I was going to post this anyway, but last night Comcast somehow managed to fuxx0r half of Michigan's internet. And now by sheer luck it happens to be a Monday. So here we go again...
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Here's a revolutionary idea: Insults are good for you.

Lemme explain this first before you immediately call the funny farm.

A lot of people have told me that I'm too insulting in my rants. That, while they may agree with what I say, the way I say it is far too coarse and angry. While I can understand this, it's always kind of irritated me. And I haven't been entirely sure why for a long time.

Then I thought about my mother. I remember the tantrums she'd throw whenever someone said something to her that she considered insulting. I remember how repulsive it was to see her like this. I remember how, throughout her life, she never learned from any criticism she was ever given. If someone criticized her cooking for instance, instead of listening to the critique, she'd take it as an insult and yell a lot. Whether a statement was true or not didn't matter; it only mattered how it made her feel.

And then I thought of my friend Robert. He has an almost-supernatural invulnerability to insults that I greatly admire. I've seen him read through messageboards full of people hurling nothing but hatred at him, and he just shrugs it off. If it's true, he acknowledges it, and if it's false, he laughs. I can't convey how much I wish all of humanity was more like him. How much I wish I was more like him.

For a long time now, I have been trying to see every insult as a chance for me to learn about myself. Whenever we're insulted and it hurts deeply, it's an inescapable fact that it's because some part of us is worried that it might be true.

If you weighed 120 pounds and I called you a grotesque lardass, there are several reactions to this. The person who's secure in their weight will probably just blow me off for talking crazy. (Or be pissed at me for being rude. That's fine too.) But the person who is insecure, who secretly worries that they really are a grotesque lardass, will be deeply hurt. Insults harm us by piercing through our bullshit and poking at our soft, vulnerable fear parts.

I'm fat, and I can be pushy and arrogant. There's no denying that. If someone says to me, "You're a grotesque lardass", my response will likely be, "Yeah, well, that's why I don't take my shirt off very often." If someone points out when I've been pushy and arrogant, I'll feel a lot more insulted, because I hate that part of myself and I try not to be that way. When someone points out that I've failed at keeping that part of me in control, I feel shame. And that shame leads to resentment: 'How dare you point that out'.

There's nothing wrong with feeling that resentment. But if we want to be any better than what we are, we have to feel it, accept it for what it is, and then discard it.

It's like feeling a pang of fear when someone of a different race gets too close to you in public. That, by itself, is not anything to be ashamed of. Human beings are wired for xenophobia. The only problem comes when you take that momentary fear and treat it like a fact.

The danger of insults is when you take that moment of resentment towards the other person for telling the truth, and treat it like they're the real problem, not you.

I want all of you to try and imagine the most insulting thing that anyone could ever say to you. Seriously. Take a few moments and really try. I'll wait.

...

It was something you either fear you already are, or would do anything in the world to not become. Wasn't it?

Now imagine someone saying that very insult at you. What are your possible reactions? You could get angry and throw an insult right back at them. You could turn your nose up at their rudeness and ignore it.

Or you could take a moment to examine it. You could ask yourself some very important questions:

1. Is what they said true?
2. If it's not true, am I angry because I'm afraid it could be true?
3. If it is true, then how can I change?

It's hard to overcome that instinctual burst of anger. But I want to. I want to view every insult I get as am opportunity to improve myself. Because I want to be better. And you can never get better by denying a problem exists. Sometimes it hurts to admit an insult is true. But that's no reason not to. If you deny it, that only increases the chances that the same insult will hurt more the next time you hear it. Every time you deny it, it will increase the shame you feel at lying to yourself.

By the way, I want to clarify that only occasional insults are good for you. Being constantly insulted is bad for you in a lot of ways. People are only just beginning to understand the incredible harm that long-term inescapable bullying can do to someone's brain. So yes, anyone who's in a situation like that should get the hell out in any way they can, and never be afraid to ask for help.

But you can also choose to work towards not letting the insults hurt you. The more you practice, the less they will hurt. Think of it as building armor over your heart. Make it a goal to get to a point where you can respond to insults with, 'You're wrong and rude so I'm ignoring you' or 'Thanks for pointing out where I was wrong. Though you're still rude.'

I want to end with a really great quote from Gloria Stienem that I absolutely love:

"The truth will set you free. But first it will piss you off."