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Explanation
15 years ago
School ended about two months ago. Sorry I disappeared again. As soon as school ended, I went back home to my home country to visit relatives and old friends that I have not seen in years. My parents had this trip planned for years but we could not save enough money until now, but now that i'm going to college, they want to go before i do. It has been a wonderous experience to see everyone again. Some of my old friends have changed so much but deep inside they are still the same people I remembered them for back then. It was very touching.
Now I am back in California for a while now visiting colleges and universities around the US and I must prepare for college while enjoying the remainder of my summer vacation. Unfortunately I don't have anyone to hang out with anymore.. u__u
I appologize for disappearing on everyone. I wish to thank everyone that sent me notes of encouragement and messaged me! I am very sorry for making everyone worry about me... I should owe everyone an explanation of what has happened up until the end of the school year...
I think it was left off from when I found out that Apple had a girlfriend on Valentines day. Wow.. that was a long time ago... After it was discovered that he had a girlfriend, I had assumed that it was this one girl that was very sweet. I was fine with it, but when I had confronted Apple, I had discovered that it was actually this whore that went by the same name. I had a big problem with her because she had a bajillion boyfriends before Apple and all of them had only lasted a few weeks. She slept with all of them and broke up with them and whored herself around to other guys. It was unfortunate because knowing Apple, he was probably into the relationship. I was afraid that he might have not known about her stupid actions.
I tried to bring it up with Apple and we discussed it with our friends, but Apple claimed that it was different with him. After a while of arguing, I ended up saying things I should have not said and we stopped talking to each other. I still haven't spoken to him ever since.
With Gunner, it was a different story. A few months ago, Gunner's mom and dad had found out that he was bi somehow and they accused me of being gay and blamed me for his "corruption" and proceeded to accuse my parents for it. I don't wish to go into detail since it was just disastrous and it was the worst month of my life. Gunner's church "friends" made sure that Gunner could never see me or talk to me and they would spread rumors about me. I hated them. As for my parents, they weren't so hard on me about my sexual orientation, but they had only hoped that I would have told them and not someone else. They hoped that it was only a phase and I would grow out of it... I feel that they wished I was not gay since I was their only child...
As for Blue, he was just a bad friend. As soon as drama with Apple started, he was quick to hide from us and avoid us. When I finally came out to him when I needed him (after I had lost Apple and Gunner), he called me a faggot and accused me of probably touching him in his sleep at the sleepovers (which I do not) and other stuff. He was one "friend" I was happy to lose.
That was pretty much the story of what happened to my main circle of friends. I still have other people I know, but I am not as close to them. The last time I saw Apple, he was with that whore and her other whorefriends. Lets just say, he's not in a good position. From what I hear, he got her pregnant because of their stupidity and she's on her way to an abortion or something. That's just rumors though and I hope it hasn't become that bad...
As for Gunner, I'm uploading a picture about him now...
Thank you again everyone. I only wish things turned out differently... Hopefully I can move on and college would be better. I cannot promise that I will continue to use this account. I may or may not return due to college and the reminder this account holds...
Now I am back in California for a while now visiting colleges and universities around the US and I must prepare for college while enjoying the remainder of my summer vacation. Unfortunately I don't have anyone to hang out with anymore.. u__u
I appologize for disappearing on everyone. I wish to thank everyone that sent me notes of encouragement and messaged me! I am very sorry for making everyone worry about me... I should owe everyone an explanation of what has happened up until the end of the school year...
I think it was left off from when I found out that Apple had a girlfriend on Valentines day. Wow.. that was a long time ago... After it was discovered that he had a girlfriend, I had assumed that it was this one girl that was very sweet. I was fine with it, but when I had confronted Apple, I had discovered that it was actually this whore that went by the same name. I had a big problem with her because she had a bajillion boyfriends before Apple and all of them had only lasted a few weeks. She slept with all of them and broke up with them and whored herself around to other guys. It was unfortunate because knowing Apple, he was probably into the relationship. I was afraid that he might have not known about her stupid actions.
I tried to bring it up with Apple and we discussed it with our friends, but Apple claimed that it was different with him. After a while of arguing, I ended up saying things I should have not said and we stopped talking to each other. I still haven't spoken to him ever since.
With Gunner, it was a different story. A few months ago, Gunner's mom and dad had found out that he was bi somehow and they accused me of being gay and blamed me for his "corruption" and proceeded to accuse my parents for it. I don't wish to go into detail since it was just disastrous and it was the worst month of my life. Gunner's church "friends" made sure that Gunner could never see me or talk to me and they would spread rumors about me. I hated them. As for my parents, they weren't so hard on me about my sexual orientation, but they had only hoped that I would have told them and not someone else. They hoped that it was only a phase and I would grow out of it... I feel that they wished I was not gay since I was their only child...
As for Blue, he was just a bad friend. As soon as drama with Apple started, he was quick to hide from us and avoid us. When I finally came out to him when I needed him (after I had lost Apple and Gunner), he called me a faggot and accused me of probably touching him in his sleep at the sleepovers (which I do not) and other stuff. He was one "friend" I was happy to lose.
That was pretty much the story of what happened to my main circle of friends. I still have other people I know, but I am not as close to them. The last time I saw Apple, he was with that whore and her other whorefriends. Lets just say, he's not in a good position. From what I hear, he got her pregnant because of their stupidity and she's on her way to an abortion or something. That's just rumors though and I hope it hasn't become that bad...
As for Gunner, I'm uploading a picture about him now...
Thank you again everyone. I only wish things turned out differently... Hopefully I can move on and college would be better. I cannot promise that I will continue to use this account. I may or may not return due to college and the reminder this account holds...
This is weird, I was going through my watch list, removing people who never posted anymore and so on and I saw your name and looked at your site and saw your journals and I got a little freaked out and worried about you. Haha, I mean, I don't know you, but you seem like a nice kid and if my own little brother were in your place, I would worry.
So, I'm really happy to see that you're okay, even if you're having a tough time. I'm happy that you were able to take your trip and that your parents are more or less okay and that you will be able to go to college.
I'm sorry your last year at school was rough, man.
Best of luck to you and I hope we get to see some more art as time goes by. You've got a nice style.
Good luck moving forward.
Yikes...
Tell you what, I'll blow them all up for you... FOR FREE!! ^^
About Apple: I know how that feels, since I've had to deal with idiot friends like that too. Also, you could try apologizing to him about what you said. It might help heal the wounds.
About Gunner's parents: Religious people are idiots. They say that god is against homosexuals, when it has been PROVEN that sexual preference towards the same sex is GENETIC. They supposedly say that god created us in his image, at which point their intolerance proves that they aren't religious at all. Fucking retards.
About Blue: He sounds like a real dick. You're better off without him.
If you go to college out of state, it's like starting with a clean slate, if that makes you feel any better.
If you want to talk to me more, you can note me and I'll respond as fast as I can.
When you go to college, you will meet tons of new friends, and I'm sure your sexuality will be accepted.
You may want to apologize to Apple at least, he may not be seeing clearly while in this relationship, just let him know you're there if he needs you. There's not much you can do about Gunner and his parents, it sounds like you both have accepted the situation so it's probably best to move on and keep in touch. Blue sounds like an asshole, good riddance eh?
Keep posting on FA, I like your art and we are all here for you ^^
but im happy to see that you're still alive and well.
I feel sad about Gunner's case. I know that it hurts for parents to know about it but at least they didn't kick you or something. The best you can do is, without denying yourself, is to make them happy without sacrificing who you really are.
Stay live alive, man. College will take your time, for sure.
I don't think anyone would blame you for leaving this account, but I ask that if you do, you create another for new things. You're very talented as an artist, and I feel you could only get better as time goes on. I'm sure everyone else here would agree. There are plenty of people here you could talk to if you need to talk to someone about things.
Take care out there, be safe.
As for you leaving, I'm sure a great many of us would be sad to see you go, but we can't exactly stop you. Although if you make a new account on here let us know!
No matter what course of action you take best of luck with it, dude.
Wish for the best for you in your future.
Not sure what else to say.
It's a sad, sad situation, but you can persevere through this. I have no doubt of it after seeing what you've been through. Don't give up, Fifty. You said you wished things had turned out differently? Well then, make them turn out differently. Every day that you wake up to meet is a new day and a new page in the book known as your life. We all make decisions that create different outcomes on that page, and you can change this. Things may look bad, things may look grim, but I know that they can and will get better for you if you take hold of the reigns and ford your own path.
Don't give up Fifty... I wish you the best of luck in whatever endeavors you take upon yourself and encounter.
-Stay Strong. Dont Let your Heart Crash
It was quite a touching journal. I'm sorry things happened that way.
As the other said, try to keep in touch with Gunner, maybe (online at least?)...he might need you :)
Also, it's a new beginning for you. People in colleges and universities tend to be "less stupid" than high schoolers, you'll bump into lots of extraordinary/interesting people.
You're gonna make great friends, and as you (and the other) are getting closer to 18 and gainning autonomy, it's gonna be even better.
I think you got a quite bright future waiting for you.
Did you think about sending a little email to Apple?
I thinking reading something like "Hello. i'm sorry about what i said, i didn't mean it / i went too far. i wish you the best of luck, you're a great guy. take care" would at least make him smile.
And maybe, someday, he'll feel like talking to you again. or not. nothing to lose? :)
If you wanna chat with new people, you can add me on AIM/MSN ! it's good to meet new people :)
take care =)
Don't let the words of others sway how you feel.
Just don't leave us, please. If you must switch accounts, tell all of us so we can still follow you, you're a great artist and a great guy
I think you will find a wealth of fantastic people at university. People will actually be interested in you just for being you. Surely things will improve. I'm sorry to hear about your difficult time and about religious zealots who decided to butt in and play "judgment."
Shit.
I'm REALLY sorry this happened to you. I really am.
I lost a LOT of friends, too, when I opened up to being bisexual, and you know what? It fucking hurts. I know it, cause I've been there.
But you wanna know what else? Even though it's hurting now, it's only going to make you stronger in the end. But until that happens...
*hug*
Fuck, even THAT doesn't cover half the shit you went through, but sadly it's all I can do.
Best of luck to you.
Hope my comment will help u..... (sorry, i'm bad in telling somethings) ^_^ *always be tough*
College will definitely be a different experience for you though. Like everyone else has mentioned, you'll meet new friends and start clean.
I wouldn't stop using this account either. With college comes new experiences and memories, and I suppose if you're in the mood to draw them, all of us would love to see the new people and experiences you would be willing to share with the rest of us.
You still have your whole life ahead of you, Fifty. Don't let one rocky patch in your life bring you down. Be better than those who put you down and strive towards making your college experience better than your high school one.