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AFTERCARE: Taking a Break
9 months ago
I’ve always been iffy about the idea of writing a blog about my writing. There are several incoherent thoughts I’ve been having about the idea. Perhaps people wouldn’t be interested in it or maybe it’d come across as too revealing. Honestly, for a while, I couldn’t think of anything I’d enjoy writing a blog on here about. After all, I see myself as someone who expresses himself through my art whether through pictures or writing. If I find something interesting to write about, why not just include it in a story?
Well, what changed was that my last story, “Taking a Break,” happened to be one of the most stressful writing experiences I’ve had. It all started with the publishing of the comic “Kane’s Kennel,” which I loved creating with the help of Kiwyne. The surge of creative energy I felt upon publishing it was unreal. I wanted to expand on this setting I created. I was ambitious—a bit too ambitious, in fact.
As I stated in an old post on FA, the time that I actually get to spend writing is quite sparring these days compared to my early days. I’ve got a full-time job, friends I cherish, and well…a life worth living. I want to continue to create things, but how can I continue to keep track of my creativity while not being able to write as much?
This past week I had an answer, Aftercare. The idea behind this blog series is for me to take a sort of retrospective on my latest work after publishing it and letting the dust settle. I want to be able to talk about all these ideas that I have when going into a story, how I went about exploring them with my characters, and finally how I feel it turned out in the end. In this way, I hope to be able to communicate with you guys a bit more as to where my thoughts are in case anyone finds them particularly interesting and in the same vein a place for people to comment on them. I’ve been meaning to find a way to catalog all the ideas that I wasn’t able to tackle or fit into a story (especially relevant with Taking a Break cause booooooy there are a lot of ambitions I had) so I hope this works well all around.
Now, without further ado, let’s unpack “Taking a Break”!
As mentioned I had tons of ideas for what to do with the Kennel and how it would affect my characters. I initially wanted to tell a story that showed a good example of how the Kennel would function. I wanted to tell the story of someone from intake, through training, an adoption, and then finally them processing their journey after it was done. The obvious choice was for me to do this with Fiz as I wanted to develop him more after the “Week End” era. I had outlined three stories:
-Part 1: In Processing
This first story picked up after the short interview I wrote for page four of “Kane’s Kennel”. It would’ve been told from Kane’s perspective and would’ve seen him checking Fiz into the Kennel. I wanted this story to introduce Fiz’s uncertainty about his future. Kane would’ve helped walk him through his emotions in a similar scene to the end of “Taking a Break”. It would’ve ended with a scene of Kane introducing Fiz to a shock collar to help him ease into an intense pup headspace. I might end up writing said scene as a short bit to go with a pic someday. Who knows!
-Part 2: Taking a Break
The general scene for “Taking a Break” was mostly unchanged, but due to me having to introduce and juggle so much in one story, I didn’t have time to get into everything I wanted to. It would’ve taken place in the break room inside the Kennel but over several days. Clive in particular would’ve played a much bigger role as Fiz would’ve been able to work up to talking with the tiger over multiple conversations rather than one long one. In terms of story, Fiz would’ve been starting to doubt his abilities of being experienced enough to be doing what he is doing. Only for Clive to enter his life and tell him that seeing him all pupped out in the tour is what got Clive interested in the Kennel in the first place. I wanted Fiz and Clive to develop a bit more of a relationship between them in this chapter, their personalities eventually lending them both greater confidence. Clive would see himself in Fiz and understand that his age doesn’t make him undesirable and Fiz would finally feel like other people would be inspired through seeing him play. The story would end with Kane and Fiz partaking in some deep hypnosis play.
-Part 3: ???
No really big notes for the story. I had the intention of Fiz “graduating” from the Kennel and being “adopted” by someone for a week. Fiz would have a good time and finally feel like he is a proper kinkster, but also desires a non-kinky job at Orderly Fashion so that he could find a good work/life balance so that he could spend more time closer to Kane and have a life outside of kink.
-Fiz:
I had the most plans for Fiz when curating my ideas post Kane’s Kennel. Despite him being my “main sona” so to speak I hadn’t been able to develop his character. In a sense, now that I’ve written “Taking a Break”, I still feel like I haven’t done him justice. I’ve always imagined him to have some sort of neurodivergence like ADHD or OCD. This would help shape his character and give a plausible explanation for his mental focus, i.e. his spacing out a lot. Interestingly enough, this would also have nothing to do with his receptiveness to Kane’s hypnosis. This contradiction was going to be the main conflict for him in part 1 of this narrative.
Fiz would’ve started the story just having been fired for lackluster performance at his job. Trouble by the notion that repeated trancing with Kane might be affecting his cognitive capabilities, he begins to feel like he doesn’t have control over his actions. This forms the beginning of a strong sense of imposter syndrome which would last throughout all three parts. For the first part, Kane would help walk him through these emotions and affirm that Fiz is in fact in control and that’s a good thing. To prove this and cap off the story Kane would walk Fiz through trying a shock collar for the first time, helping him ease into comfort by letting him be in control of the remote for a while and letting him find his comfort with it. As mentioned before I might try writing this scene in full as I do quite like the core idea.
Part two would have seen Fiz deal with his imposter syndrome in a new light from meeting Clive. After not feeling experienced enough to call himself a capable kinkster, Clive comes along and tells him that he is the reason for entering the Kennel in the first place. Fiz would then have to grapple more seriously with the notion that he is more experienced than he would let on and that some would now consider him to be a porn star to some extent.
Part three, as mentioned above, was never hashed out but I had always intended for Fiz to enjoy whatever scene he ended up doing but finding new appreciation for Kane’s company. With an intense scene under his belt with someone who isn’t him, he comes to realize all the ways the naga made him feel which he never noticed before. Perhaps in ways that go beyond the playroom? In the end, he decides to take up a job with Orderly Fashion (haven’t decided what but something not sexual) and asks to move in with Kane.
Fiz’s story arc was very exciting to think about but very difficult to capture. It’s very easy in media to portray conditions, particularly interpersonal conditions as simple equations of solution = problem solved. I wanted Fiz’s anxiety to be layered, as it wouldn’t make sense for him to suddenly stop being reserved socially once he confronts a specific aspect of it. This isn’t to say that I don’t think my characters can’t change, quite the opposite in fact, but if I deny them the chance to be interesting then writing them doesn’t engage me. I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of writing Fiz though, even when I need to simplify him for shorter stories I always find ways to make him shine in some way or another.
-Kane:
Kane’s arc would’ve been not as prevalent in this story as Fiz’s. I had intended on him dealing with the magnitude of running an entire operation like the Kennel, constantly discovering new ways things could go wrong but always taking the time to ensure the fun and safety of the Pets above all else. He would also grapple with the notion that Fiz is maturing into a fairly capable sub and perhaps might get bored of him someday sooner than he anticipated. This fear would be quelled throughout the story, particularly in the shock collar training ending part 1 as he comes to realize that there is still much he could do with Fiz. Mainly I had intended for him to get a bit emotional during the second act as he gets all prideful of Fiz handling himself well during his training. It is here that he would confess that Fiz could stay with him as long as he wanted.
Not much of this was able to be portrayed in what was published as the reader lacked the perspective from part one (as that one was told from Kane's POV). Still, I do look forward to writing about his caring personality with a variety of different subs in the future! Speaking of which…
-Clive:
Oh man, sometimes you hit an idea that just lodges its way firmly into your brain and gets stuck. I couldn’t stop thinking about Clive after coming up with him. What was going to be a throwaway character in part two ended up exploding into something so vast and beautiful I had to stop writing for two weeks straight to get my thoughts in order. What saved me was the notion that I couldn’t do him justice in Taking a Break and I’ll just have to use him again later cause like…there’s just too much to unpack. Where do I even begin?
One thing that I find lacking in pornographic depictions is the inclusion of older submissive individuals. This not only makes it difficult for older kinksters who enjoy subbing to project themselves onto some characters but also I find it lends to a bad stereotype where people who practice kink subbing are of a certain breed of individual. That is someone who can take two dicks up the ass/pussy at once while being throat swabbed in stress bondage for twenty hours. I’m not saying that mental image isn’t hot (it is actually :3) but it is nice to be reminded from time to time that people have their limits and, more importantly, lack experience in one way or another.
With Clive, I wanted to focus on the idea that lots of kinky folk IRL feel inadequate due to this lack of “proper” experiences. This feeling of lacking isn’t necessarily a bad thing in my opinion, I believe it’s what drives us kinksters to seek out play scenes and partners in the first place, but it does enforce a sense of imposter syndrome that comes and goes from time to time. You might be at a party or a con or a group chat and suddenly someone talks about something you aren’t into or don’t enjoy or haven’t tried before and it’s difficult to not think to yourself “I don’t belong here. What if they find out I don’t like that?”.
Even worse if it’s something more “normal” that you are anxious about:
“What if they find out I can’t bottom?”
“What if I choke on their cock?”
“What if they find out I’m asexual?”
These fears fester inside folks. And for those that don’t end up “fitting in” the kinky social network and end up getting fulfilling experiences, age and time ends up wearing you down.
That’s who Clive is. Someone who’s always known he’s a kinkster, but never had the opportunity to explore himself because he just didn’t have the opportunity. What does that do to someone? How does it shape them? Moreover, once they get the chance to finally explore themselves, what does that do to this individual who’s been through all this?
I’m not sure yet. I hope I can discover something meaningful with Clive.
At the very least, Clive is also a reflection of some individuals and friends who I’ve encountered over the past few years who are into their thirties and forties and all share some of these fears to some extent. It pains me whenever I see them eager to partake in the things that I’m doing, things that are making me happy, and feel like they can’t for some reason or another.
“I missed my chance.”
“I’m too old to be attractive like you.”
“You’ve been doing this longer so you’re better at it. I’m new, so who’d want to help me learn the ropes?”
I hope Clive allows these types of folks to feel a little less alone in the world.
Well, anyway that’s all the notes I have at the moment. It was nice to put it all down for once rather than trying to keep everything in my head. And as I mentioned feel free to poke my brain about anything here as I’m always happy to have the opportunity to better refine my ideas. Hopefully, these characters and themes will make appearances in my works soon!
Well, what changed was that my last story, “Taking a Break,” happened to be one of the most stressful writing experiences I’ve had. It all started with the publishing of the comic “Kane’s Kennel,” which I loved creating with the help of Kiwyne. The surge of creative energy I felt upon publishing it was unreal. I wanted to expand on this setting I created. I was ambitious—a bit too ambitious, in fact.
As I stated in an old post on FA, the time that I actually get to spend writing is quite sparring these days compared to my early days. I’ve got a full-time job, friends I cherish, and well…a life worth living. I want to continue to create things, but how can I continue to keep track of my creativity while not being able to write as much?
This past week I had an answer, Aftercare. The idea behind this blog series is for me to take a sort of retrospective on my latest work after publishing it and letting the dust settle. I want to be able to talk about all these ideas that I have when going into a story, how I went about exploring them with my characters, and finally how I feel it turned out in the end. In this way, I hope to be able to communicate with you guys a bit more as to where my thoughts are in case anyone finds them particularly interesting and in the same vein a place for people to comment on them. I’ve been meaning to find a way to catalog all the ideas that I wasn’t able to tackle or fit into a story (especially relevant with Taking a Break cause booooooy there are a lot of ambitions I had) so I hope this works well all around.
Now, without further ado, let’s unpack “Taking a Break”!
As mentioned I had tons of ideas for what to do with the Kennel and how it would affect my characters. I initially wanted to tell a story that showed a good example of how the Kennel would function. I wanted to tell the story of someone from intake, through training, an adoption, and then finally them processing their journey after it was done. The obvious choice was for me to do this with Fiz as I wanted to develop him more after the “Week End” era. I had outlined three stories:
-Part 1: In Processing
This first story picked up after the short interview I wrote for page four of “Kane’s Kennel”. It would’ve been told from Kane’s perspective and would’ve seen him checking Fiz into the Kennel. I wanted this story to introduce Fiz’s uncertainty about his future. Kane would’ve helped walk him through his emotions in a similar scene to the end of “Taking a Break”. It would’ve ended with a scene of Kane introducing Fiz to a shock collar to help him ease into an intense pup headspace. I might end up writing said scene as a short bit to go with a pic someday. Who knows!
-Part 2: Taking a Break
The general scene for “Taking a Break” was mostly unchanged, but due to me having to introduce and juggle so much in one story, I didn’t have time to get into everything I wanted to. It would’ve taken place in the break room inside the Kennel but over several days. Clive in particular would’ve played a much bigger role as Fiz would’ve been able to work up to talking with the tiger over multiple conversations rather than one long one. In terms of story, Fiz would’ve been starting to doubt his abilities of being experienced enough to be doing what he is doing. Only for Clive to enter his life and tell him that seeing him all pupped out in the tour is what got Clive interested in the Kennel in the first place. I wanted Fiz and Clive to develop a bit more of a relationship between them in this chapter, their personalities eventually lending them both greater confidence. Clive would see himself in Fiz and understand that his age doesn’t make him undesirable and Fiz would finally feel like other people would be inspired through seeing him play. The story would end with Kane and Fiz partaking in some deep hypnosis play.
-Part 3: ???
No really big notes for the story. I had the intention of Fiz “graduating” from the Kennel and being “adopted” by someone for a week. Fiz would have a good time and finally feel like he is a proper kinkster, but also desires a non-kinky job at Orderly Fashion so that he could find a good work/life balance so that he could spend more time closer to Kane and have a life outside of kink.
-Fiz:
I had the most plans for Fiz when curating my ideas post Kane’s Kennel. Despite him being my “main sona” so to speak I hadn’t been able to develop his character. In a sense, now that I’ve written “Taking a Break”, I still feel like I haven’t done him justice. I’ve always imagined him to have some sort of neurodivergence like ADHD or OCD. This would help shape his character and give a plausible explanation for his mental focus, i.e. his spacing out a lot. Interestingly enough, this would also have nothing to do with his receptiveness to Kane’s hypnosis. This contradiction was going to be the main conflict for him in part 1 of this narrative.
Fiz would’ve started the story just having been fired for lackluster performance at his job. Trouble by the notion that repeated trancing with Kane might be affecting his cognitive capabilities, he begins to feel like he doesn’t have control over his actions. This forms the beginning of a strong sense of imposter syndrome which would last throughout all three parts. For the first part, Kane would help walk him through these emotions and affirm that Fiz is in fact in control and that’s a good thing. To prove this and cap off the story Kane would walk Fiz through trying a shock collar for the first time, helping him ease into comfort by letting him be in control of the remote for a while and letting him find his comfort with it. As mentioned before I might try writing this scene in full as I do quite like the core idea.
Part two would have seen Fiz deal with his imposter syndrome in a new light from meeting Clive. After not feeling experienced enough to call himself a capable kinkster, Clive comes along and tells him that he is the reason for entering the Kennel in the first place. Fiz would then have to grapple more seriously with the notion that he is more experienced than he would let on and that some would now consider him to be a porn star to some extent.
Part three, as mentioned above, was never hashed out but I had always intended for Fiz to enjoy whatever scene he ended up doing but finding new appreciation for Kane’s company. With an intense scene under his belt with someone who isn’t him, he comes to realize all the ways the naga made him feel which he never noticed before. Perhaps in ways that go beyond the playroom? In the end, he decides to take up a job with Orderly Fashion (haven’t decided what but something not sexual) and asks to move in with Kane.
Fiz’s story arc was very exciting to think about but very difficult to capture. It’s very easy in media to portray conditions, particularly interpersonal conditions as simple equations of solution = problem solved. I wanted Fiz’s anxiety to be layered, as it wouldn’t make sense for him to suddenly stop being reserved socially once he confronts a specific aspect of it. This isn’t to say that I don’t think my characters can’t change, quite the opposite in fact, but if I deny them the chance to be interesting then writing them doesn’t engage me. I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of writing Fiz though, even when I need to simplify him for shorter stories I always find ways to make him shine in some way or another.
-Kane:
Kane’s arc would’ve been not as prevalent in this story as Fiz’s. I had intended on him dealing with the magnitude of running an entire operation like the Kennel, constantly discovering new ways things could go wrong but always taking the time to ensure the fun and safety of the Pets above all else. He would also grapple with the notion that Fiz is maturing into a fairly capable sub and perhaps might get bored of him someday sooner than he anticipated. This fear would be quelled throughout the story, particularly in the shock collar training ending part 1 as he comes to realize that there is still much he could do with Fiz. Mainly I had intended for him to get a bit emotional during the second act as he gets all prideful of Fiz handling himself well during his training. It is here that he would confess that Fiz could stay with him as long as he wanted.
Not much of this was able to be portrayed in what was published as the reader lacked the perspective from part one (as that one was told from Kane's POV). Still, I do look forward to writing about his caring personality with a variety of different subs in the future! Speaking of which…
-Clive:
Oh man, sometimes you hit an idea that just lodges its way firmly into your brain and gets stuck. I couldn’t stop thinking about Clive after coming up with him. What was going to be a throwaway character in part two ended up exploding into something so vast and beautiful I had to stop writing for two weeks straight to get my thoughts in order. What saved me was the notion that I couldn’t do him justice in Taking a Break and I’ll just have to use him again later cause like…there’s just too much to unpack. Where do I even begin?
One thing that I find lacking in pornographic depictions is the inclusion of older submissive individuals. This not only makes it difficult for older kinksters who enjoy subbing to project themselves onto some characters but also I find it lends to a bad stereotype where people who practice kink subbing are of a certain breed of individual. That is someone who can take two dicks up the ass/pussy at once while being throat swabbed in stress bondage for twenty hours. I’m not saying that mental image isn’t hot (it is actually :3) but it is nice to be reminded from time to time that people have their limits and, more importantly, lack experience in one way or another.
With Clive, I wanted to focus on the idea that lots of kinky folk IRL feel inadequate due to this lack of “proper” experiences. This feeling of lacking isn’t necessarily a bad thing in my opinion, I believe it’s what drives us kinksters to seek out play scenes and partners in the first place, but it does enforce a sense of imposter syndrome that comes and goes from time to time. You might be at a party or a con or a group chat and suddenly someone talks about something you aren’t into or don’t enjoy or haven’t tried before and it’s difficult to not think to yourself “I don’t belong here. What if they find out I don’t like that?”.
Even worse if it’s something more “normal” that you are anxious about:
“What if they find out I can’t bottom?”
“What if I choke on their cock?”
“What if they find out I’m asexual?”
These fears fester inside folks. And for those that don’t end up “fitting in” the kinky social network and end up getting fulfilling experiences, age and time ends up wearing you down.
That’s who Clive is. Someone who’s always known he’s a kinkster, but never had the opportunity to explore himself because he just didn’t have the opportunity. What does that do to someone? How does it shape them? Moreover, once they get the chance to finally explore themselves, what does that do to this individual who’s been through all this?
I’m not sure yet. I hope I can discover something meaningful with Clive.
At the very least, Clive is also a reflection of some individuals and friends who I’ve encountered over the past few years who are into their thirties and forties and all share some of these fears to some extent. It pains me whenever I see them eager to partake in the things that I’m doing, things that are making me happy, and feel like they can’t for some reason or another.
“I missed my chance.”
“I’m too old to be attractive like you.”
“You’ve been doing this longer so you’re better at it. I’m new, so who’d want to help me learn the ropes?”
I hope Clive allows these types of folks to feel a little less alone in the world.
Well, anyway that’s all the notes I have at the moment. It was nice to put it all down for once rather than trying to keep everything in my head. And as I mentioned feel free to poke my brain about anything here as I’m always happy to have the opportunity to better refine my ideas. Hopefully, these characters and themes will make appearances in my works soon!
I can definitely associate with Clive on these thoughts >u.=.u<
Much appreaciated to see that stuff in writing <3