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My Relationship with Porn
2 months ago
Welcome to the station, crew; please enjoy your stay!
I really friggin' like drawing smut. I love drawing it, and it's one of the things I'm absolutely the best at when it comes to my visualisation skillset.
I'm still drawing it, in fact, I'm animating and drawing it more than ever before nowadays. I'm also not ashamed of my engagement with the craft and culture. I'll still draw it for others, even.
I just really, really dislike my public experience with the pornographic toon community, and the overall kind of attention it has brought into my life. And my trust with it has been obliterated by admiring people who truly never could give a single shit about me as a person.
I'd like to return to making porn, but I honestly have this terrible feeling of: I don't want to give what I make to the public, because of how hurt I've been by the kinds of people and attention it brought into my life in the past.
And that is my own responsibility to take care of. If I'm being a bitch about my feelings and need time away, that's just who I am and what I am right now.
I still draw porn and talk kinky ideas with folks, and share things with them, but the trust in the public has been eroded by own my foolish mistakes. By my own foolish heart giving itself to people who only sought to use me.
And now I've got to mend and deal with those tale ends.
When I asked if it's alright if I drew porn and shared it as a ritualistic method to shed my soul and prepare myself for suicide? That was me asking: "Is it okay to quietly kill my soul, by drawing for the sake of other people's pleasure when I enjoy it, but I don't believe I'm being respected?"
The answer is clearly no, it's not alright, and nobody should do that, or commit to such behavior.
Maybe one day I'll share my porn again. There are a handful of folks who I trust around these topics who are warming me back up, but it'll take time if I get around to it.
If you wanna see the porn I've been making, I dunno.
Sucks. Wait 'til my friends and commissioners post it?
Anyway, that's me.
Therapy didn't work out so well with the lady I saw, but it helped.
I'm still drawing it, in fact, I'm animating and drawing it more than ever before nowadays. I'm also not ashamed of my engagement with the craft and culture. I'll still draw it for others, even.
I just really, really dislike my public experience with the pornographic toon community, and the overall kind of attention it has brought into my life. And my trust with it has been obliterated by admiring people who truly never could give a single shit about me as a person.
I'd like to return to making porn, but I honestly have this terrible feeling of: I don't want to give what I make to the public, because of how hurt I've been by the kinds of people and attention it brought into my life in the past.
And that is my own responsibility to take care of. If I'm being a bitch about my feelings and need time away, that's just who I am and what I am right now.
I still draw porn and talk kinky ideas with folks, and share things with them, but the trust in the public has been eroded by own my foolish mistakes. By my own foolish heart giving itself to people who only sought to use me.
And now I've got to mend and deal with those tale ends.
When I asked if it's alright if I drew porn and shared it as a ritualistic method to shed my soul and prepare myself for suicide? That was me asking: "Is it okay to quietly kill my soul, by drawing for the sake of other people's pleasure when I enjoy it, but I don't believe I'm being respected?"
The answer is clearly no, it's not alright, and nobody should do that, or commit to such behavior.
Maybe one day I'll share my porn again. There are a handful of folks who I trust around these topics who are warming me back up, but it'll take time if I get around to it.
If you wanna see the porn I've been making, I dunno.
Sucks. Wait 'til my friends and commissioners post it?
Anyway, that's me.
Therapy didn't work out so well with the lady I saw, but it helped.
Glad therapy helped, sorry it didn't work out well, don't let it put you off.
I think I'm getting there. I feel like i am. I know I want to be there. Maybe someday.
Just take care of yourself please. Shame all wounds take time, just please remember that even if yours heals you still dont have any obligations to share with us.