So yeah, I'm going on my first trip out of state, on an airplane in over a decade. I'm going to San Diego Comic Con and hoping to help the table make the company ALOT of money. I really hope we can recoup a lot of the lost money from Diamond Distributors. Hubby has so many great ideas to help bring in people like autographed grab bags, plushie keychains, a cage to show off and sell our t-shirts and tons of new great looking racks to sell our comics. We have to up our quality to get people's attention now since we don't have diamond to rely on for sales.

Currently I'm sitting on two problems though. First one happens to be that I don't really travel well? I used to when my back wasn't as seriously in pain as it is now and my breathing issues. I used to love traveling back then. Now I just loathe it because I can't walk far without some sort of assistance since my leg looses feeling after a certain distance of walking. My health has been a downward spiral and according to a lawyer trying to get me disability, my doctors are not even "treating me". It's been the equivalent of triage or a band aid. Even he looked through all my medical records and found a more serious problem that no one even caught. He thinks I have fibromyalgia due to certain tests made a few years ago that showed I do have it but they never even addressed it at all. It really explains why everything always still hurts no matter the treatment. It may work for a little while and then it comes back and usually worse than the first day I went in for treatments. Not only that, but I was always told that the insurance I had didn't have any psychiatrists which is what he really wants me to see asap for all the mental health issues I'm having and that they actually DO, because he's dealt with hundreds of people like me who had to see them through university. Last time I messaged my doctor and put lawyer in the sentence, I got a reply immediately which never happened before. I see a different doc for the referrals after I get back from the convention. If I do have a chronic, mild to severe form of fibromyalgia instead, according to the lawyer, he thinks its a better reason for me to get disability from the judges standpoint. But I'm still at a loss. I was supposed to pay for disability every year with my taxes but since loosing my last w2 job to now, I haven't so in reality, I may not even be granted it since I don't have enough qualifying "credits" by paying into it. *sigh* I've been trying 3 years to get help and every year spent with a denial, makes my chances of actually winning, lessen.

Second problem is a little more embarrassing. While at the convention, I'll be seeing my sister and her family for lunch one of the days. I haven't spoken to her in over a decade as well. My brother was the one to tell me to reach out since I'll be in her area for the first time. I don't know how to be while around her, and all I remember of her are the toxic traits of the past. So I'm nervous. We are so different and I always see her as the only successful family sibling. I'm the poor starving artist and my brother is the hermity low paid tech. I don't want lectures that she used to give me, I don't want her to look down on me just because I like my job but I'm still not paid a living wage by it. I can't help but compare myself to her though and feel like I'm a failure. I just don't know how to talk to her when the last thing we ever spoke about was a fight over my living situation.

This trip will be such a mental, emotional and physical drain that I'm extremely worried at how I will feel coming back. Hubby though said he will do his best to help me on all those fronts. I love him so much T.T.