FA+
Shop
What the fuck...
18 years ago
These are the ramblings of a weed kitty.
I am feeling the most complex mix of emotions that I have ever felt. A single drop of the hat and I could react in any direction. I've got things bringing me down, depressed, pissed, happy, emotional, longing, etc. I think I'm feeling the most Bi-Polar right now than I ever have before. (If you didn't know Sam, yeah, I am. Although I think I told you before that I was. *Shrug*)
Sam is deciding to stay in Iowa until the end of the semester, but I honestly don't know how that's going to work out. She has absolutely no support out there, except for maybe from her Aunt. Her father is an ssshole to the upmost extent, her friends aren't very friendly at all, and the closest person that could give two shits about her lives six hours away in Wisconsin. Of course, followed up by me up here in Massachusetts. For the past week we've been hanging on a thread about what Sam's decision is going to be. When she left on Monday, she had such a strong feeling to stay here, but her mom convinced her to return home and at least tie up loose ends before leaving. Then she was hit with a bunch of bills, that she can barely afford, and the stress of going to classes and finding a new place to live. She seems adamant about staying there, despite all the worries she's having about moving here and all our reassurance that it would be painless. She wants to come here, but I don't know exactly what's holding her back. Yes, it is a big step, but I feel we're ready for it. I really do. I can't imagine myself without her living here, and that might be just because for two weeks I became accustomed to her being here, laying with her at night, her scent, her touch, her voice, her presence, her clothing, her compassion.. everything. She brings the best out of me, really, and I feel as though I'm regressing to an asshole without her here. If she does decide to move here this month, she has until the 15th, which is the day of or before (I forget which) that is the last day for her to withdraw with a full refund from classes and her books. She can apply to Middlesex Community College over the net, or even in person as long as she gets here before the 22nd. As soon as she withdrew, I would fly down to Madison, Wisconsin, and wait with my brother and his family until she drove with all her things in her car to Prarie du Chien. After that, we'd stay for a day, leave for her mother's for another day or two, and drive up to Massachusetts. It's all very possible, and not as costly as it seems. Gas would be no more than 100 bucks and Mom would pay for the plane ticket to Madison, which would also only be 210 for a one-way nonstop flight.
Whatever happens, I just wish she would decide soon, because she is tearing me apart with her being so indecisive. I need to know, that way I can decide whether or not to go looking for a job or not. But I guess she's already decided, although I can tell it's hurting her to do so, which is making me wonder why the fuck she's staying there if she's going to be in so much pain. At least here she will be watched over, have a roof, food, water, electricity.. *Sigh*
On the upside of things, I spoke to old boss Linda's boss Kent today, and explained to him the situation of what happened this past Monday. The funny thing is that he responded just like Kelly thought he would, he was shocked but also bemused by what I had said to Linda and said that he understood why I did such thing. He even plans on getting me a job at a new plant, of course after first speaking with AJ about it (Anton Jr.) But I'm excited, this means I won't have any trouble getting a new job..
Sam is deciding to stay in Iowa until the end of the semester, but I honestly don't know how that's going to work out. She has absolutely no support out there, except for maybe from her Aunt. Her father is an ssshole to the upmost extent, her friends aren't very friendly at all, and the closest person that could give two shits about her lives six hours away in Wisconsin. Of course, followed up by me up here in Massachusetts. For the past week we've been hanging on a thread about what Sam's decision is going to be. When she left on Monday, she had such a strong feeling to stay here, but her mom convinced her to return home and at least tie up loose ends before leaving. Then she was hit with a bunch of bills, that she can barely afford, and the stress of going to classes and finding a new place to live. She seems adamant about staying there, despite all the worries she's having about moving here and all our reassurance that it would be painless. She wants to come here, but I don't know exactly what's holding her back. Yes, it is a big step, but I feel we're ready for it. I really do. I can't imagine myself without her living here, and that might be just because for two weeks I became accustomed to her being here, laying with her at night, her scent, her touch, her voice, her presence, her clothing, her compassion.. everything. She brings the best out of me, really, and I feel as though I'm regressing to an asshole without her here. If she does decide to move here this month, she has until the 15th, which is the day of or before (I forget which) that is the last day for her to withdraw with a full refund from classes and her books. She can apply to Middlesex Community College over the net, or even in person as long as she gets here before the 22nd. As soon as she withdrew, I would fly down to Madison, Wisconsin, and wait with my brother and his family until she drove with all her things in her car to Prarie du Chien. After that, we'd stay for a day, leave for her mother's for another day or two, and drive up to Massachusetts. It's all very possible, and not as costly as it seems. Gas would be no more than 100 bucks and Mom would pay for the plane ticket to Madison, which would also only be 210 for a one-way nonstop flight.
Whatever happens, I just wish she would decide soon, because she is tearing me apart with her being so indecisive. I need to know, that way I can decide whether or not to go looking for a job or not. But I guess she's already decided, although I can tell it's hurting her to do so, which is making me wonder why the fuck she's staying there if she's going to be in so much pain. At least here she will be watched over, have a roof, food, water, electricity.. *Sigh*
On the upside of things, I spoke to old boss Linda's boss Kent today, and explained to him the situation of what happened this past Monday. The funny thing is that he responded just like Kelly thought he would, he was shocked but also bemused by what I had said to Linda and said that he understood why I did such thing. He even plans on getting me a job at a new plant, of course after first speaking with AJ about it (Anton Jr.) But I'm excited, this means I won't have any trouble getting a new job..
