Probably just dumping my thoughts to myself in here, maybe I can go back to it later weeks or months from now on. And see if it changed...

I constantly feel like I don't really matter most of the time. Not only that, I truly believe sometimes the world would be a better place for everyone I know, hadn't they ever met me.

If me being "hard on my artwork" wasn't bad enough, I also happen to regularly think of worst case scenarios. My constant paranoia and insecurities, telling me maybe I should do myself in, leave everything behind and isolate myself, feeling like a shame to anyone around me.

I get to see how everything around is good times until I decide to show up, almost as if I always happen to bring in the bad mood, the bad type of energy and influence. I've known for a while I'm not an enjoyable individual, should've taken the hint...
Nothing I do seems to cut it or even tryiing to change my ways either. It all points that I am just not wanted in this life anyway...

It all ends up with extreme self-loathing at the things I do and say, all of it. To the point of even thinking being born myself was a mistake.

Maybe I should actually leave, in the end, anything can be replaced, including me.

If my art is forgettable, horrible and replaceable... Maybe I am as well.