Hmmm... the written thought... I do wish I had more confidence. Ik what I bring/offer does have value. But no one really wants it so I kind of question just how much value it really has. If I'm the only one who says it has value, I question whether it truly has value. A dollar is only worth a dollar cause everyone else says that's its worth. Since no one really proves by action that what I offer is valuable and desirable, that means its value isn't actually there. People can say they want it, and say it has value, but then show that it's really not worth much to em.

I have enough confidence to have self respect. Just not enough to put up a wall that doesn't make me question the value. I think 20+ years ago what I bring would've had more value to folks. Now it's just like, nope. Least if I go by how often it gets overlooked, and left. Usually under "well I can just do that stuff myself. Why do I need to be with you to get it?" And my only answer is, "idk. I don't offer much else despite efforts. The point is you don't have to do it yourself. It's how I show love and show up. I take things off your plate so you don't have to do everything. I share responsibility so you have more time to do things you want, enjoy."

That's how I see it. More time to chill. More time to enjoy eachother. Shit like that. Or apparently dumb shit like that. But everyone be like "I'll just do that myself. What else you got?" Like I'm supposed to have millions of dollars, good looks, or whatever, or something. Like, what else is there? That's called effort and valuing you so much I wanna make life easier and comfortable for you. Literally offering my services, time, effort, various kinds of support, and body too cause prey and submissive. That's not enough? What ridiculous standards exist these days? Expecting Disney perfect relationships and results without putting effort and time in? And if it ain't that, then it ain't real? That doesn't make any sense to me