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VR isn't as fun as I thought.
a week ago
Let me explain. First off, wow.. first journal in weeks. The "last" (serious) one I made was about how I wanted to move on from the pain I was going through (still going through) and trying to be more positive about things from now on. This VR stuff has no effect or relation to my irl problem so I'm here to reassure you. As much as I can, anyway, as this living condition and situation is still trash. You want to know how long this has been going on for? 14 months now. Quickly approaching 15. Grandpa fell down days ago trying to "walk" in the Kitchen for something. He's lucky he's not making this worse for us I swear to hell and back... look I'm still trying my best to be happy for everyone, not remain in misery or a hole about it like I was, but.. it is still very hard to ignore how bs this is for me.
Now as for the main point of the journal, and why I'm making this. If you aren't aware by now in the first week of August my Grandpa bought me a new PC. A Victus worth $700 on BestBuy, which was literally the cheapest option they had.. the reason why he did was because I wanted to get into VRChat.
Prior to him buying the PC, and why he did it to begin with, was because I was bored one day near the end of July. This boredom resulted in me downloading VRC on my phone which happens to be free and try it. For the first week.. it sucked. Not to say the mobile port is bad.. well ok it's bad. Certain avatars of friends wouldn't load for me, they would look very polygonal, my battery drains and heats up insanely quick, I have to hold a button to talk, which nearly mutes the other people nearby, AND I not only crashed one day trying to meet with a streamer, but the crash was so bad it logged me out of my account... so safe to say that the mobile port IS NOT worth it. Literally wait until you have the means of buying a PC of your own or like my Grandpa having it gifted.
Anyway onto the main point. In the 2-3 months I have been playing it on my new Victus PC, learning more things, I have come to terms with 1 specific scenario I'm seeing for myself; I'm not having as much fun with it as I thought.
When I started getting into VRC now I was so eager and excited for myself! To meet streamers, play with friends finally, see these worlds I always saw on YT, the avatars I can finally be, etc. As time went on however, that eagerness started diminishing for me. Now, when I get on, whether it's for myself or others, and regardless of who it is, all I do is just end up sitting in my chair for hours staring st my screen. I might as well just have these conversations on Discord for all I know. If I want to get in with a friend that I am not aware is in with a group of people I don't know I go "oh... I just wanted to see you but ok." And am reluctant to send an invite. If I see a certain friend in a world I don't know I go "I.. don't know if I want to join. I want to learn this game in my own time, but.. OH NO I can't because I'll be alone" and am reluctant to send an invite.
I have tried once in September wanting to meet with a Twitch Streamer named RitualNeo, who I follow and who is also on here, on FA. The one meeting I was in.. sucked. I think I made a journal on this already. If not, let me explain. I joined with the intention to talk to him and gush over his color palette, say what my favorite avatar was he uses, etc. A general chat. What resulted was overstumulation of a crowd of people, too many people, talking to one another or Neo, Neo's attention being elsewhere, playing games that just randomly throw me in that I do not know how to play, by the time I find an opportunity to talk I die and respawn (yes this has happened), which otherwise disregards my attempt to begin with, world hopping too much. All of this resulted in me just sitting in a corner, staring at my screen, staring at the group from a distance. The whole time. He did a photoshoot with us, but I didn't want to be there so badly, I just wanted to back into a room and not even be part of the photo. Even 2 people of my own friend Sephoix were there at the time. People who, at the time, I didn't know, but Sephoix told me them ahead of time. I didn't even work up the courage enough to see even them and just went "oh Sephoix' friends... cool" thinking I would just bother them if I approached. Ever since then I have left Neo's server and VR group, because based on my first meet-up experience I don't want to go through this again. To ensure I don't feel the urge to, I left both.
Now in terms of my friends. I still have always had the mindset of "I want them to reach out to me so that way I know they want to see me one day. I like knowing I mean well to them enough they want me to be there." This has not happened once. Now I get it would even be tedious to have to message me so often for this, especially when you guys have other people to do it with, but I'm just speaking my mind here. So.. I just end up waiting in suspense for days and if I feel no one will get online or wants to say so, I just give up. People I have yet to meet once and don't message me to plan a day that's right for us both, some of them already be in groups at the moment and/or deny me coming in for different reasons, having game worlds I want to play and see, but not beinf in any groups myself or havinf enough friends for them, etc. This has resulted in me feeling as if the VRC experience is not as engaging as I thought it would be. I know.. I shouldn't be feeling this way and it's my fault I am. I'm probably taking this personally, but it isn't against anyone. It's just a trend I've been seeing for myself and am just speaking what I think to and about myself in text, publicly.
Now I will still play VR, I want to, it's the whole reason I have my PC now, but.. not as much as I want, honestly. Apologies to bring down the mood over things, but I would feel worse if I kept it to myself. And I haven't said this to any single friend about it, because I would just end up making them feel bad, which will make me feel bad I made this to begin with and- ugh it's a whole can of worms. But, no, this has no effect on my irl living condition still. I'm still trying to do my best elsewhere. If I have anything else to add I will when I think of it.
Edit: yes, I did make a journal detailing the events and my experience of the meet-up that day. Apologize for repetition. I don't check my prior journal topics. I just say what I want and how I feel in that moment as something new.
Now as for the main point of the journal, and why I'm making this. If you aren't aware by now in the first week of August my Grandpa bought me a new PC. A Victus worth $700 on BestBuy, which was literally the cheapest option they had.. the reason why he did was because I wanted to get into VRChat.
Prior to him buying the PC, and why he did it to begin with, was because I was bored one day near the end of July. This boredom resulted in me downloading VRC on my phone which happens to be free and try it. For the first week.. it sucked. Not to say the mobile port is bad.. well ok it's bad. Certain avatars of friends wouldn't load for me, they would look very polygonal, my battery drains and heats up insanely quick, I have to hold a button to talk, which nearly mutes the other people nearby, AND I not only crashed one day trying to meet with a streamer, but the crash was so bad it logged me out of my account... so safe to say that the mobile port IS NOT worth it. Literally wait until you have the means of buying a PC of your own or like my Grandpa having it gifted.
Anyway onto the main point. In the 2-3 months I have been playing it on my new Victus PC, learning more things, I have come to terms with 1 specific scenario I'm seeing for myself; I'm not having as much fun with it as I thought.
When I started getting into VRC now I was so eager and excited for myself! To meet streamers, play with friends finally, see these worlds I always saw on YT, the avatars I can finally be, etc. As time went on however, that eagerness started diminishing for me. Now, when I get on, whether it's for myself or others, and regardless of who it is, all I do is just end up sitting in my chair for hours staring st my screen. I might as well just have these conversations on Discord for all I know. If I want to get in with a friend that I am not aware is in with a group of people I don't know I go "oh... I just wanted to see you but ok." And am reluctant to send an invite. If I see a certain friend in a world I don't know I go "I.. don't know if I want to join. I want to learn this game in my own time, but.. OH NO I can't because I'll be alone" and am reluctant to send an invite.
I have tried once in September wanting to meet with a Twitch Streamer named RitualNeo, who I follow and who is also on here, on FA. The one meeting I was in.. sucked. I think I made a journal on this already. If not, let me explain. I joined with the intention to talk to him and gush over his color palette, say what my favorite avatar was he uses, etc. A general chat. What resulted was overstumulation of a crowd of people, too many people, talking to one another or Neo, Neo's attention being elsewhere, playing games that just randomly throw me in that I do not know how to play, by the time I find an opportunity to talk I die and respawn (yes this has happened), which otherwise disregards my attempt to begin with, world hopping too much. All of this resulted in me just sitting in a corner, staring at my screen, staring at the group from a distance. The whole time. He did a photoshoot with us, but I didn't want to be there so badly, I just wanted to back into a room and not even be part of the photo. Even 2 people of my own friend Sephoix were there at the time. People who, at the time, I didn't know, but Sephoix told me them ahead of time. I didn't even work up the courage enough to see even them and just went "oh Sephoix' friends... cool" thinking I would just bother them if I approached. Ever since then I have left Neo's server and VR group, because based on my first meet-up experience I don't want to go through this again. To ensure I don't feel the urge to, I left both.
Now in terms of my friends. I still have always had the mindset of "I want them to reach out to me so that way I know they want to see me one day. I like knowing I mean well to them enough they want me to be there." This has not happened once. Now I get it would even be tedious to have to message me so often for this, especially when you guys have other people to do it with, but I'm just speaking my mind here. So.. I just end up waiting in suspense for days and if I feel no one will get online or wants to say so, I just give up. People I have yet to meet once and don't message me to plan a day that's right for us both, some of them already be in groups at the moment and/or deny me coming in for different reasons, having game worlds I want to play and see, but not beinf in any groups myself or havinf enough friends for them, etc. This has resulted in me feeling as if the VRC experience is not as engaging as I thought it would be. I know.. I shouldn't be feeling this way and it's my fault I am. I'm probably taking this personally, but it isn't against anyone. It's just a trend I've been seeing for myself and am just speaking what I think to and about myself in text, publicly.
Now I will still play VR, I want to, it's the whole reason I have my PC now, but.. not as much as I want, honestly. Apologies to bring down the mood over things, but I would feel worse if I kept it to myself. And I haven't said this to any single friend about it, because I would just end up making them feel bad, which will make me feel bad I made this to begin with and- ugh it's a whole can of worms. But, no, this has no effect on my irl living condition still. I'm still trying to do my best elsewhere. If I have anything else to add I will when I think of it.
Edit: yes, I did make a journal detailing the events and my experience of the meet-up that day. Apologize for repetition. I don't check my prior journal topics. I just say what I want and how I feel in that moment as something new.
