One year of being an active member of the furry community, and I basically speedrunned the entire furry experience. Had commissions done. Got into drawing. Made friends. Cuddled friends. Attended cons. Was targeted by hate groups.
So, you may already have read about what happened in Ankaran (Slovenia) on the night between 15th and 16th November, maybe you were even there with me. For all others: I was attending Goldenhorn, one of the Slovenian cons, when a group of at least twenty young people, all masked and wearing black, stormed the venue and assaulted two room parties. This wasn’t just some mischief made by some drunk guys: already the previous night the con’s staff had alerted us all of dangerous guys around, harassing people and stealing stuff. It was a planned attack, against us furries.
Now, I was not in any of the assaulted rooms when it happened – I was inside my own (and   gyigr ‘s), procrastinating on my phone before going to sleep. If you want a more direct testimony, here is someone who was in one of the rooms they tried to breach in. I won’t speak on behalf of the attacked people, it would be dishonest, so I’ll just say my own point of view.
First news of the intruders were announced on Telegram around midnight by the staff, they announced they had taken control of the situation. Eventually though, a third message came from them, saying things got much more serious and telling everyone to retreat in their rooms. I checked the general message channel, and read the reports of party rooms being attacked, tear gas launched, people punched, and ambulances being called. Luckily my room was very far away, and I had time to take out the doorsign I had attached to the door. And thank goodness, because a little after, the automatic lights outside turned on, and I heard a male voice shouting something in Slovenian. I can’t say what, since I don’t speak that language. No attempt at kicking our door. Probably he had seen the doorsign our neighbors had left. Nothing else happened for the rest of the night. However, I had to wake Gyigr up from his sleep to inform him, and managed to sleep only around two hours. Had to drive for seven the day after, to get back home. I’ll let you imagine what physical state I was in, once returned.
So this was my point of view, in short. Now, first of all, I want to clarify something, especially for those who may think cons are not safe from these terrorists. Guess it must be what it feels like when your house get robbed: all of a sudden it no longer feels the safe place where to be yourself. But I can tell you that all us participants agree on one thing: the venue’s security was abysmal. It was not a classic hotel palace, but a family resort with rooms all scattered around. The entrance was easy to pass through, just a pedestrian access with no cameras, the seashore the resort is in was basically public access, many roads had no light and even if there were some fences, they had huge holes on them. My goddamn apartment is more well protected. Luckily, most conventions are held at more conventional hotels with few, guarded entrances and rooms that take an elevator to access, an elevator that will move only if you have your card.
What I really wanted to talk about is my feelings, though.
Honestly, it’s a lot to process. I’ll certainly keep thinking about it for days to come, also because I do know some of the victims in the attacked rooms, having hanged out with them here in Milan. I was left harmless only because I didn’t feel like attending any room parties. If I had remained around the active places a bit more, they may have found me. And inside their mind, there wouldn’t have been a complex individual with his own personality, life history, achievements. There would have been only a furry, therefore a degenerate, therefore a target. An enemy NPC to take out so they’d increase their score. No matter what and how much I could have said. When I got back home, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought of my life history before I got into dragons, of those things I am passionate about but don’t really fit my identity as Random/Modnar, my family, my hometown. In that moment, I needed to feel that I am so many things at once.
Including being a furry. That one detail that for them was everything I am.
If there was a moment I fully realized to belong to a category of disliked people, it was this one. Even if I already had the interior knowledge. Before fully turning to be one, I could still feel like talking about my interest in dragons and my writings to normal people – now, I no longer do it. At best, I remain vague, if I really have to say something, like for example explaining my parents where I’m going. I know they will never understand it. It was already difficult for them to accept my homosexuality (they do now), I was already criticized heavily for being attracted to older people, now imagine the conversation I’d have if I had to explain that yes, I fap to anthropomorphized animals and I get horny at the idea of being eaten alive. Since I’ve been part of the community I’ve been much more open to myself, but also shielded myself away from most people much more. And now I’ve also been part of a group that has been targeted by violent people in a planned attack. They call us cringe, perverts, dogfuckers. They think we’re only about sex and nothing else – I have proof of it, when I told a friend of mine I’m a furry, he said “Ah, the porn with animals?”. Yet I’m certain their minds aren’t less horny. Just think of how traditional media is filled with sexy women whose sole scope is looking good and sexy – sometimes I wonder what it must feel like to have a classic, acceptable sexuality, and having enjoyable content everywhere. But also I know they aren’t proof against kinks. Things like foot fetish, pissing and so on are kinks known even by those who aren’t a furry. Then what is that scares them off? I don’t think it’s the sexuality. It’s the fact we’re honest about it. The fact we’re honest in general. It seems to me that honesty scares most humans. We get taught that honesty is a virtue, but in practice pretty much the opposite happens. You must always assume a straight face and smile and claim acceptable opinions because otherwise others may whisper things about you. We are constantly surrounded by an industry based entirely on deception, also known as advertising. I won’t even start talking about politics, I’m not that bold. And then they see us. They see people who don’t adhere to what is morally accepted, even if breaking that stuff is in fact harmless. People who don’t care about looking masculine, looking adult, who are artists and not content creators, and they cannot elaborate so much honesty. Their eyes fall on the sexual parts of the community because sex always catches the most attention – it’s the primal force that moves us all even if they don’t want to admit it, and because they don’t want to admit it, they reduce us to that, in bad terms.
And yet. Then I realize that even if I wasn’t a furry, even if I was a straight guy, I would still be a category of people to eliminate for someone else out in the world. During the attack, I thought of an interesting coincidence: it was exactly ten years since that night in Paris when hundreds of people died in a terrorist attack. A much bigger incident of course, our attackers after all was a bunch of hooligans or something. Still, what category of people did the victims belong to? Something related to what land their passports stated they belonged to. No matter what, everyone in this world is always someone else’s furry. The fact is, that our brains always put people in simple categories, as a way to save energy and instantly flee from danger in case we recognize a bad category. But think of how easily exploitable this instinct is. Think of the fact that since our birth we are all taught that we belong to a precise category – nationality. Religion is frequent too. Of course after that there’s all sorts of categories: skin color, what sports team you support, what music you listen to… Usually what happens is that if your category does something questionable or violent, then it’s justified, we gotta investigate further, but if it’s them… it’s never about actual morality, it’s about what category you, or they, belong to.
So no reason to flee from being a furry because someone out there thinks I’m cringe and should die. Others out there think I should die for different reasons anyway. And I mean, who am I to claim I’m different? Am I not subject to this same awful instinct too? You should see me when I speak of those who support ideologies I am against, or corporations, which are still made primarily of living people. So let’s just face it: we all suck.
However though, I keep having this feeling that furries in general suck a bit less. (That totally changes during room parties.) Fact is, this community stands for everything I am in favor of. Honesty. Compassion. Friendship. Sexual openness. All things every authoritarian entity oppresses with all their might to satisfy a thirst of power that can never be satiated, something so irrational that yet often wears a rational mask. And also there’s our fight against that colossal marketing scam called AI, which we have seen through on behalf of having nothing but art to breathe life into our identities.
What I would say to the attackers if I had them in front of me now? Implying of course it’s a safe situation. Well, I don’t know. Maybe, first of all, why. And then I’d ask them to talk a bit about themselves. Because unlike them, if anything, I want to discover what kind of person there is behind that category I’m seeing. And then to find a hobby – once they paid their dues to justice I mean, as I’m writing two were already arrested. If they have so much energy to be destructive, they must have also energy to create. After all, energy cannot be created or destroyed, as thermodynamics taught us.
This was a journal I wrote out of my gut, so some opinions may be not well shaped, or even questionable. But it was the kind of journal I felt like writing. Crude, direct and emotional. It would have taken too long to write a rational one.

Final note: no one died or had serious injuries. One guy was brought to the hospital, but we’ve all come back our homes safely. No more incidents happened. We’re all traumatised of course, but even despite the commotion, I can tell you that the day after, during the closing ceremony, there were big cheers and smiles and we were still all happy to be there together. None of us regrets joining Goldenhorn and we’re all incredibly thankful to the staff who managed to limit the damage we could have had. They supported us much more than any police force could ever do. Here is the magic of the furry community. We all have different likes, kinks, and each of us sure dislikes some kinks other furries have, and yet we are so united. For sure in the coming years I will learn to face more openly the flaws of the community, but even then, I will remind myself of that closing ceremony.