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On Fursonas and Sexuality
4 weeks ago
Hey everyone, it's been a hot minute. I do have two primary topics to discuss in this journal, but figured I'd start with a little life update.
Which is more of a "not much to update" statement. I finished and graduated from my master's degree in game design. However, still have not managed to land myself a job in the industry, or even picked up any independant work. Can't even get myself a local retail job, so I am very lucky to have family to rely on.
So, if you're wondering why it's been a long time since any art has been uploaded here... a lack of money is the primary reason.
However, on to the main topics of discussion: fursonas and sexuality. And we shall actually start with the latter topic, since I actually think it's the easier one.
Over the past few years, I've been doing a lot of introspecting on myself. For the past 15 years, I have known that I was gay. And, for the most part that is still the case. I am only attracted to guys, nothing has changed in that regard. It's just that I've realized that there is a little asterisk attached to that attraction. Over the years, and especially recently, I've noticed that I've only developed romantic or even general attraction towards people I was already friends with. There was one exception to this, but otherwise this has held true. While I can definitely look at somebody and say "yeah, they are attractive", it's almost always with an objective viewpoint, not discussing my personal attraction levels to them. But the more I know somebody, the more I find it easier to develop my own attraction to them.
By generally accepted terms, this would likely set me within the "demisexual/demiromatic" designation within the LGBTQIA+ community. And I'd say it's pretty accurate. While I still generally refer to myself as gay out of convenience, demisexual/demiromantic is probably more accurate.
Heck, in my head, I have three running lists among my friends. These are:
1) Would date in a heartbeat. There are 3 people on this list. Two of them know who they are and while they don't share the feelings we are still good friends. One does not know, but only because I know that I'm not their type, so why admit my feelings and potentially strain the relationship? I'm more than happy just having them as a friend in my life.
2) Would heavily consider dating if they were interested. There are... 5 or 6 people on this list? These are friends that I feel I am close enough that I'd be perfectly fine going out on a date with if they were interested in doing so. Haven't mentioned it to any of them because, well, see above about not wanting to strain friendships, but yeah.
3) The rest of my friends. These are basically, everyone else. Either I'm close friends with them and I just never developed an attraction to them, or they are just within my circle of friends and I haven't developed a close enough friendship/haven't known them long enough to see if I might have feelings.
Of course, these lists are just for attraction, and doesn't distinguish how close they are as friends. I have some people who are among my closest friends, but would be in the third list just cause I don't have an attraction to them.
Admittedly, this realization has made dating even more difficult than it already was. Now, on top of the whole "being gay" thing, as well as the "furry" thing, and living in small town Ontario, I now have to figure out how to tell people "Look, I think I might eventually become attracted to you, but I don't know, and we need to become friends first." It's rough.
But that's life, and you just deal with it. XD
The second topic is a bit more... difficult to discuss.
As you can figure out from my gallery, I enjoy playing around with TF/Transformation, and in the past I even had several sketchpages detailing attempts at various species.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23902187/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/27698918/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36909818/
Some of these have even stuck around as permanent fixtures. If you follow me on any of my social media, discord, or telegram, you'd know that when winter rolls around, I bring Kingsbou the Caribou out for the season, and he usually sticks around until Easter when Kingsbun the Arctic Hare comes out for a bit until Kingsley the Red Wolf takes back over again. But ever since I joined the fandom, Kingsley, my red wolf self, has always been my core identity. No matter how much I shift species around and try out other things, Kingsley has been the core of my identity, the central axis around which I exist.
Which is why it's confused me for the past bit that there's been a desire growing in the back of my head on if that should change.
https://bsky.app/profile/kingsleywo...../3m433oh76mk2b
I talked a little bit about this on Bluesky, but for the past little bit, there's been a growing desire in the back of my head telling me that Kingsbun should be the primary Sona, not Kingsley. And I don't know how to feel about it.
When I created my fursona, wolves were my favourite animal, with red wolves being my favourite wolf. And while I still love wolves, pangolins have overtaken them as my favourite animal. And while that itself wouldn't effect my sona (after all, I'm not even remotely considering making my primary sona be a pangolin), it made me realize that perhaps Kingsley isn't as central and core as he once was.
Indeed, when it comes to core, it's more of a "Big 3" for me, at least since Kingsbou was created in 2015. It didn't take long for him to become a secondary sona for me, and when Kingsbun was created in 2017 from that first species testing page, he quickly joined in as a third. Despite all the other species testing I did in the following years, no others managed to penetrate like Bou and Bun. And since Bun, the three sonas have always coexisted, with Wolf taking a primary role, Caribou second, and Bun third.
Which is why I find the desire to promote the bun to primary weird. I figured if any of my sonas would ever replace Kingsley as the main representation, it would be Kingsbou. He's been around the second longest, and has always been used the second most often. But no. Ove the past year especially, I'vce had more desires to bring Kingsbun out to play. And I still don't quite understand why. I'm trying to think what about Kingsbun is causing these feelings, what do I get out of him that I don't get out of Kingsley?
Nothing has changed quite yet, I'm still a wolf, for now at least. Whether that changes, I don't know, we'll have to wait and see. Even if Kingsbun does become the primary sona for me, Kingsley will still be around. I don't see him dipping out of my Big 3 any time soon. But... I need to think on this and see if I can figure out where these thoughts and feelings are coming from.
If you have any thoughts/question/concerns about the fursona stuff, I fully welcome hearing it. I have some friends who are all for me changing the sona to bun. They have always vibed more with me in bun or bou than with the wolf form, thinking it doesn't fit me as well. Likewise, I have some friends who find it hard to see me as anything other than the wolf. But I'm always curious to hear other people's opinions.
And likewise, if you're among my friend group and are curious as to which of the 3 lists you belong to from the sexuality section, all you have to do is ask.
Until next time, take care everyone, and thank you for listening to me ramble for a while.
Which is more of a "not much to update" statement. I finished and graduated from my master's degree in game design. However, still have not managed to land myself a job in the industry, or even picked up any independant work. Can't even get myself a local retail job, so I am very lucky to have family to rely on.
So, if you're wondering why it's been a long time since any art has been uploaded here... a lack of money is the primary reason.
However, on to the main topics of discussion: fursonas and sexuality. And we shall actually start with the latter topic, since I actually think it's the easier one.
Over the past few years, I've been doing a lot of introspecting on myself. For the past 15 years, I have known that I was gay. And, for the most part that is still the case. I am only attracted to guys, nothing has changed in that regard. It's just that I've realized that there is a little asterisk attached to that attraction. Over the years, and especially recently, I've noticed that I've only developed romantic or even general attraction towards people I was already friends with. There was one exception to this, but otherwise this has held true. While I can definitely look at somebody and say "yeah, they are attractive", it's almost always with an objective viewpoint, not discussing my personal attraction levels to them. But the more I know somebody, the more I find it easier to develop my own attraction to them.
By generally accepted terms, this would likely set me within the "demisexual/demiromatic" designation within the LGBTQIA+ community. And I'd say it's pretty accurate. While I still generally refer to myself as gay out of convenience, demisexual/demiromantic is probably more accurate.
Heck, in my head, I have three running lists among my friends. These are:
1) Would date in a heartbeat. There are 3 people on this list. Two of them know who they are and while they don't share the feelings we are still good friends. One does not know, but only because I know that I'm not their type, so why admit my feelings and potentially strain the relationship? I'm more than happy just having them as a friend in my life.
2) Would heavily consider dating if they were interested. There are... 5 or 6 people on this list? These are friends that I feel I am close enough that I'd be perfectly fine going out on a date with if they were interested in doing so. Haven't mentioned it to any of them because, well, see above about not wanting to strain friendships, but yeah.
3) The rest of my friends. These are basically, everyone else. Either I'm close friends with them and I just never developed an attraction to them, or they are just within my circle of friends and I haven't developed a close enough friendship/haven't known them long enough to see if I might have feelings.
Of course, these lists are just for attraction, and doesn't distinguish how close they are as friends. I have some people who are among my closest friends, but would be in the third list just cause I don't have an attraction to them.
Admittedly, this realization has made dating even more difficult than it already was. Now, on top of the whole "being gay" thing, as well as the "furry" thing, and living in small town Ontario, I now have to figure out how to tell people "Look, I think I might eventually become attracted to you, but I don't know, and we need to become friends first." It's rough.
But that's life, and you just deal with it. XD
The second topic is a bit more... difficult to discuss.
As you can figure out from my gallery, I enjoy playing around with TF/Transformation, and in the past I even had several sketchpages detailing attempts at various species.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23902187/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/27698918/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36909818/
Some of these have even stuck around as permanent fixtures. If you follow me on any of my social media, discord, or telegram, you'd know that when winter rolls around, I bring Kingsbou the Caribou out for the season, and he usually sticks around until Easter when Kingsbun the Arctic Hare comes out for a bit until Kingsley the Red Wolf takes back over again. But ever since I joined the fandom, Kingsley, my red wolf self, has always been my core identity. No matter how much I shift species around and try out other things, Kingsley has been the core of my identity, the central axis around which I exist.
Which is why it's confused me for the past bit that there's been a desire growing in the back of my head on if that should change.
https://bsky.app/profile/kingsleywo...../3m433oh76mk2b
I talked a little bit about this on Bluesky, but for the past little bit, there's been a growing desire in the back of my head telling me that Kingsbun should be the primary Sona, not Kingsley. And I don't know how to feel about it.
When I created my fursona, wolves were my favourite animal, with red wolves being my favourite wolf. And while I still love wolves, pangolins have overtaken them as my favourite animal. And while that itself wouldn't effect my sona (after all, I'm not even remotely considering making my primary sona be a pangolin), it made me realize that perhaps Kingsley isn't as central and core as he once was.
Indeed, when it comes to core, it's more of a "Big 3" for me, at least since Kingsbou was created in 2015. It didn't take long for him to become a secondary sona for me, and when Kingsbun was created in 2017 from that first species testing page, he quickly joined in as a third. Despite all the other species testing I did in the following years, no others managed to penetrate like Bou and Bun. And since Bun, the three sonas have always coexisted, with Wolf taking a primary role, Caribou second, and Bun third.
Which is why I find the desire to promote the bun to primary weird. I figured if any of my sonas would ever replace Kingsley as the main representation, it would be Kingsbou. He's been around the second longest, and has always been used the second most often. But no. Ove the past year especially, I'vce had more desires to bring Kingsbun out to play. And I still don't quite understand why. I'm trying to think what about Kingsbun is causing these feelings, what do I get out of him that I don't get out of Kingsley?
Nothing has changed quite yet, I'm still a wolf, for now at least. Whether that changes, I don't know, we'll have to wait and see. Even if Kingsbun does become the primary sona for me, Kingsley will still be around. I don't see him dipping out of my Big 3 any time soon. But... I need to think on this and see if I can figure out where these thoughts and feelings are coming from.
If you have any thoughts/question/concerns about the fursona stuff, I fully welcome hearing it. I have some friends who are all for me changing the sona to bun. They have always vibed more with me in bun or bou than with the wolf form, thinking it doesn't fit me as well. Likewise, I have some friends who find it hard to see me as anything other than the wolf. But I'm always curious to hear other people's opinions.
And likewise, if you're among my friend group and are curious as to which of the 3 lists you belong to from the sexuality section, all you have to do is ask.
Until next time, take care everyone, and thank you for listening to me ramble for a while.
