I've had a long and hard road, the last few years. I've sought help from professionals; psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists and specialists all. Nothing has been helping me so far. And yet, I've struggled on, and tried to do what I can. I've tried to avoid things that trigger me, tried to seek to be treated the same as others and tried to just fit in. And everything I've done has been an utter failure. I've been a failure. I've been unable to keep control of my emotions as I've struggled with everything in my life and my inability to just find a place where I belong and I'm welcome here in the fandom, and I've been in an increasing amount of pain because of it. Does it justify me? No. But I hope it at least put things in focus for those who know me, and vilify me.

I've had to take a hard look at what I'm doing with things here, and the fandom in general. And while it pains me to admit it, I just...don't have a place in it. The only place there is, is the place I buy, in the pocketbook of the artist I happen to be dealing with at the time. That's no way to live, that's not being part of a community. So, I'm leaving. I'm not taking this page down or anything, I'm not destroying what's been built out of spite, but. I can't come back here, for a long long time. Not until I know I have a place in the fandom. Which hasn't happened since I joined, and may never happen. So... I don't know if this is a goodbye, or if it's a "see you later". But it is a painful and regretful, sorrowful and remorseful admission that I've not been able to do the right thing for years, and that I've been blindly making enemies everywhere I've gone. That entire sections of the fandom want me gone, and find me the worst irredeemable trash there is. So...I'll go. Maybe that's what's been for the best all along, and maybe everyone will be better off for it, not having a looming shadow over them.