TL;DR

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I'm not going to be posting publicly unless I can see that I'm making a significant amount of money from subscriber support.

I was making $500 a month because of some animations I made.
and now I am not making money from those animations.

I'm not posting publicly until I can afford rent, groceries, and order fast food three times a day without checking my bank app if I got enough or not.

https://subscribestar.adult/tanookicatoon


Since I started seriously doing digital art decades ago, I made it a major habit that I wanted to post the art as soon as I could,
and as soon as I got addicted to Twitter,
it became a thing that all my WIPs were basically posted instantly as I was doing them. Often they were even just PrtSc grabbed, not even rendered out.

When my Patreon was first starting out I did this.
I had started college because I was using the one single benefit from the Navy that would give me money at the time, and I was only getting 500$ a month in support.
I was hard to do full time school and art, so going full Patreon was the only way to gain support,
and for a while, it was really bringing in the groceries,

SO. I started posting publicly again.

Until 2022, right after I got suspended from Twitter, someone decided that wasn't enough and made a false report about child abuse at my Patreon, and it was immediately taken down, even thought Patreon staff actually fucking confirmed that there was no child abuse in the material, the staff purposefully took a full six months to run out the appeal time, and chose to do nothing about what happened.

I immediately started up Subscribestar that day.

Again.

I have been fucking begging and advertising since it was pulled out from under me, and I have been SUFFERING since.

It was supposed to be my way out of my parents out.

And I could NOT get out on my fucking OWN.

I was literally fucking stuck there until I fucking begged and old friend to come pick me up.
Like pure LUCK they had an empty room because I'm almost positive the first time I had asked before I moved out of the Navy, they had a roomie in there.

I'm just saying.
It's been two fucking years since it happened.

I didn't want to do this, but I've got to stop posting publicly again.
And I fucking hate making previews and thumbnails.

I'm tired of people gooning to my fucking art for free, while I'm still here fucking struggling to afford basic needs, pissed because I have to round UP at Dollar General now.

Do you have any fucking idea how it fucking feels to finally not have depression fucking me up because my family is not destroying my psyche every waking moment,
and now that I live with two fat guys who can just afford ingredients to just cook and eat
like
i am honestly realizing that
yeah
the amount i eat to survive is not healthy

If the doctor could finally see me, he could finally confirm that yeah, his reaction to how much he was saying I was probably lying about my diet
and that i wasn't fucking fat from snacking and overeating.

Because now that I am back to walking around outside to occasionally buy things, and just for general exercise...
Bitch I have not been able to seem my ribs since I was in bootcamp😭

Bruh I can only get so many comms done.
I keep trying to do them on the spot like I used to 20 years ago, but I fucking CANT
Every time I try I fucking struggle, and end up making rants like this.

I can make all the personal story art and animations like nothing.
I draw Patchy and all my own characters like nothing.
People have been begging for NSFW for ages,
and I started practicing again on my own fursona'self,

Of course, that's all been exclusive on Subscribestar.

BASICALLY, I haven't posted to Subscribestar for a whole year.

But again.

This was supposed to be with the notion that eventually, because I was posting publicly,
people would see me posting,
see me begging people to subscribe
and eventually I would get subscribers back

NO ONE HAS FUCKING SUBSCRIBED
I HAVE LIKE 5 PEOPLE THERE SOMEHOW EQUALLING UP TO 40$ a month FOR ONLY THOSE TWO YEARS.
IT TAKES FOUR MONTHS TO MAKE A PAYOUT.
Those were the ONLY people to migrate from Patreon.

IT USED TO BE SEVEN BUT THEY DROPPED OUT TOO

BOY I JUST LOVE PEOPLE THAT SAID THEY WERE FRIENDS LOSING FAITH IN ME

AND THE FACT THAT IT WAS MY PARENTS FAULT WILL ALWAYS

There's a lot of "It's not happening anymore"

The autist in me gets upset at obvious statements like that.

I hate it. I wish I could be motivated by it.

But again. It's like getting your arm cut off. It's not growing back.

They are not giving my patreon back.

I am not getting the money I could have gotten from 2022 to now

None of those subscribers are coming back

my parents will not pay me what they owe me

my parents will likely not give me the proper support I need to get medical assistance from the VA
BECAUSE THEY DIDN"T FUCKING DO IT WHEN I WAS THERE AND THEY STOPPED WHEN THEY REALIZED HOW MUCH THEY WERE FUCKING ME OVER

unless I start seeing those numbers going up again. You probably wont see me posting publicly again.

If I can't support myself doing this:


I am 100% sober and lucid saying this.
I have said it and said it before
I am not going back to anything that so much as reminds me of the Navy in any shape or form.
If I cannot succeed at this. I will die.

I have been 100% serious about that statement since I discharged.

I worked a little bit at What a Burger and honestly
When Gangle's episode on TADC was a thing,
I felt it too much. Because I don't know how many times I felt that ending might happen one night.

I quit to go to school in 2017. And had to quit in 2019, not just because I had to drop out
but fucking 2020 happened.
I lost the support from the Navy.
People tried to fuck me over IMMEDIATELY and started to try to make callouts to tell people to not give me comms.

my life has been nothing but abuse and sabotage.

and honestly
A lot of the times I feel like I can't draw
is just spent curled up in a corner.

There are days where I fucking wake up and I can't fucking move.
And that's just... originally it was normal.
Originally for basically my entirely fucking life, I have been telling my mother I am very tired.
When I was in the Navy, I began to feel the same thing... I'm just tired I can't get up.
For my entire life I told people there's not such thing as lucid dreaming, you're just thinking with your eyes closed.

Yeah. You are. That's normally how you wake up. With your eyes closed.
My entire life people have forced me awake in that state so much, now when I wake up,
I wake up fully lucid unable to move.

by the time I feel like I can actually move I'm just tired of being tired, and I just know how much I'm going to be in pain and hurt when I stand kneel or sit.

I fucking hurt when I do anything, I don't want to fucking take ibuprofen and tylonol for the rest of my fucking life,
At least give me the fucking disability to afford it, and I know they don't fucking want to do it.

I don't understand how so many people don't see how seriously I've been trying to take this.
I've literally had people make fun of it.

just. man.

this is just a rant.

TL;DR

---

I'm not going to be posting publicly unless I can see that I'm making a significant amount of money from subscriber support.

I was making $500 a month because of some animations I made.
and now I am not making money from those animations.

I'm not posting publicly until I can afford rent, groceries, and order fast food three times a day without checking my bank app if I got enough or not.

https://subscribestar.adult/tanookicatoon