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Eye of the World - REVIEW
9 months ago
Let me share my pain with you.
Wheel of Time. 16 book fantasy series. First book, Eye of the World. If you like it, there's plenty more.
I was told Wheel of Time is unintentionally lewd, with numerous times female wizards are captured, and jailed completely naked except for a mind control collar, with unintentional BDSM themes. I mis-heard. Some other fantasy series. What the first book delivers is a sweaty old male bard teaching his two sweaty young male apprentices how to make sweet music on his flute, and handle balls skillfully for entertainment. In a totally hetero father-figure way, of course.
50% of Eye of the World by volume, is boring downtime.
Seriously, I would rather read the chapter of Lord of the Rings with Tom Tombadill 16 times than the 16 downtime chapters dispersed throughout Eye of the World
Eye of the World is Discount Lord of the Rings. A female wizard and off-brand Aragorn along with the author's Level 16 Bard from his DnD campaign, lead 3 farm boys and 1 farm girl, total 4 knock-off hobbits, to not-Rivendell, while pursued by ringwraith-clones and bands of trollocs.
Let me tell you about trollocs.
FURRIES, TAKE NOTE!
A Trolloc is a wolf-goat hybrid, clad in half-plate (the other half is chainmail) for maximal protection while having maximal mobility and comfort for their species.
They live in nomadic warrior tribes, trained to hunt, track prey, and fight from birth. They are capable of traveling cross-country faster than a human on horseback, stealthily, such that human kingdoms have no fucking idea when a trolloc warband appears over the horizon, and coordinating pincer attacks with other tribes beyond visual range by use of signalling horns.
They have trained intelligent birds such as ravens and crows, and use them as scouts.
They can speak both their native language and human languages, and know the deep lore. The average trolloc knows the name of the ruined city the average human farmer has never heard of, and what cursed eldritch horror awaits within.
They know which places have deep magic, and are familiar through their own traditions, with legends only the most highly educated wizards or bards among humans also know.
They have the discipline to pass cross-country in record time, unseen, and make surgical strikes against a particular farmhouse, or one single individual person, if ordered to.
IMAGINE ONE ARMED AND ARMORED TROLLOC WARRIOR vs A HUMAN FARMBOY WITH A RUSTY OLD SWORD
OUTCOME The human boy who has never fought in his life, can just hold the sword out, and the trolloc will impale himself on it, right through the armor, and die instantly, according to the author.
Seriously.
SERIOUSLY.
Why has this race of wolf-goat anthro hybrids not conquerored the world yet? Human kings and queens should be paying tribute at the hooves of the trolloc warlord.
Instead they are used by the author as disposable thugs that die to paper cuts.
Fucking human writers, man.....
Wheel of Time. 16 book fantasy series. First book, Eye of the World. If you like it, there's plenty more.
I was told Wheel of Time is unintentionally lewd, with numerous times female wizards are captured, and jailed completely naked except for a mind control collar, with unintentional BDSM themes. I mis-heard. Some other fantasy series. What the first book delivers is a sweaty old male bard teaching his two sweaty young male apprentices how to make sweet music on his flute, and handle balls skillfully for entertainment. In a totally hetero father-figure way, of course.
50% of Eye of the World by volume, is boring downtime.
Seriously, I would rather read the chapter of Lord of the Rings with Tom Tombadill 16 times than the 16 downtime chapters dispersed throughout Eye of the World
Eye of the World is Discount Lord of the Rings. A female wizard and off-brand Aragorn along with the author's Level 16 Bard from his DnD campaign, lead 3 farm boys and 1 farm girl, total 4 knock-off hobbits, to not-Rivendell, while pursued by ringwraith-clones and bands of trollocs.
Let me tell you about trollocs.
FURRIES, TAKE NOTE!
A Trolloc is a wolf-goat hybrid, clad in half-plate (the other half is chainmail) for maximal protection while having maximal mobility and comfort for their species.
They live in nomadic warrior tribes, trained to hunt, track prey, and fight from birth. They are capable of traveling cross-country faster than a human on horseback, stealthily, such that human kingdoms have no fucking idea when a trolloc warband appears over the horizon, and coordinating pincer attacks with other tribes beyond visual range by use of signalling horns.
They have trained intelligent birds such as ravens and crows, and use them as scouts.
They can speak both their native language and human languages, and know the deep lore. The average trolloc knows the name of the ruined city the average human farmer has never heard of, and what cursed eldritch horror awaits within.
They know which places have deep magic, and are familiar through their own traditions, with legends only the most highly educated wizards or bards among humans also know.
They have the discipline to pass cross-country in record time, unseen, and make surgical strikes against a particular farmhouse, or one single individual person, if ordered to.
IMAGINE ONE ARMED AND ARMORED TROLLOC WARRIOR vs A HUMAN FARMBOY WITH A RUSTY OLD SWORD
OUTCOME The human boy who has never fought in his life, can just hold the sword out, and the trolloc will impale himself on it, right through the armor, and die instantly, according to the author.
Seriously.
SERIOUSLY.
Why has this race of wolf-goat anthro hybrids not conquerored the world yet? Human kings and queens should be paying tribute at the hooves of the trolloc warlord.
Instead they are used by the author as disposable thugs that die to paper cuts.
Fucking human writers, man.....
