FA+
Shop
So shit got worse (but also better???)
3 months ago
Firstly, I want to thank everyone for being so kind. The donations and signal boosting has helped tremendously, and as a result, y'all basically demolished that car repair bill immediately. I really appreciate that so much. I don't want the good that folks have been doing to be overshadowed by the updates to the situation. You are all wonderful and I can never thank you enough.
My doctor reviewed my X-Rays with me today.
I have 3 pinched nerves in my neck.
My neck is so bad that it is practically bending the wrong way.
These pinched nerves are, of course, located in the exact location that would fuck up my arm the most. This is why I am feeling excruciating discomfort in my hand.
Repairing this injury is going to take a lot of time, a lot of time that I do not have. My job will be constantly setting me back, undoing the progress we make every day. Its going to be a horribly uphill and expensive battle.
HOWEVER
There may be a way to alleviate much of the pain and discomfort in my hand. My doctor thinks that by using laser therapy and shockwave therapy, we can lessen/remove the scar tissue in my elbow that is restricting my nerve's movement. Basically, its a way to make sure that the major nerve surgery I had in 2014 doesn't need to be repeated, and that MORE restricting scar tissue isn't created. There's a clear compression point in my elbow from this scar tissue, and combined with the pinched nerves, it's bringing back an all too familiar agony I thought I'd never have to feel ever again.
The problem is that insurance companies do not cover this treatment.
I need at least 2 $107 laser treatments, and 4 $239 shockwave treatments. This will cost a total of $1170.
If this works, my quality of life could be drastically improved. I'll still have to treat the pinched nerves, but my arm will never have this horrific sensation ever again. It would speed up recovery time, meaning I'd only have to spend like 2 months fixing this instead of at least like... 6. On top of that, it would help relieve the awful sensations I am currently feeling. I would feel better sooner, and while I'd still have issues that need fixing, I wouldn't be in such daily agony.
I have no choice. If I don't do this, I can't do my job. I can't draw. I can't do fuckin anything. So I'm going to go through with it.
Unfortunately that means an additional $1170 on top of the $2000 dental bill and the $40 per visit to fix my neck. Its like I've been suddenly shot in the face with medical bills, and I am fighting to survive.
Family is helping, doing what they can, and all of you have already donated so much. Not just for this, but over the many years of fuck all I've provided. I don't deserve a damn thing. I can't even finish the commissions I owe... I want to do so much for this community but I literally fucking can't because my hand doesn't WORK. The frustration from that is just... absolute agony. I'm tired of having to beg and take, without ever being able to give a damn thing back...
I don't know what to do. I don't know how I'm going to raise this money, but I have to do something. Its that or walk out into traffic.
I don't even want to think about what would happen if this procedure doesn't work. I just can't. It's not an impossibility, but if it DOES help me live a damn day without pain, I'm willing to try.
I'll let you know if I come up with some fundraising idea that I can do WITHOUT fucking destroying my hand, so stay tuned. For now, continuing to spread the word, and donating if you are able, helps tremendously.
I hate asking so much from all of you constantly. I hate myself for being this massive, constant burden. But I want you to know, that I can never, and could never, properly express just how much I am grateful for each and every one of you. This community is why I am alive. I would've been dead years ago if it weren't for all of you. I'm trying so hard to not give into despair, I'm trying so hard to keep fighting, because I want nothing more than to give you all everything I possible can. I finally have ideas and goals that I feel passionate about again, I just literally can't PHYSICALLY do them, because of my damn body. I want to make your lives better, like you have mine.
Love you all so much, thank you for sticking with me through the awful shit I constantly experience.
My doctor reviewed my X-Rays with me today.
I have 3 pinched nerves in my neck.
My neck is so bad that it is practically bending the wrong way.
These pinched nerves are, of course, located in the exact location that would fuck up my arm the most. This is why I am feeling excruciating discomfort in my hand.
Repairing this injury is going to take a lot of time, a lot of time that I do not have. My job will be constantly setting me back, undoing the progress we make every day. Its going to be a horribly uphill and expensive battle.
HOWEVER
There may be a way to alleviate much of the pain and discomfort in my hand. My doctor thinks that by using laser therapy and shockwave therapy, we can lessen/remove the scar tissue in my elbow that is restricting my nerve's movement. Basically, its a way to make sure that the major nerve surgery I had in 2014 doesn't need to be repeated, and that MORE restricting scar tissue isn't created. There's a clear compression point in my elbow from this scar tissue, and combined with the pinched nerves, it's bringing back an all too familiar agony I thought I'd never have to feel ever again.
The problem is that insurance companies do not cover this treatment.
I need at least 2 $107 laser treatments, and 4 $239 shockwave treatments. This will cost a total of $1170.
If this works, my quality of life could be drastically improved. I'll still have to treat the pinched nerves, but my arm will never have this horrific sensation ever again. It would speed up recovery time, meaning I'd only have to spend like 2 months fixing this instead of at least like... 6. On top of that, it would help relieve the awful sensations I am currently feeling. I would feel better sooner, and while I'd still have issues that need fixing, I wouldn't be in such daily agony.
I have no choice. If I don't do this, I can't do my job. I can't draw. I can't do fuckin anything. So I'm going to go through with it.
Unfortunately that means an additional $1170 on top of the $2000 dental bill and the $40 per visit to fix my neck. Its like I've been suddenly shot in the face with medical bills, and I am fighting to survive.
Family is helping, doing what they can, and all of you have already donated so much. Not just for this, but over the many years of fuck all I've provided. I don't deserve a damn thing. I can't even finish the commissions I owe... I want to do so much for this community but I literally fucking can't because my hand doesn't WORK. The frustration from that is just... absolute agony. I'm tired of having to beg and take, without ever being able to give a damn thing back...
I don't know what to do. I don't know how I'm going to raise this money, but I have to do something. Its that or walk out into traffic.
I don't even want to think about what would happen if this procedure doesn't work. I just can't. It's not an impossibility, but if it DOES help me live a damn day without pain, I'm willing to try.
I'll let you know if I come up with some fundraising idea that I can do WITHOUT fucking destroying my hand, so stay tuned. For now, continuing to spread the word, and donating if you are able, helps tremendously.
I hate asking so much from all of you constantly. I hate myself for being this massive, constant burden. But I want you to know, that I can never, and could never, properly express just how much I am grateful for each and every one of you. This community is why I am alive. I would've been dead years ago if it weren't for all of you. I'm trying so hard to not give into despair, I'm trying so hard to keep fighting, because I want nothing more than to give you all everything I possible can. I finally have ideas and goals that I feel passionate about again, I just literally can't PHYSICALLY do them, because of my damn body. I want to make your lives better, like you have mine.
Love you all so much, thank you for sticking with me through the awful shit I constantly experience.
You've done plenty for us all just by being yourself - We wouldn't be willing to support you if you weren't a likable person, after all. I've absolutely enjoyed our interactions, both on here and at AC; you're a genuinely kind soul, and you deserve to have this comfort and peace of mind.
You deserve to be shown all the love and kindness you show others, which is far above what one could expect from what I've seen of you.
Be safe, take care, and stay awesome. Wishing you all the best, hun.
T-thank you, I do appreciate that a lot <3
That said, I stand by what I said - You deserve to have a relief from your ailments, and if there's any way I can help make that happen for you, then I will (within reason, of course).
I know there's so much expectation for things to be transactional; that you 'owe' people things because of their generosity. It's a mindset I deal with myself whenever I have to ask for help, too. Honestly, reading your journals, I can tell you and I have similar mindsets about some things, and we both deal with similar demons to one another.
(Sidenote for anyone reading - I'm not aiming to get sympathy with that remark; more just pointing it out as a matter of fact, and showing empathy.)
I am truly glad you have a decent support system with your friends, and I've seen how much they all care for you. And I would like to offer you another line of support, if I can at all help you too. Even if it's just listening to you, or chatting about nothing to provide a distraction for you. Do not worry about being any kind of burden - I wouldn't offer if I didn't sincerely mean my words. I promise.
I'm on Discord and Telegram, if you'd like to add me, or I can chat in notes here (though I won't be very fast to respond here, lol).
All the same, I'm hoping for all the best, and that the procedures go smoothly when you're able to get them. I can't wait to see you smile when the pain and discomfort finally dissipate, and you can return to doing what makes you happy.
Sending all my love and all the hugs I can. <3
You don't owe me anything. We're all adults giving because we want to give. That's one of the coolest things about the furry community: We help each other out as much as we are able.
Good Luck