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May 2025 Writing Journal: Burnout Ahoy
3 months ago
Ugh this month really sucked.
You know why it sucked?
I really didn't have much of an excuse to fail as badly as I did this time.
Really, no massive crises happened this month. I didn't get sick, my car still hasn't died (Though the anxiety still continues unabated), my family is ok, and the only thing I've really struggled with is maintaining my sleep schedule. I shouldn't be having such a hard time writing, but I still am. Hell, my financial issues are finally showing signs of abating soon and I won't need to stress over them after next month, assuming I don't get laid off. (Again, the anxiety continues unabated)
I dunno, I'm starting to think I'm getting closer to hitting the upper limits on my ability as a writer, at least in terms of volume over time. Every year I've pushed my goal higher and higher, and while I've been hitting many of them, I know I will eventually hit a ceiling. I know people like Steven King can produce truly ludicrous amounts of words, (dude does like 70K per month holy fuck) but many of these high-volume writers are doing it as their job without any other work to worry about while I'm writing on top of my own full time job. I just... dread the thought of hitting that ceiling, I wanna keep getting better.
Ugh, this is why I'm so late with this journal.
Well, let's get it over with shall we?
MAY 2025 WRITING SUMMARY
-PRIMARY OBJECTIVES-
✔️ -Editing of Crossing of the Paths - Book 2: Darkness & Light - Chunk 5: Finished! 38,387 words edited, of which 1,699 words were newly added
❌ -Untitled Comm for ah1987: 0 words written
❌ -Untitled Comm for lateinshowing: 0 words written
OR
❌ -Untitled Comm for dreadfulart: Expected 0 words written
-SECONDARY OBJECTIVES-
✔️ -Tellurium Chains - Chunk 1: Finished! 6,366 new words written
✔️ -Editing of Tellurium Chains - Chunk 1: Finished! 17,648 total words edited
❌ -Crossing of the Paths - Book 2: Darkness & Light - Chunk 6: 0 words written on a goal of any
❌ -The Other Path - Pyrogenesis - Chunk 1: 0 words edited/transcribed
✔️ -The River in the Valley - Chunk 1: Finished! 7,419 new words written
✔️ -Editing of The River in the Valley - Chunk 1: Finished! 16,120 total words edited
✔️ -The River in the Valley - Chunk 2: 1,277 new words written
-WORDS ADDED DURING EDITING-
-Granddaughters of Din: 1,198 new words written
❌ -TOTAL WORDS WRITTEN IN MAY 2025: 17,959 words!
✔️ -TOTAL WORDS EDITED IN MAY 2025: 72,155 words!
Well, I guess this isn't the worst. Given those gigantic editing numbers, this wasn't terrible. Though I didn't do ALL 72K this month, I just counted them this month. I did miss my monthly quota by a nasty 9,819 words, which sucks. It means my year-on deficit has re-grown itself back up to 24,125 words again, almost as bad as the March deficit. Yow.
I guess I'm not as bad off as I thought though. 24K is still recoverable, I just need another solid Nano-sized month to rebuild my progress. I think I may also be confronting the fact now that I may just be in Writer's Block on my older projects like Arina is All and Mutagen Origins, because every time I think about them I can feel the spark of wanting to write more of them, but when I load the actual documents and see where I left off, my muse goes NOPE NOPE NOPE. I think me starting all these new projects like Tellurium Chains and The River in the Valley is a symptom of that writer's block. I am somewhat hopeful now that if I can break those blocks, I might be able to regain some momentum and write more.
But breaking blocks is hard. I know the easiest way to do it is delete the stuff that feels like it's weighing me down and rewrite a ton. I had to do that so much in COTP it's hilarious. And yes, it feels AMAZING to have D&L Chunk 5 finally fully edited and posted. But man, deleting stuff and rewriting it is like pulling teeth. I tried to do a bunch of it in Granddaughters of Din this month too and only managed a little, hence you seeing it again dragged out of cold storage and put into the Words Added During Editing section.
But it's not only writer's block, I think there genuinely is a bit of burnout going on too. I couldn't even bring myself to touch my commission queue at all even though those stories were on my Primary Objectives. I think writing for other people gets much harder when my muse is fighting tooth and nail to do nothing. My Satisfactory game addiction is also back with a vengeance this month too. So yeah, oof. Now that I think about it, I think this month was a mixture of a ton of different small things messing me up rather than a few big noteworthy things.
MAY 2025 WRITING GOALS
Well, this month I'm probably gonna be a little bit LESS ambitious. The main reason is that from June 13th through the 22nd, I'm going on vacation to visit my family. They're having a big wedding anniversary party and wanted me there, and I'm burning a whole week of vacation time to chill with them. I may try to write a little bit while I'm there, especially since my Dad and I have a tradition of spending time together on our laptops working on writing together. But I also know I've done this before and not gotten amazingly big results either, heh. I also know June isn't gonna be amazing because this journal is so late that I'm already 8 days deep in it and only written a little bit, oof. Still, gonna try to at least make my quota.
-PRIMARY OBJECTIVES-
-Crossing of the Paths - Book 2: Darkness & Light - Chunk 6: ANY wordcount
-Untitled Comm for ah1987: Expected 7,500 words
-Untitled Comm for lateinshowing: Expected 15,000 words
OR
-Untitled Comm for dreadfulart: Expected 15,000 words
-SECONDARY OBJECTIVES-
-Tellurium Chains - Chunk 2: ANY wordcount
-The River in the Valley - Chunk 2: ANY wordcount
-Mutagen Origins Chunk 4: ANY wordcount
-Arina is All Chunk 12: ANY wordcount
Total Expected Writing Wordcount for June 2025: 27,778 words
Total Expected Editing Wordcount for June 2025: 0 words
At this point I'm beginning to just give up on planning out future wordcounts because of how nebulous everything is getting, lol. All that really matters is just hitting minimum quota. If I can do that despite losing more than a week to my folks, then that'll be more than enough of a win for me. I'm putting my old stuff back on the docket because I want to at least make SOME sort of effort to break my writer's blocks on them, while still keeping the newer stuff on there too so I have something non-blocked to go to if the burnout persists and my muse refuses to cooperate.
Besides, I'm at least tentatively more optimistic for July than I am for June. July I get my usual big block of extra time off from work for Fireworks Day, and that won't be taken up by my family. Moreover, SGDQ does NOT take place simultaneously with my Fireworks Day time off this year too, so those extra days off won't be sucked into distractions watching the speed runs. Ideally I'll be able to pull another 50K July like I've done in the past and regain some serious ground on my wordcount deficit.
Or, who knows, maybe a week at my folks this month will re-energize me hardcore and I'll come back swinging in the latter half of June? We'll see! Let's just cross our fingers and hope. Praying again that no layoffs come and my car keeps running just long enough to outlast my final big cycle of awful bills and I can take it in for an inspection before it explodes.
Also, Happy Pride to y'all too! Hope you have a delightfully gay month! <3
You know why it sucked?
I really didn't have much of an excuse to fail as badly as I did this time.
Really, no massive crises happened this month. I didn't get sick, my car still hasn't died (Though the anxiety still continues unabated), my family is ok, and the only thing I've really struggled with is maintaining my sleep schedule. I shouldn't be having such a hard time writing, but I still am. Hell, my financial issues are finally showing signs of abating soon and I won't need to stress over them after next month, assuming I don't get laid off. (Again, the anxiety continues unabated)
I dunno, I'm starting to think I'm getting closer to hitting the upper limits on my ability as a writer, at least in terms of volume over time. Every year I've pushed my goal higher and higher, and while I've been hitting many of them, I know I will eventually hit a ceiling. I know people like Steven King can produce truly ludicrous amounts of words, (dude does like 70K per month holy fuck) but many of these high-volume writers are doing it as their job without any other work to worry about while I'm writing on top of my own full time job. I just... dread the thought of hitting that ceiling, I wanna keep getting better.
Ugh, this is why I'm so late with this journal.
Well, let's get it over with shall we?
MAY 2025 WRITING SUMMARY
-PRIMARY OBJECTIVES-
✔️ -Editing of Crossing of the Paths - Book 2: Darkness & Light - Chunk 5: Finished! 38,387 words edited, of which 1,699 words were newly added
❌ -Untitled Comm for ah1987: 0 words written
❌ -Untitled Comm for lateinshowing: 0 words written
OR
❌ -Untitled Comm for dreadfulart: Expected 0 words written
-SECONDARY OBJECTIVES-
✔️ -Tellurium Chains - Chunk 1: Finished! 6,366 new words written
✔️ -Editing of Tellurium Chains - Chunk 1: Finished! 17,648 total words edited
❌ -Crossing of the Paths - Book 2: Darkness & Light - Chunk 6: 0 words written on a goal of any
❌ -The Other Path - Pyrogenesis - Chunk 1: 0 words edited/transcribed
✔️ -The River in the Valley - Chunk 1: Finished! 7,419 new words written
✔️ -Editing of The River in the Valley - Chunk 1: Finished! 16,120 total words edited
✔️ -The River in the Valley - Chunk 2: 1,277 new words written
-WORDS ADDED DURING EDITING-
-Granddaughters of Din: 1,198 new words written
❌ -TOTAL WORDS WRITTEN IN MAY 2025: 17,959 words!
✔️ -TOTAL WORDS EDITED IN MAY 2025: 72,155 words!
Well, I guess this isn't the worst. Given those gigantic editing numbers, this wasn't terrible. Though I didn't do ALL 72K this month, I just counted them this month. I did miss my monthly quota by a nasty 9,819 words, which sucks. It means my year-on deficit has re-grown itself back up to 24,125 words again, almost as bad as the March deficit. Yow.
I guess I'm not as bad off as I thought though. 24K is still recoverable, I just need another solid Nano-sized month to rebuild my progress. I think I may also be confronting the fact now that I may just be in Writer's Block on my older projects like Arina is All and Mutagen Origins, because every time I think about them I can feel the spark of wanting to write more of them, but when I load the actual documents and see where I left off, my muse goes NOPE NOPE NOPE. I think me starting all these new projects like Tellurium Chains and The River in the Valley is a symptom of that writer's block. I am somewhat hopeful now that if I can break those blocks, I might be able to regain some momentum and write more.
But breaking blocks is hard. I know the easiest way to do it is delete the stuff that feels like it's weighing me down and rewrite a ton. I had to do that so much in COTP it's hilarious. And yes, it feels AMAZING to have D&L Chunk 5 finally fully edited and posted. But man, deleting stuff and rewriting it is like pulling teeth. I tried to do a bunch of it in Granddaughters of Din this month too and only managed a little, hence you seeing it again dragged out of cold storage and put into the Words Added During Editing section.
But it's not only writer's block, I think there genuinely is a bit of burnout going on too. I couldn't even bring myself to touch my commission queue at all even though those stories were on my Primary Objectives. I think writing for other people gets much harder when my muse is fighting tooth and nail to do nothing. My Satisfactory game addiction is also back with a vengeance this month too. So yeah, oof. Now that I think about it, I think this month was a mixture of a ton of different small things messing me up rather than a few big noteworthy things.
MAY 2025 WRITING GOALS
Well, this month I'm probably gonna be a little bit LESS ambitious. The main reason is that from June 13th through the 22nd, I'm going on vacation to visit my family. They're having a big wedding anniversary party and wanted me there, and I'm burning a whole week of vacation time to chill with them. I may try to write a little bit while I'm there, especially since my Dad and I have a tradition of spending time together on our laptops working on writing together. But I also know I've done this before and not gotten amazingly big results either, heh. I also know June isn't gonna be amazing because this journal is so late that I'm already 8 days deep in it and only written a little bit, oof. Still, gonna try to at least make my quota.
-PRIMARY OBJECTIVES-
-Crossing of the Paths - Book 2: Darkness & Light - Chunk 6: ANY wordcount
-Untitled Comm for ah1987: Expected 7,500 words
-Untitled Comm for lateinshowing: Expected 15,000 words
OR
-Untitled Comm for dreadfulart: Expected 15,000 words
-SECONDARY OBJECTIVES-
-Tellurium Chains - Chunk 2: ANY wordcount
-The River in the Valley - Chunk 2: ANY wordcount
-Mutagen Origins Chunk 4: ANY wordcount
-Arina is All Chunk 12: ANY wordcount
Total Expected Writing Wordcount for June 2025: 27,778 words
Total Expected Editing Wordcount for June 2025: 0 words
At this point I'm beginning to just give up on planning out future wordcounts because of how nebulous everything is getting, lol. All that really matters is just hitting minimum quota. If I can do that despite losing more than a week to my folks, then that'll be more than enough of a win for me. I'm putting my old stuff back on the docket because I want to at least make SOME sort of effort to break my writer's blocks on them, while still keeping the newer stuff on there too so I have something non-blocked to go to if the burnout persists and my muse refuses to cooperate.
Besides, I'm at least tentatively more optimistic for July than I am for June. July I get my usual big block of extra time off from work for Fireworks Day, and that won't be taken up by my family. Moreover, SGDQ does NOT take place simultaneously with my Fireworks Day time off this year too, so those extra days off won't be sucked into distractions watching the speed runs. Ideally I'll be able to pull another 50K July like I've done in the past and regain some serious ground on my wordcount deficit.
Or, who knows, maybe a week at my folks this month will re-energize me hardcore and I'll come back swinging in the latter half of June? We'll see! Let's just cross our fingers and hope. Praying again that no layoffs come and my car keeps running just long enough to outlast my final big cycle of awful bills and I can take it in for an inspection before it explodes.
Also, Happy Pride to y'all too! Hope you have a delightfully gay month! <3
LurkerHAD
~lurkerhad
Believe me, stress and sleep issues together can WRECK a person more harshly than almsot any disease or other woe. Been worse for wear for 2 years... you dont feel like yourself at all when it happens.
