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Bit of yote lore (vent i guess)
3 months ago
So. In 2023, i was living life a bit on the fast lane. Forgot to eat and drink a lot, had anemia, weak immune system, very underweight.
My social life was crazy. Constant partying with furs, lots of alcohol, no self-care or exercise.
During that time i had ADHD meds that ultimately harmed me WAY more than helped.
So: My health suddenly collapsed. I got an infected tooth, which spread bacteria into my bloodstream.
Also known as sepsis. I also had bacterial endocarditis because of bacteria growth in my heart valve. I had to go to the cardiological ICU, and i appreciate EVERYONE who came to visit <3
The fandom was like family to me. The closer friends especially. I made preparations in case i wouldn't make it
While this was all happening, i got evicted from my apartment. Lost about 90-95% of my belongings.
Lost my dear rescue dog who i never got to say goodbye to, and that STINGS. To this day.
A close relative died too.
I was afraid any day was gonna be my last. I was so weak i couldn't even lift up my arms. I passed out in the chest x-ray machine.
The doctors told me that open heart surgery is the only option. Very serious shit at only age 29 at that point.
So, i made peace with death. I still cried occasionally. I had occasional panic attacks. But i "it is what it is"-ed my way out of it.
Surgery was a success, and i recovered for a month. I now have a nice good prosthetic heart valve :>
But. After getting discharged from the hospital - i was released right into the streets. Homeless.
One furry took me on their couch for a month, but i lived half from the back of my van. Recovering from fucking open heart surgery. This was the time when who i thought was my best friend decided to go gaslight-backstab-apeshit on me, and started spreading rumors, lies, and shit about me to "steal my spot" from the "fandom hierarchy", which didn't even exist.
They even took on my persona, my interests, my dialect - basically my entire "thing".
So, i was alone.
No social life.
No home.
No dog.
No money.
No property except my laptop, van, and a few knick knacks.
Bills to pay.
And a lot of unfair attacks on me for what amounted to 110% lies.
But then, a GOOD friend from the fandom said "you're NOT gonna sleep in your fucking van, get your ass here RIGHT THIS INSTANT". I'm forever in gratitude for her ; - ;
And i found an apartment soon after.
..and _THIS_ is what i call my new game +
New me, new name, new friends, new personality, no more masking. Live every day like it's your last. Never lose that spark inside.
And a few months ago, i decided to join discord. Found a very good tight-knit community by PURE LUCK. Been having the time of my life, while my local fandom explodes from the inside from the amount of burden and drama.
I found new interests. New hobbies. Widened my comfort zone and horizons.
Dated someone who i still feel like is my soulmate, but we're on a break until further notice because of life situations and personal differences.
Now it's almost august 2025, a bit over 2 years after it all. And after mogging that little runt of a motherfucker who ruined my social life, i feel like a massive boulder got lifted off my shoulders. He was a scared little kid lost in a supermarket when an actually dominant, very much deservedly pissed off coyote bumped into him at a rave. The dude didn't even have the balls to look at me. Ran away with his tail tucked between his legs.
I found a family where i feel like i belong. Where i feel wanted and accepted. And my presence is appreciated.
I have a gorgeous rescue dog.
I found druidism and spiritual stuff.
I quit drinking and changed into better, non-ritalin ADHD meds which have helped out a ton.
And being wicked and wild, untamed, living to the max feels so fucking fantastic i have no words for it.
I feel alive and good <3
My social life was crazy. Constant partying with furs, lots of alcohol, no self-care or exercise.
During that time i had ADHD meds that ultimately harmed me WAY more than helped.
So: My health suddenly collapsed. I got an infected tooth, which spread bacteria into my bloodstream.
Also known as sepsis. I also had bacterial endocarditis because of bacteria growth in my heart valve. I had to go to the cardiological ICU, and i appreciate EVERYONE who came to visit <3
The fandom was like family to me. The closer friends especially. I made preparations in case i wouldn't make it
While this was all happening, i got evicted from my apartment. Lost about 90-95% of my belongings.
Lost my dear rescue dog who i never got to say goodbye to, and that STINGS. To this day.
A close relative died too.
I was afraid any day was gonna be my last. I was so weak i couldn't even lift up my arms. I passed out in the chest x-ray machine.
The doctors told me that open heart surgery is the only option. Very serious shit at only age 29 at that point.
So, i made peace with death. I still cried occasionally. I had occasional panic attacks. But i "it is what it is"-ed my way out of it.
Surgery was a success, and i recovered for a month. I now have a nice good prosthetic heart valve :>
But. After getting discharged from the hospital - i was released right into the streets. Homeless.
One furry took me on their couch for a month, but i lived half from the back of my van. Recovering from fucking open heart surgery. This was the time when who i thought was my best friend decided to go gaslight-backstab-apeshit on me, and started spreading rumors, lies, and shit about me to "steal my spot" from the "fandom hierarchy", which didn't even exist.
They even took on my persona, my interests, my dialect - basically my entire "thing".
So, i was alone.
No social life.
No home.
No dog.
No money.
No property except my laptop, van, and a few knick knacks.
Bills to pay.
And a lot of unfair attacks on me for what amounted to 110% lies.
But then, a GOOD friend from the fandom said "you're NOT gonna sleep in your fucking van, get your ass here RIGHT THIS INSTANT". I'm forever in gratitude for her ; - ;
And i found an apartment soon after.
..and _THIS_ is what i call my new game +
New me, new name, new friends, new personality, no more masking. Live every day like it's your last. Never lose that spark inside.
And a few months ago, i decided to join discord. Found a very good tight-knit community by PURE LUCK. Been having the time of my life, while my local fandom explodes from the inside from the amount of burden and drama.
I found new interests. New hobbies. Widened my comfort zone and horizons.
Dated someone who i still feel like is my soulmate, but we're on a break until further notice because of life situations and personal differences.
Now it's almost august 2025, a bit over 2 years after it all. And after mogging that little runt of a motherfucker who ruined my social life, i feel like a massive boulder got lifted off my shoulders. He was a scared little kid lost in a supermarket when an actually dominant, very much deservedly pissed off coyote bumped into him at a rave. The dude didn't even have the balls to look at me. Ran away with his tail tucked between his legs.
I found a family where i feel like i belong. Where i feel wanted and accepted. And my presence is appreciated.
I have a gorgeous rescue dog.
I found druidism and spiritual stuff.
I quit drinking and changed into better, non-ritalin ADHD meds which have helped out a ton.
And being wicked and wild, untamed, living to the max feels so fucking fantastic i have no words for it.
I feel alive and good <3
