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i think i may have actual brain damage
7 months ago
Nothing new or urgent tho. Been like that for at least 20 years, probably more.
"Idiot savant" is such a funny concept and probably what i've always considered myself to be. Brain stats minmaxed into a single egg basket. And with all that, still achieving some wild shit through sheer stubborn determination feels kinda great tbh. Brain sorcery with zero wizardry shit. All my brain points vaguely poured into "problem solving" and some for "eyeballing measurements", which have somehow enabled my art, design, and gamedev skills as a side effect. The rest of my brain functions are like... dog level I guess. That or someone born with platinum trophy on fetal development issues. Forsake the use of one of the billionaire worship cult's favorite slurs. I really struggle to use my brain for literally everything else and can't remember jack shit what comes to learning most stuff. Whenever I gotta like really think, it feels like i'm physically scrunching my smooth brain like juicing a fruit barehanded. Like i gotta imagine my my brain wrinkly so hard it kind of begins manifesting, as reliably as an imaginary thing conjured into existence through sheer willpower can. When I do arts I can't recall skills or techniques. I just kinda develop them from scratch with the help of some context clues every time. When I code I don't "know" any coding language. I just look at how existing code around it is done and work around that. If I don't got any sufficient context clues to recreate the circumstances of the initial experience my whole brain just runs away into the woods forever lol. But like a dog I can still learn tricks! And being a good boy gets my ass all waggy. Positive reinforcement.
Anyway last night I managed to create a smooth 3rd person voreprey view tracker system with analog stick camera controls for Bastard Mod VR version in a game that literally has zero support for any kind of nth person camera system whatsoever and got it working damn near flawlessly through several stubborn hours of sticky shit+wall coding strats. What is an "impossible thing" if not a challenge for a grit tripping halfwit. I dread the moment an actual skilled individual takes a look at my source codes and finds the thickly coated walls of my stinky-style abstract expressionism hiding in there...
Also I still haven't received that money fsghjkd true bureaucracy moment. At least I did manage to convince them to move the case up an urgency level this week, after 3 more weeks of waiting for a single guy to take a look at a paper and say "Yup that's a paper". Hopefully maybe next week...
I went through so many loops trying to find some of these fancy words i vaguely knew existed through loose swings of context based search engine sleuthing lmao. But I found them! ...Eventually :v
Anyway I forgot what I was planning to write like 3 sentences in and just ended up rambling out of my ass into a vague direction of the subject I forgot. Felt nice tho. Felt smart. Grandiloquence.
There's juice on the floor.
"Idiot savant" is such a funny concept and probably what i've always considered myself to be. Brain stats minmaxed into a single egg basket. And with all that, still achieving some wild shit through sheer stubborn determination feels kinda great tbh. Brain sorcery with zero wizardry shit. All my brain points vaguely poured into "problem solving" and some for "eyeballing measurements", which have somehow enabled my art, design, and gamedev skills as a side effect. The rest of my brain functions are like... dog level I guess. That or someone born with platinum trophy on fetal development issues. Forsake the use of one of the billionaire worship cult's favorite slurs. I really struggle to use my brain for literally everything else and can't remember jack shit what comes to learning most stuff. Whenever I gotta like really think, it feels like i'm physically scrunching my smooth brain like juicing a fruit barehanded. Like i gotta imagine my my brain wrinkly so hard it kind of begins manifesting, as reliably as an imaginary thing conjured into existence through sheer willpower can. When I do arts I can't recall skills or techniques. I just kinda develop them from scratch with the help of some context clues every time. When I code I don't "know" any coding language. I just look at how existing code around it is done and work around that. If I don't got any sufficient context clues to recreate the circumstances of the initial experience my whole brain just runs away into the woods forever lol. But like a dog I can still learn tricks! And being a good boy gets my ass all waggy. Positive reinforcement.
Anyway last night I managed to create a smooth 3rd person voreprey view tracker system with analog stick camera controls for Bastard Mod VR version in a game that literally has zero support for any kind of nth person camera system whatsoever and got it working damn near flawlessly through several stubborn hours of sticky shit+wall coding strats. What is an "impossible thing" if not a challenge for a grit tripping halfwit. I dread the moment an actual skilled individual takes a look at my source codes and finds the thickly coated walls of my stinky-style abstract expressionism hiding in there...
Also I still haven't received that money fsghjkd true bureaucracy moment. At least I did manage to convince them to move the case up an urgency level this week, after 3 more weeks of waiting for a single guy to take a look at a paper and say "Yup that's a paper". Hopefully maybe next week...
I went through so many loops trying to find some of these fancy words i vaguely knew existed through loose swings of context based search engine sleuthing lmao. But I found them! ...Eventually :v
Anyway I forgot what I was planning to write like 3 sentences in and just ended up rambling out of my ass into a vague direction of the subject I forgot. Felt nice tho. Felt smart. Grandiloquence.
There's juice on the floor.
Honestly a lot of this is highly relatable, different flavours of the same but yeah :/ wheeeeee!
Kinda feel that tho'. Some days the brain fog's just BAD and you sorta stare off into the middle nothing and have things that only vaguely resemble thoughts if you're being charitable.
And then you find that ONE THING and suddenly it's GO TIME and now it's 6 in the morning and you should have slept hours ago and....why is a full coded game/drawn art just sitting there, what happened? Whomst?