okay, so. here's the deal.

echo and topher are just a joy to have around. i love them so much, you guys, and we aren't even bonded yet.

why not? it's not a failure on the part of my breeder or the little guys themselves, trust me.

here's the thing: i'm flinchy.

case in point: today, i was removing the big sleepy pouch (which they've favored a lot lately) to "borrow" it to clean it. i managed to get it halfway out of the cage, when echo and topher got really rambunctious and started flying all over the place inside the cage. echo landed on my arm. i was like "oh shit." i tried to get her to go into one of the new pouches, and she went halfway in, only to run back out and settle on my forearm.

she starts doing what i NOW know is either testing nibbles or grooming -- she's done it to me before -- a lick, lick, lick, lick, followed by a pinch and a harder pinch, a pinch that i know will keep getting harder unless i stop it. i got scared, i blew lightly on her face to stop her. i've tried "psst!" and "no!" but it never deters her, so i blew on her face a little and she panicked and kind of toppled off my arm onto the bottom of the cage. the drop was only a foot and a half, but i don't know if she jumped or just fell. she seemed fine after. but still. she was scared by it. and probably less likely to approach me than before, which is what upsets me.

in immediate hindsight, i was like "goddamnit, HD!!" she wasn't going to draw blood. she's just curious about me, and of course, i always panic. i'm not letting her make any progress with me (or her brother, by that token). it's just, she's a nibbler. i don't know what to do. i can't seem to quell my urge to flinch or shake her off or whatever else happens to occur to my reflexes to do.

and it upsets me SO much, because of course i already want to be at the stage where they happily come over to me and where i can just pull them out of their pouches with my bare hands and put them into their bonding pouches, but right now i feel like a complete failure. ; ;

sure, i can feed them the best possible diet and treat them and make sure everything is clean, and i can talk to them through the cage and hand-feed them treats, but how am i going to progress if i'm so subconsciously terrified of being bitten that i flinch at every little thing? they clearly are ready to be close to me. it's me that seems to have the problem. ; ;

so sad...

-hd

edit: I'm starting over with freshly me-scented blankets every night and was able to finally acquire applesauce (slacktastic on my part, i know). so i opened the bottom door of the cage and got both furbats to take a little off my finger. they're still wary as hell of me... i set myself ten billion steps back, but there's no place too far back to start, y'know? <3 tent time in a week. til then, blankets and applesauce.