FA+
Shop
I’m so tired…
a month ago
Some of what I’m going to say may resonate with some, to others it may offend some of you. Really need to get this off my chest as I feel like there’s some severe issues in online friendships and recent reoccurring events have put me on edge.
There’s a biiiiiig problem with folks not wanting to take accountability for actions + lack thereof. For me, this mostly ties into maintaining friendships…ghosting, flakiness, being wishy-washy, and not engaging in conversations. Same can be applied to relationships on a case by case basis. This isn’t me personally calling out anyone, and if you’re a good close friend to me we’re chill as well.
To put things bluntly, I despise small talk and being ignored. My biggest friendship icks are emotional immaturity, poor conflict resolution skills, emotional avoidance, and pettiness. Plain and simple. I’ve grown sooooo complacent of folks who say they wanna do stuff with me then never follow through with said activities. Examples being mostly playing games, watching a show/movie/anime, and even hanging out in person. I’ve been led on so much by bad actors that nowadays I don’t even bother anymore. In the past I used to be the first one to ask or offer to others, however in the long run it’s led to some disappointing outcomes. However I myself have been guilty of doing some of these actions too. I admit there’s been times where I was in a bad mental state for weeks and months on end. I was too self absorbed and centered on myself that I’ve hurt others around me. Once I was able to put myself in a better place mentally, and keep myself in check I felt more aligned with the furs around me and my goals I wanted to achieve. However it’s gotten to the point again where I’m feeling the bad side effects of giving too much for too little in return…I don’t want to return to that cycle.
“But everyone’s busy! I can’t be on the phone/computer all the time!” Don’t try this bullshit excuse on me. I’ve heard it plenty of times. I, myself am a busy adult. I’m right there with you. I’m a contributing factor to society on the daily just like you are. These individuals I’m referencing consciously made decisions in not wanting to hangout or respond to me in any shape or form. I’ve had a craaaazy busier year than normal and with what’s been happening around us, it can be overwhelming I agree. My point is, I require a certain amount of trust and honesty in my friendships. All I ask is for effort and some level of consistency. Usually if life gets too hectic for me while I’m having a catchup with someone, I’ll eventually get back to them. It may not be within the same day, and other times may be several days or weeks but I’ll get around to you once I know I got the freetime. I try my best to make others a priority without forgetting. I wanna showup for you because I care about the other person on the other side of the screen…I really wish others could do the same.
Some of you already know but TLDR; I had a life-threatening event involving me being rushed to the ER and put into the ICU. I was so afraid that any day was going to be my last. Thankfully I recovered within a month-ish afterwards. During this period I had a lot of negative headthoughts, especially surrounding furs who rarely spoke to me. I felt like if I really were to pass away, would any of these individuals who ghosted me even care? A little sarcasm with that last sentence I know haha…I did reach out to mostly everyone I knew once I was discharged and felt better, but even then upon being left on read and the lack of engagement from others I decided it was for the best to move on from these individuals. Is it petty that I’ve removed others quietly? Sure, but I’ve seen others do the same to me. Friendship is a two way street. If you can’t give me your 50%, then why should I?
With the way the world is going on right now, anything could happen at a moment’s notice. I feel like we need to be better with taking care of one another, and making better efforts with checking in on others. If at best, making your close loved ones a priority. Ofc as mentioned above, we’re all busy human beings. The only other way I can put this is, we don’t have parents in our lives to be the ones to make “playdates” or “sleepover” plans with friends. WE have to be the ones to come up with that stuff. Us hanging out isn’t going to magically happen without any effort. Work, hobbies, and so forth can drain us physically, emotionally and mentally too…but amidst all of that- try to showup for your friends. May never know when we’ll all be gone, and miss your chance to create some great memories together. I don’t know if any of this made any sense, but I hope it reached the right people.
There’s a biiiiiig problem with folks not wanting to take accountability for actions + lack thereof. For me, this mostly ties into maintaining friendships…ghosting, flakiness, being wishy-washy, and not engaging in conversations. Same can be applied to relationships on a case by case basis. This isn’t me personally calling out anyone, and if you’re a good close friend to me we’re chill as well.
To put things bluntly, I despise small talk and being ignored. My biggest friendship icks are emotional immaturity, poor conflict resolution skills, emotional avoidance, and pettiness. Plain and simple. I’ve grown sooooo complacent of folks who say they wanna do stuff with me then never follow through with said activities. Examples being mostly playing games, watching a show/movie/anime, and even hanging out in person. I’ve been led on so much by bad actors that nowadays I don’t even bother anymore. In the past I used to be the first one to ask or offer to others, however in the long run it’s led to some disappointing outcomes. However I myself have been guilty of doing some of these actions too. I admit there’s been times where I was in a bad mental state for weeks and months on end. I was too self absorbed and centered on myself that I’ve hurt others around me. Once I was able to put myself in a better place mentally, and keep myself in check I felt more aligned with the furs around me and my goals I wanted to achieve. However it’s gotten to the point again where I’m feeling the bad side effects of giving too much for too little in return…I don’t want to return to that cycle.
“But everyone’s busy! I can’t be on the phone/computer all the time!” Don’t try this bullshit excuse on me. I’ve heard it plenty of times. I, myself am a busy adult. I’m right there with you. I’m a contributing factor to society on the daily just like you are. These individuals I’m referencing consciously made decisions in not wanting to hangout or respond to me in any shape or form. I’ve had a craaaazy busier year than normal and with what’s been happening around us, it can be overwhelming I agree. My point is, I require a certain amount of trust and honesty in my friendships. All I ask is for effort and some level of consistency. Usually if life gets too hectic for me while I’m having a catchup with someone, I’ll eventually get back to them. It may not be within the same day, and other times may be several days or weeks but I’ll get around to you once I know I got the freetime. I try my best to make others a priority without forgetting. I wanna showup for you because I care about the other person on the other side of the screen…I really wish others could do the same.
Some of you already know but TLDR; I had a life-threatening event involving me being rushed to the ER and put into the ICU. I was so afraid that any day was going to be my last. Thankfully I recovered within a month-ish afterwards. During this period I had a lot of negative headthoughts, especially surrounding furs who rarely spoke to me. I felt like if I really were to pass away, would any of these individuals who ghosted me even care? A little sarcasm with that last sentence I know haha…I did reach out to mostly everyone I knew once I was discharged and felt better, but even then upon being left on read and the lack of engagement from others I decided it was for the best to move on from these individuals. Is it petty that I’ve removed others quietly? Sure, but I’ve seen others do the same to me. Friendship is a two way street. If you can’t give me your 50%, then why should I?
With the way the world is going on right now, anything could happen at a moment’s notice. I feel like we need to be better with taking care of one another, and making better efforts with checking in on others. If at best, making your close loved ones a priority. Ofc as mentioned above, we’re all busy human beings. The only other way I can put this is, we don’t have parents in our lives to be the ones to make “playdates” or “sleepover” plans with friends. WE have to be the ones to come up with that stuff. Us hanging out isn’t going to magically happen without any effort. Work, hobbies, and so forth can drain us physically, emotionally and mentally too…but amidst all of that- try to showup for your friends. May never know when we’ll all be gone, and miss your chance to create some great memories together. I don’t know if any of this made any sense, but I hope it reached the right people.
I hope venting has helped you feel better
All the best to you.