Aw, Dang it!

Aw, Dang it!

Is everything ok?

A handful of small things thankfully I guess. I've had half of my already piss poor total income stripped away for the past 6 months due to some sick bureaucracy game and poorly staffed public services just because I forgot to get a certified doctor to take a single glance at me and nod, "Yes this guy has still not suddenly invented a miracle cure for half of the world's fetal brain development issues." in time and then had to wait four more months in patience before one could even be available for booking an appointment. The past 6 months have been a death spiral and after having to pay the last of this month's utility bills with e-begging money yesterday with all my life savings already gone, I caved in and tried to try and maybe at least get a new application filled for the thing, but after I had almost finished pouring my heart out and every single date of past paperworks I could find digging through all my drawers into it, the service login timed out and wiped the whole thing and I snapped. In my unstable delirium I typed up a whole page of flavorfully ranty text with trauma dumping about having been born and lived as society's rock bottom trash with no way out for over 30 years and borderline threats to my safety and possibly theirs too, left vaguely up to interpretation. Straight up rampage manifesto tier shit. I hit send. And then I realized I sent it to the wrong submission category so I sent it again to the correct one. At least this time they'll have to deliberately ignore it twice if they're gonna do so. The only thing I regret is sticking around for long enough to see the entire world around me implode in shit.

Other than that I'm doing pretty alright. Sitting rather comfortably and petting my soft doggy as she happily wags her big fluffy tail next to me <3

*hug*

I'm sorry, dude.

Got too terrified of tomorrow to the point of feeling nauseous about it that i just ended up sending a little follow-up message to both of the recipients of the last message, showing some remorse and letting them know things have stabilized a little again and that it's not a real emergency yet. Not taking any of my words back though. Shit spilled out but it was genuine shit nonetheless.

It's just gotten so bad that I can literally feel the stress and blood pressure bulging out the veins inside my teeth and nose and brain, all those sensitive nerves feeling that throbbing pressure and making it feel like i'm being facesat by the thickest ghost in town.

I already popped something in my brain out of nowhere fainting in the middle of the day a couple years ago just having a normal day back then. It did feel immensely invigorating though and one of the most blissful feelings i'd had in decades, but that sorta stuff happening cannot be very healthy... And I just noticed I casually typed through that sentence just fluidly spelling one as "whan" as its sound in my head before i read it through again and got baffled by how that even happened without any awareness :v

Ouugh... Is this how it feels like to have a stroke? Fucking hell wish me some luck okay. Didn't expect that to be the secret E option...

Against any good judgement i had a little sauna session. Felt like I was edging it the whole time. Additional sensations on top of the facial ghost ass included ears rumbling like pressed against water pipes, kinda wanting to throw up a little, not really feeling hot at all in there, some lightheadedness, briefly forgot how to speak finnish, and an instinctual takeover urge to splash the rest of the water into my face before fucking off to shower. At least I ain't gonna drop filthy if i do.

I think my meatbag's feeling normal enough again.