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"It's Like Riding A Bike"
a month ago
I recently got a bike and started riding again after nearly 20 years. Of course the English idiom "It's like riding a bike- you never forget" came to mind.
While this saying isn't complete hogwash, it lacks nuance. The first week on my bike I could balance and get around, but I was wobbly to the point that a strong wind would knock me over. The second week was better, though it took some additional learning about the optimal settings. I'm about a month in and only now getting back to the level I was as a kid, but the experience is still different since I'm larger and carry more kinetic energy.
I'm experiencing this a little bit with art, too lol. It's been a couple months and I finally got the tiniest bit of work done yesterday. Getting even the basic sketch took some doing and it felt weird being out of practice even slightly lol
But it also feels like a good opportunity for growth. I wouldn't say I'm doing anything ground-breaking (it's just a small icon commission) but I'm noticing my art change to be a lot looser and cartoony over time. It feels backwards because less is more in this case.
Anyway, those are my "after my morning bike ride" himbo thoughts lol
My personal life is good- even the bare minimum on my worst depression days makes a positive and visible difference in my family's life.
My work life is returning. I'm getting a small art "win" or two for the dopamine hit and then tackling the Crayon Club backlog. Thank you all so much for your patience on that! <3 It's been incredibly frustrating because it's literally just an afternoon's work but MY BRAIN WILL NOT COOPERATE lol
Thanks for reading. Talk soon!
While this saying isn't complete hogwash, it lacks nuance. The first week on my bike I could balance and get around, but I was wobbly to the point that a strong wind would knock me over. The second week was better, though it took some additional learning about the optimal settings. I'm about a month in and only now getting back to the level I was as a kid, but the experience is still different since I'm larger and carry more kinetic energy.
I'm experiencing this a little bit with art, too lol. It's been a couple months and I finally got the tiniest bit of work done yesterday. Getting even the basic sketch took some doing and it felt weird being out of practice even slightly lol
But it also feels like a good opportunity for growth. I wouldn't say I'm doing anything ground-breaking (it's just a small icon commission) but I'm noticing my art change to be a lot looser and cartoony over time. It feels backwards because less is more in this case.
Anyway, those are my "after my morning bike ride" himbo thoughts lol
My personal life is good- even the bare minimum on my worst depression days makes a positive and visible difference in my family's life.
My work life is returning. I'm getting a small art "win" or two for the dopamine hit and then tackling the Crayon Club backlog. Thank you all so much for your patience on that! <3 It's been incredibly frustrating because it's literally just an afternoon's work but MY BRAIN WILL NOT COOPERATE lol
Thanks for reading. Talk soon!
It's weird because, in a way, the spark is there. All day I'm like "I need to do the thing.....I need to do the thing....I need to do the thing..." and then I don't lol
This goes for both work/art related things and hobbies I find enjoyable. Playing video games should be the easiest thing in the world, but I can't seem to do that either lmao
So at least I'm consistent :P
Though I feel like I explicitly don't do it because I procastinate out of laziness/fear of failure
I'm trying to rethink the concept of "laziness" both for myself and others. Sure, there are times when I deliberately put something off because I don't want to do it, but a lot of times if I could do these things, I just would! It'd be a hell of a lot easier than worrying about something day in, day out. I like to extend that same grace to others, too. :)
I read a post a while back that said something along the lines of "If you were lazy, you would be having fun." I try to keep that in mind when I'm struggling to start a task.
And I think you hit the nail on the head with the "fear of failure." I'm not so much avoiding a task as I am avoiding whatever negative feeling comes along with the task. (Unfortunately my negative feeling is usually guilt so it only compounds over time lol)
Anywho, all this to say that the struggle is real and you're not lazy! There's clearly something else going on and it's not a personal failing. <3
Thanks for the kind words!
(The way home from the kid's school is almost entirely downhill so I get to go "WHEE~" lmao. Still not brave enough to let go of the handlebars, though. :P )
The exercise has been a bit like showering in terms of mindfulness, if that makes any kind of sense. Though I reckon the new medication is helping quite a bit in that department, too. :)
Heh, in seriousness, I'm glad to read that you're doing well and starting to get your mojo back! Sometimes you've gotta build back up to doing the bigger stuff, and I hope that you can build up the momentum to get back to doing the things you enjoy! And you're also making me want to get a bike again, would be a good excuse to get some fresh air and exercise without just walking everywhere... The zooms make the difference!