally find work in the factory a lot easier since i'm not required to talk anymore and don't really have to interact with others if i don't want to. Everything i have to do is written on a screen where i can check as often as i want to what pieces i need to assemble and my workplace changes every hour with a short break in between and half an hour lunch break. This seems to be 'novel' enough for my brain not to get bored but structured enough so i don't get too anxious. It can be stressful at times since i'm expected to do a certain amount of work in a set time (which is the speed at which the lines run) but it's not too hard to keep up once i know what i'm supposed to assemble. I actually like this kind of work a lot and it pais enough so that i'm actually able to save some money now while living comfortably.
I'm happy you got to figure yourself out as well, it sure isn't easy. If ever you feel like talking, feel free to do so. You can also message me directly if you prefer that. If i can help you at least a little bit, i'll gladly do so. I don't know what exactly you're goung through, and i don't need to know if you don't feel the need to get it off your chest but i truly belive you can be happy too. I hope you never feel like everything is pointless and you can't keep going anymore. I was lucky enough to get a therapist that helped me figure things out before it was too late, so if you feel like you can't go on alone, therapy can help too, if available and affordable. You're doing your best, your best doesn't have to look the same every day. I for one really like your art and artstyle and i'm really looking forward to the art i'll get from you. Take your time with it, there's no rush. Life is hard. You got this. I belive in you.