Why does reciting one's social security number make people feel socially insecure?

I listen to Scandinavian heavy metal, but do not understand the lyrics. I suppose this makes me the musical equivalent of an anime dork, and it is my greatest hope that upon meeting a band like Finntroll, they would proceed to beat me with their viking helmets while yelling loudly. But enough of my sexual fantasies.

My car (which a co-worker whom I give rides home to has correctly nicknamed "The Chariot of Filth" ) physically repels car theft within a three car radius by pure lack of appeal.

Coincidentally, it is my belief that washing windshields is for chumps and quitters, in that order.

Sometimes those below me complain about my method of management. I then ask them what they would do in my place, usually being met with complete silence.
I eventually relent and take the buttplugs out. Whiners.

I was once asked the meaning of life, which prompted my opening of a dictionary. I had previously never been called an "assclown." It was an eye-opening day for both of us.

I don't think of pornography as acting. Not because I'm prude, but because that's the worst acting I've ever seen. How can you fail to convey that sex is generally a good time?

By a show of hands, who here is an amputee?

'Clipboard' is a very efficient summary of the item's function and contents. More items should follow its example.

I like how Alan Greenspan is retired, but even by whispering the word "recession," he can make investors part like the red sea. I wish I had that kind of potentially dangerous but generally inconsequential power.

Being gay means never having to say you're sorry for drawing huge boobs. It's kind of like my own little tree fort from womankind.
A tree fort comprised of feather boas and buttsex.

Considering the phonetics of it, "CDs" are very self-promoting.

I know they're good at fitting in those little cars, but assclowns just seem like a grave mistake.

George Bush is more hostile toward alternative energy sources than Don Quixote.