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*Flops Onto Bed Ded But Content*
2 months ago
Yes that misspell was on purpose ;).
Anyway, hi folks! I'm back from the trip and I was quite correct in my assumptions that I would very drained, physically, mentally and emotionally. I nearly had a panic attack at the venue the first day. TOO much stimulation and exhaustion from walking to the venue in a body that isn't ready to walk that far. I survived this though, and I'm thankful. Every trip back and fourth required an extended amount of meds, both topical and oral, to stop the pain and relax.
Other than that, I was shocked when a fan of the company actually remembered my very first time in 2001 when I went to that San Diego and received a commission from me. I helped a shy girl understand that she is on the right track on her art skills for illustrations (she also reminded me of my early self. I may not have much confidence in myself even now, but I'm better than I was back then).
I felt a little awkward when I met up with my sister and her family whom I hadn't seen in over a decade. Her son was only 2 when he first met me so he has no memory of me, but her daughter Harper remembered me pretty well. I gave them copies of the comics I've done art for and on. My sister and I spoke for nearly the entire 2 hours I was with her, catching up. But what made it all special, is the text I received when I got home. I cried because she gave me a real apology for everything in our past that had hurt me. She didn't give excuses and I understand her a lot better. This was an outcome I could only pray for. We've been chatting off and on now. She's learning about me as much as I am learning about her. It's been so long since I felt this sort of resolve with my own family. She told me, having a family has actually changed her for the better and while I was there, she was definitely different. Much more caring and kind than I ever remember. I don't know if it was for appearances, but it felt genuine.
It was enough for me to even apologize to her for how I was and still can be. I'm still learning to face my behaviors and actions and learn to cope with how I think and react. It's not easy having ADHD and possibly autism that's been masked subconsciously by me all my life to survive. I'm seeing a psychiatrist soon for it finally, and I get to discuss rheumatoid referrals on this Thursday. I feel so much pain in my back, my joints, my hips, and all over my body now that I am functioning less and less. I just want to be able to do my art for a living...
Anyway, hi folks! I'm back from the trip and I was quite correct in my assumptions that I would very drained, physically, mentally and emotionally. I nearly had a panic attack at the venue the first day. TOO much stimulation and exhaustion from walking to the venue in a body that isn't ready to walk that far. I survived this though, and I'm thankful. Every trip back and fourth required an extended amount of meds, both topical and oral, to stop the pain and relax.
Other than that, I was shocked when a fan of the company actually remembered my very first time in 2001 when I went to that San Diego and received a commission from me. I helped a shy girl understand that she is on the right track on her art skills for illustrations (she also reminded me of my early self. I may not have much confidence in myself even now, but I'm better than I was back then).
I felt a little awkward when I met up with my sister and her family whom I hadn't seen in over a decade. Her son was only 2 when he first met me so he has no memory of me, but her daughter Harper remembered me pretty well. I gave them copies of the comics I've done art for and on. My sister and I spoke for nearly the entire 2 hours I was with her, catching up. But what made it all special, is the text I received when I got home. I cried because she gave me a real apology for everything in our past that had hurt me. She didn't give excuses and I understand her a lot better. This was an outcome I could only pray for. We've been chatting off and on now. She's learning about me as much as I am learning about her. It's been so long since I felt this sort of resolve with my own family. She told me, having a family has actually changed her for the better and while I was there, she was definitely different. Much more caring and kind than I ever remember. I don't know if it was for appearances, but it felt genuine.
It was enough for me to even apologize to her for how I was and still can be. I'm still learning to face my behaviors and actions and learn to cope with how I think and react. It's not easy having ADHD and possibly autism that's been masked subconsciously by me all my life to survive. I'm seeing a psychiatrist soon for it finally, and I get to discuss rheumatoid referrals on this Thursday. I feel so much pain in my back, my joints, my hips, and all over my body now that I am functioning less and less. I just want to be able to do my art for a living...
Despite exhausting glad things went well with your sister and the con with cool special memories. Its the moment like that which make it worth it.
AriaLunaris
~arialunaris
OP
It is! I hold grudges a lot. I've been learning to let them go so i can move on and loose the anxiety and depression from what they caused me. I also desire closure. last time i saw my sister i had a huuuuge blow up and it was hard to get my feelings out properly because i can scream and not make sense. I dont do this often because i avoid things and people who push my buttons. Despite my tantrum, i think my sister got the jist of it. And ive done research on what causes how i act due to trauma like that in my past. A great friend i had had a similar issue with me later and after time, she apologised. now my sister has apologized, over a decade from that terrible fight. each time such things happen, i do notice i change. it takes time for me to process it because i had to review all the bad stuff that happened once again. but im beginning to learn how to let that anger fall if people apologize even if its years later. now my mind has to peel away those walls i had created to heal the pain properly now. the therapist i see helps alot of that now. and this is all so HUGE because this is the largest animosity and grudge i had in my life that affected every part of my life. so now i hope it will help change the psychology in my head.
