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Pukealicious
15 years ago
General
*I am going to kill you so much that by the time I am done you will be dead.
*I saw a thing in the paper the other day about how the local police force were all going on the Atkins Diet, no carbs of course, so they were asking people to please not give them any gifts of baked goods.
The headline was: 'DO NOT DONATE DONUTS'.
*3,000 STICKS OF BUTTER + EMILIO ESTEVEZ = ONE (1) AIRCRAFT CARRIER
*Q: How can you tell a Jewish mermaid?
A: Well, they're like regular Jews, but with fins.
*GO SELF YOURFUCK
*I wonder if people ever sneak up on MC Hammer, slowly reach out, lightly touch him, then run off giggling like a maniac.
*You never see an anorexic midget.
*NED: I have invented a machine that automatically locates prostitutes!
FRED: Really? What's it called?
NED: A whore-o-scope!
FRED: <facepalm>
*"Honey, for your birthday this year, I bought you something very special. VEGAN edible underpants!!"
"..."
"They're made of spinach."
"..."
"See; there's a little warning on the package that says 'Keep Out Of Reach Of Popeye'."
"..."
*To all the folks out there with a hard vore fetish:
You ever eat your own scabs 'cause it's the closest you'll ever come in real life?
*Q: Why does it suck to share a pizza with a computer?
A: Because they take mega bites.
*THINGS WE CAN LEARN FROM CARTOONS AIMED AT GIRLS:
All ethnicities look exactly alike in terms of face and body structure; the only difference is skin tone. Also, all women have the exact same body, just different heads.
*Jawas are just ewoks with really bad skin conditions.
*Q: What kind of cheese should you keep away from white women?
A: Colby Bryant
*I'm surprised no one has done a Sonic Universe statuphilia/inanimate TF pic based on the phrase 'Brass Knuckles'.
*'You've just won an all-expenses paid vacation to wherever you currently already are!!!'
*I wonder what sounds Mrs. Butterworth would make if you shoved the bottle up your ass.
*Just for the sheer irony of it, I'd like to meet a hooker named Chastity.
*I want to try a science experiment. I want to go out in a yard and hold up a milkshake and see if boys show up.
*You think maybe Jessica Rabbit's hot for Roger just because she's got a foot fetish?
*I wanna get a vanity lisence plate that says 'PHA-Q'. See if anyone can figure it out.
*Q: What does Mario Andretti clean his floors with?
A: A BRRRRRRROOOOOMMM!!!
*I saw a thing in the paper the other day about how the local police force were all going on the Atkins Diet, no carbs of course, so they were asking people to please not give them any gifts of baked goods.
The headline was: 'DO NOT DONATE DONUTS'.
*3,000 STICKS OF BUTTER + EMILIO ESTEVEZ = ONE (1) AIRCRAFT CARRIER
*Q: How can you tell a Jewish mermaid?
A: Well, they're like regular Jews, but with fins.
*GO SELF YOURFUCK
*I wonder if people ever sneak up on MC Hammer, slowly reach out, lightly touch him, then run off giggling like a maniac.
*You never see an anorexic midget.
*NED: I have invented a machine that automatically locates prostitutes!
FRED: Really? What's it called?
NED: A whore-o-scope!
FRED: <facepalm>
*"Honey, for your birthday this year, I bought you something very special. VEGAN edible underpants!!"
"..."
"They're made of spinach."
"..."
"See; there's a little warning on the package that says 'Keep Out Of Reach Of Popeye'."
"..."
*To all the folks out there with a hard vore fetish:
You ever eat your own scabs 'cause it's the closest you'll ever come in real life?
*Q: Why does it suck to share a pizza with a computer?
A: Because they take mega bites.
*THINGS WE CAN LEARN FROM CARTOONS AIMED AT GIRLS:
All ethnicities look exactly alike in terms of face and body structure; the only difference is skin tone. Also, all women have the exact same body, just different heads.
*Jawas are just ewoks with really bad skin conditions.
*Q: What kind of cheese should you keep away from white women?
A: Colby Bryant
*I'm surprised no one has done a Sonic Universe statuphilia/inanimate TF pic based on the phrase 'Brass Knuckles'.
*'You've just won an all-expenses paid vacation to wherever you currently already are!!!'
*I wonder what sounds Mrs. Butterworth would make if you shoved the bottle up your ass.
*Just for the sheer irony of it, I'd like to meet a hooker named Chastity.
*I want to try a science experiment. I want to go out in a yard and hold up a milkshake and see if boys show up.
*You think maybe Jessica Rabbit's hot for Roger just because she's got a foot fetish?
*I wanna get a vanity lisence plate that says 'PHA-Q'. See if anyone can figure it out.
*Q: What does Mario Andretti clean his floors with?
A: A BRRRRRRROOOOOMMM!!!
Challenge: Accepted!
I read this in GLaDOS's voice. >:3
*3,000 STICKS OF BUTTER + EMILIO ESTEVEZ = ONE (1) AIRCRAFT CARRIER
Unfortunately this alchemy requires more Build Grist than I have! I shall have to defeat more underlings to collect grist and levels.
*THINGS WE CAN LEARN FROM CARTOONS AIMED AT GIRLS:
All ethnicities look exactly alike in terms of face and body structure; the only difference is skin tone. Also, all women have the exact same body, just different heads.
Not quite true from what I've seen; apparently some races have wings, some have a spiral horn on their foreheads, and the master race has both!
*Just for the sheer irony of it, I'd like to meet a hooker named Chastity.
I know one named Charity who gives great discounts if you're unemployed! (I actually don't.)
Really? I read it in Superboy-Prime's voice.
http://reilly2040.co.uk/blog/wp-con...../ctdwn13-2.jpg
Sorry, Superman-Prime. I'm just going to admit, right now, that I don't know shit about comics. First time I saw that was on TV Tropes.
EPIC AGREEMENT.
>Not quite true from what I've seen; apparently some races have wings, some have a spiral horn on their foreheads, and the master race has both!
This was actually based off an episode of Jem & The Holograms I watched once (I forget why) and is literally true in its case.
>I know one named Charity who gives great discounts if you're unemployed! (I actually don't.)
I know one named Sloth. It takes her five weeks to cum.
Ah, okay. XD I figured you had something specific in mind!
Mine was based on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Which, despite being a show marketed to little girls to help sell plastic toys, is ACTUALLY GOOD. To the point where the fan-following of adult males call themselves "bronies" and are raging at Hasbro for producing shit-quality toys for the new generation of ponies, many of which don't match the character designs in the show at all (even wrong color in some cases). The horror of it is, we can't "vote with our wallets" by simply not buying them; we have to take active action somehow to let the company know the reason why we're not buying them, otherwise they'll just assume that the cartoon they commissioned to help sell their toys wasn't doing its job, and cancel the show we care more about than their shitty toys. (To the point where some artisans are buying multiple pony toys and customizing them to instead be background characters that have become just as beloved as the main cast. I saw kitbashed Derpy Hooves going for $35 posted on Equestria Daily.)
The good news is, Hasbro does seem to genuinely listen. At least for Transformer fans; every single thing the fans have disliked over the years has been gradually eliminated, resulting in designs that just get mind-bendingly better year after year. If Hasbro has any brains at all, they'll realize the massive internet popularity of the show and get their act together. I'm sure they never could have imagined the massive response to it and didn't put much effort into the toys at first. If they're the same on Ponies as they are Transformers, the next wave of products should blow away the first batch.
*"Honey, for your birthday this year, I bought you something very special. VEGAN edible underpants!!"
"..."
"They're made of spinach."
"..."
"See; there's a little warning on the package that says 'Keep Out Of Reach Of Popeye'."
"..."
*I wonder what sounds Mrs. Butterworth would make if you shoved the bottle up your ass.
*Just for the sheer irony of it, I'd like to meet a hooker named Chastity.
*I want to try a science experiment. I want to go out in a yard and hold up a milkshake and see if boys show up.
This one, too, after I actually got it:
*I wonder if people ever sneak up on MC Hammer, slowly reach out, lightly touch him, then run off giggling like a maniac.
Can't believe I didn't get that one the first time.
The real question is, would you stop if he commanded it?
Q: How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE.
You know, I do believe that Donald Trump's hairpiece has gained sentience and taken over his mind.
So THAT'S what Betty Boop meant when she said Jessica was a lucky gal.
Here's a couple of my own:
* You're about as trustworthy as a mohel with Parkison's disease.
* Nice prediction, Nostra-Dumbass!
* What do you get when you shit in a salad?
Your restaurant closes down. Seriously, what the fuck were you thinking you salad-shitting weirdo?
*I recently earned my drivers license, unlike the time I got my learners permit they got my gender right.
*I'm still waiting for the day Nintendo will make a game where Mario wakes up from his shroom-induced hallucination.
*It's hard to be entirely truthful when you give a speech that starts with "I had a dream." If you were, you would probably have to describe the way you ran through a forest of trees who want to rape you while being chased by Barney, and when you looked at yourself you realized you were dressed up in a woman's one-piece swimsuit. Then you had to stop the zombie apocalypse by running around with a boombox playing the recorded songs from the last school talent show to make their heads explode.
For a split second I read that first word as "Jews"
You know what I've never seen? Rule 34 of those toilet paper obsessed bears from the Charmin commercials.
HAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh god, I don't know if that makes it funnier or not!
>You know what I've never seen? Rule 34 of those toilet paper obsessed bears from the Charmin commercials.
Au contraire.
My faith in the internet has just been restored.
>A: Because they take mega bites.
This belongs in a collection of computer jokes called "Giggle Bytes."