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My Creativity
a year ago
Good evening.
I've been taking time to think about all this, trying (and failing) to find a therapist. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere or stopping anytime soon. I love what I do, I'm just doing a lot of it elsewhere at the moment. New exciting things will be coming soon.
but something happened tonight. I was recently reintroduced to an artist I loved who gave up making art because it no longer make them happy. they felt like the only validation they could have was through the fleeting satisfaction of the people who followed them.
It's made me think of my own works.
Creativity, both SFW and NSFW, has been an unceasing companion of mine for as long as I have been alive. I told my parents stories when the rest of the world was hundreds of miles away. I poured over ideas and art. It even helped me finally come to terms with who I am. Why do some of us feel compelled to write? To find context to the neurons, that keep us up till the wee hours, and that compel to share it far and wide? Is it because we want to find understanding of the world around us? does it give us a way to process unnamable emotion? A wise man once said that a shared experience is the closest, most effective form of communication. Telling these stories, exploring this art is a way to distill and interpret those experiences in a way that, hopefully, someone else may connect with as well. When it's come to my ideas, I've always struggled with it wanting to be bigger, better, more interesting beyond just the au courant sexy. Not because I was chasing some algorithm, but because I always found the things I was most fascinated with had much to sink my teeth into. But, in many ways, I've been lucky to not require my art to validate me. I have many friends. loved ones. Parents who cherish critical thinking and frequently discuss about both my creativity, and finding a way to make a living with it. they're very supportive (rare I know). It breaks my heart to see artists, writers and performers who have an unhealthy or dissatisfying dynamic with their work. I see it all the time. and it's hard to convince them that their work is valid, that their work has validated my own attempts and spurned me on. I have a series on youtube called 'The Tip of The Triangle.' It... initially started as 'what if twilight zone but a little more titillating', but now is evolving into deconstructing my complicated feelings about creativity.
I dunno who it's for. Perhaps it's just for me.
My point is... Creativity doesn't HAVE to have a purpose. but it gave me one I cherish. I create to share my experiences through my curious wobbly lens. To see others pass it through theirs, I know I did my job right.
Because it meant I spoke to them, and they heard me.
To the artist who spurned this thought. I'm sorry your art did not bring you the joy and happiness it has brought me. I'm sorry that the sacrifices didn't feel worth it. Wherever you are, know your work left ripples in my life. and it's reaffirmed my love for what I do.
Despite everything, I love to create.
Thanks for reading, friend.
I've been taking time to think about all this, trying (and failing) to find a therapist. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere or stopping anytime soon. I love what I do, I'm just doing a lot of it elsewhere at the moment. New exciting things will be coming soon.
but something happened tonight. I was recently reintroduced to an artist I loved who gave up making art because it no longer make them happy. they felt like the only validation they could have was through the fleeting satisfaction of the people who followed them.
It's made me think of my own works.
Creativity, both SFW and NSFW, has been an unceasing companion of mine for as long as I have been alive. I told my parents stories when the rest of the world was hundreds of miles away. I poured over ideas and art. It even helped me finally come to terms with who I am. Why do some of us feel compelled to write? To find context to the neurons, that keep us up till the wee hours, and that compel to share it far and wide? Is it because we want to find understanding of the world around us? does it give us a way to process unnamable emotion? A wise man once said that a shared experience is the closest, most effective form of communication. Telling these stories, exploring this art is a way to distill and interpret those experiences in a way that, hopefully, someone else may connect with as well. When it's come to my ideas, I've always struggled with it wanting to be bigger, better, more interesting beyond just the au courant sexy. Not because I was chasing some algorithm, but because I always found the things I was most fascinated with had much to sink my teeth into. But, in many ways, I've been lucky to not require my art to validate me. I have many friends. loved ones. Parents who cherish critical thinking and frequently discuss about both my creativity, and finding a way to make a living with it. they're very supportive (rare I know). It breaks my heart to see artists, writers and performers who have an unhealthy or dissatisfying dynamic with their work. I see it all the time. and it's hard to convince them that their work is valid, that their work has validated my own attempts and spurned me on. I have a series on youtube called 'The Tip of The Triangle.' It... initially started as 'what if twilight zone but a little more titillating', but now is evolving into deconstructing my complicated feelings about creativity.
I dunno who it's for. Perhaps it's just for me.
My point is... Creativity doesn't HAVE to have a purpose. but it gave me one I cherish. I create to share my experiences through my curious wobbly lens. To see others pass it through theirs, I know I did my job right.
Because it meant I spoke to them, and they heard me.
To the artist who spurned this thought. I'm sorry your art did not bring you the joy and happiness it has brought me. I'm sorry that the sacrifices didn't feel worth it. Wherever you are, know your work left ripples in my life. and it's reaffirmed my love for what I do.
Despite everything, I love to create.
Thanks for reading, friend.
And I believe, personally, that creativity is a purpose unto itself, just as consciousness makes its own meaning.
Your Tip of the Triangle series is great, and I'd love more exploration of altered states of consciousness. The first one -- about Maxine and the sheep drones -- was one of the most captivating pieces of ASMR I've ever listened to.
Your creative art is of great value, and I look forward to whatever you make next. :)