If you can't bothered reading this, don't worry about it, it's more just for me to put my words down.

Basically, yesterday I was given news on one of my grandfather's passing. He was a fairly old guy, so I suppose the fact he's died isn't much in the way of surprising, but in all honesty..I'm not really..affected by it. At all. All I reacted with was "Oh, hey, that's a shame. Oh well." My mother was more affected by it than me, and I think she expected me to cry or feel hurt by the news, she kept saying "do you want to go upstairs and cry? You can if you want to."

Now, don't take this the wrong way - I'm not heartless, far from it, I do feel sympathy to those affected, someone died and that's a shame. My granddad and I weren't that close; see, he was a chronic alcoholic, rather than talk to his grandkids, he was hitting the whiskey. Bottle in hand, because he loved that. It's been over 10 years, this is the first news I've had on him. See, that side of the family are a bit contrived and messed up - they had two grandkids, I was the younger and, even though I'm the son of their deceased son, they were more concerned with my older cousin - who turned out to be a gay murderer (so I've basically dodged a bullet).

But, that explains a lot. But, this isn't a "woe is me" post, "oh how bad it all is" type thing - it's more of a look onto it. See, as a grandfather, you'd think the reaction would be more..firm. A saddened one, one of loss, severe hurt or whatever - the man gave his life to drink and became nothing to do with me. Nothing to me. In honesty? I think that's more tragic than the death itself. In death, a person was lost, but in isolation, his family didn't care.

Since I got the news..in honesty, I've been looking at things slightly different. I don't want to end up like him or that side of my family. I mean, fuck it, dude, I'm better than that, even if I haven't always acted it - but who has? I guess I just want to put something down here so I can look at it and remind myself that I'm not like that. Not that I ever was.

I suppose the key thing I should say here, from everything I think is this - I'm not saying don't drink; I'm not saying do that if you like doing that. But for God's sake - don't let it control your life. It might seem like fun now, but what you lose in the future isn't worth it. You get a fuzzy feeling now. You might lose the love of your blood family later, your own grandkids or, sometimes your own children. Think about it.