Lately I feel like I must be diseased or afflicted with some other ailment that drives people away. Those whom I thought were very good friends-loved ones, even-seem to avoid me. Or, worse, lie to me or make feeble excuses as to why I seem to be unworthy to talk to anymore.
It's not fair that those closest to us can-and are-the ones to cut you the deepest. It's just not right. They're supposed to be the ones there to help you feel better when others hurt you or the world turns its back on you. When your safe haven is the source of the pain, where are you supposed to turn then?
My thoughts and emotions have been in such a jumble these past few weeks. I just don't know where to start. I have no off-line friends to speak of, no life, no vehicle, and no chance of anything of importance-other than pain-happening.
There are very few things I've ever asked for in life-substancial things-and I don't think any of them are terribly large things. Most want fame, fortune, glory... I want none of these. I don't want to be anyone important. I don't want to be rich. But what I do want seems just as far out of reach...