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I have made a huge mistake
16 years ago
General
I think I made a horrible mistake.Sometimes I don't really know who I truly am,honestly. I let something go when It made me happy.I fucking let it go and I feel so stupid for it.I really hate not being able to make the right decision for MYSELF. I always make one thinking it's the right way to go and it ends up biting me in the ass.It's been like that for as long as I remember.These past two days I have gone into a really bad depression.Nothing suicidal or anything but I just feel empty.I have nothing to look forward to.I hate that feeling this way.At this point it seems like it won't get any better.I am pretty sure it will but for the time being I am just dazed and confused.When I get upset,sad,etc. I always tend to think about all the bad things in my life..and it keeps the depression staying longer.I try to stop it..I really wish I could because I hate it so so much.
I have never thought I was good at anything and I was constantly told that I wasn't..I ended up believing it.
I hope I was a good girlfriend to him..I really do because I never wanted to hurt him and I sure as hell didn't want it to end this way and I am so stupid that I even did it.I wasn't in my right place of mind..
So..what i'm going to do is sit here..day by day and night by night.Hoping that this will all just go away.I wish things could just go back to the way they were.Night's and morning's are the worst..waking up in the morning and looking at my phone and not seeing a text from him saying "good morning sunshine" kills me.It would make my day.I'm not even sure if he ever knew that.. but it meant a lot to me.At night it's sad because I remember going to his house and spending the night, him kissing me on my head and saying "goodnight sweetie". I'm not trying to go on and on about my problems..it's venting.
But it kills me day and night knowing that I messed up on something that was good in my life.I was so impatient..and like I said before, stupid.
I love him.I honestly do.That won't stop, I promise you that.He might move on and someone 10x's more better then me.But that will never make me forget the times I had with him.
I have never thought I was good at anything and I was constantly told that I wasn't..I ended up believing it.
I hope I was a good girlfriend to him..I really do because I never wanted to hurt him and I sure as hell didn't want it to end this way and I am so stupid that I even did it.I wasn't in my right place of mind..
So..what i'm going to do is sit here..day by day and night by night.Hoping that this will all just go away.I wish things could just go back to the way they were.Night's and morning's are the worst..waking up in the morning and looking at my phone and not seeing a text from him saying "good morning sunshine" kills me.It would make my day.I'm not even sure if he ever knew that.. but it meant a lot to me.At night it's sad because I remember going to his house and spending the night, him kissing me on my head and saying "goodnight sweetie". I'm not trying to go on and on about my problems..it's venting.
But it kills me day and night knowing that I messed up on something that was good in my life.I was so impatient..and like I said before, stupid.
I love him.I honestly do.That won't stop, I promise you that.He might move on and someone 10x's more better then me.But that will never make me forget the times I had with him.
I've been burned by love before. But by the AllSpark, I still believe in love. Ya GOTTA believe in love!
By the way, you don't sound intelligent with your rants, You sound like a typical, unshaven feminazi.
Have a nice weekend<3