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A little bit of thought, and some update on life.
14 years ago
If I die before my wake,
Pray my soul to take.. I've had a lot of songs in my head recently. I dunno if they're just too catchy, or if they're existential of my subconscious - should probably get Freud in on this shit. "Hey Siggy-F, got some songs in my head, here's the lyrics, does it have anything to do with sex or my mother?" ..Okay, so maybe I shouldn't.
But seriously, I've had a lot of them floating around my head. Some inspirational, some a little more downtrodden, but they're there. And I dunno why, but it's kind of a comfort. I always found when you had music playing over and over in your head, things can't be too bad. At least if it's songs you like, no-one likes having songs they don't enjoy stuck in their head. There's always that one really shit artist who writes really annoying, crappy tracks that just get stuck in your head like an MP3 stuck on replay over and over.
Still, some of these songs kind of say a lot, and it always makes me wonder, is it because I really like the song? Or is there some altered meaning as to why they're there? Human mind, how you astound me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmkNDnJtw4M
"'Cause the sun always sets
The moon always falls
It feels like the end
Just pay no mind at all
And keep rolling
Rolling
Life must go on."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ME-Jgs7lKj8
"Isolation Brings you to the end
Until you love again
Isolation If you could only see
What will come to be
Yeah!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KtF7ql3FJc
"Master of Puppets I'm pulling your strings,
Twisting your mind, smashing your dreams,
Blinded by me, you can't see a thing,
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream!
Master!
Master!
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream!
Master!
Master!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wzv972eueL4
"I'm the one distinctly plain to you,
For a solemn glance is another hopeful taste
Did you wish for your pain? Did you wish for your pain?
Wish I could have faltered,
Wish I could have changed
I'm the one distinctly plain to you,
For a solemn glance is another hopeful taste."
I'm not entirely sure they're expansions of the subconscious per-say as I listen to them through, listen to them over, read the words - but I know they have some meaning on me. I suppose that's what I should have figured out before I started typing, but hey, I think I've made a half decent post out of all this, so I'm not too bothered by it all. Besides, Diary of Always is a beautiful song that not enough people know about. Early Biffy for the win.
And now..
Update
Things are going..remarkably well. A lot of people see me as the devil or something now, but to be honest, I really am not too upset by it. I've said if folk wanna talk we can talk, but they don't wanna talk. So hey, cool beans - have fun. Some folk have up and left altogether, some folk just stopped talking to me. I guess it kind of says a lot, they don't wanna talk when they can't get something particular from me. One trick pony and all that. Ah well, it is how it is, they are how they are.
I'm not making excuses for myself, in honesty. This has all been very long winded, a lot of twists and turns, very indecisive, very unclear for a long time - but now, I just feel like I can see it all as it is. How I am now, who I'm with, (
if you're wondering), I'm happy. I'm not looking for excuses or lines through or whatever, I'm not answering to anyone I don't have to answer to. I answer to me, and I'm sorting out the shit I did before - I feel like I'm in a good place here, so I want to keep that going. And another visit is on the cards, which makes me pretty ecstatic - I never realised how much you could physically miss a person.
Do I feel guilty about anything? Only this had to be painful on people - but, you know, life is how life is. The way it is, that's the way it is. I want to put something profound here, but I can't think of anything fitting enough. or profound enough.
College starts back up Monday. Had my induction yesterday - I'm looking forward to it though. It was good seeing a bunch of familiar faces, it was nice having a laugh, it'll be good getting in deep and working, working with folk. There's new people joining the class, that should be a good experience too. Nothing bad about meeting new people, just gotta hope they're nice and friendly is all. So yeah. Woo!
I'm glad you're using your own head make the decisions instead of someone else - I love seeing you so strong again (makes you even sexier than before o.O) and if people only talked to you because they only wanted that one thing (I'm sure you know what I mean.. xD) then to be honest? In my opinion; they were never your friend - they just liked getting off on you or were only friends with you for someone else's (or their own) benefit. Just talk to the people you enjoy talking to :D
And oh god... physically missing someone is sad D: but if there's a trip that we're sorting out - no biggie ;D just gotta find out college terms and whatever :3
I liked reading over this, t'was a nice journal :3
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