Running away from my problems is very easy for me. I’ve been doing it for so long, I’ve become rather numb about doing so. I lead my father to believe he fixed me, that he cured what was wrong with me.

My father and I use to be such great friends, I was his “little hot rod” he use to call me. I loved to just be in his presence. I had dreams of becoming a father, having kids, and continuing the name he and I both share. Then things changed, as I got older we began to fight more than agree and I rebelled. I started breaking curfew, ignoring phone calls and texts, and wearing clothes he hated. We grew to be enemies..and it only got worse. I feel in love with someone and that’s when things got darkest. He discovered my “affair” (as he called it) with another male. I’ve never seen him so angry and now that I look back, I saw hurt in his eyes. However, I was hurt as well. I felt as if he was treating me like a possession and not his son. That summer I came back from school to not the best of settings. The day I moved in, my car, television, computer, and phone were taken away. I was only allowed to go to my summer job and practice. While I was not a work or at practice I was given lectures and other things to help fix my problem or I would sit in silence in my room. I even started seeing a preacher at a local church to talk about my problem. I then lied to him about being fixed saying things like I was feeling better and less confused (which was not entirely a lie, just in that context). Since then I have been giving lie after lie to him about what I am doing and people I am interested in.

I feel it is time for me to come clean to him, man to man, father to son. I believe I have earned the right to live life the way I want it be. I am living a dream I vowed to him 10 years ago while lying in a hospital bed. People told me for a long time to give up and that I was thinking unrealistically, and even he at one point must have thought I was out of my mind (and I’m doing it while being “broken”). I believe we’ve gotten past the point where he can get in my face and tell me what to do. I’ve paid my dos and going after what I think I’m worth. I just hope he and I can look past our differences and come back to being friends again. I never meant to hurt him. If I could take back the pain and retrace every wrong move I would but my only option now is to stand up and take the blame.

I tell y’all this so many you can get a better understanding of the way I am. Most people will read this and think I’m crazy, but maybe one person will read this and be inspired.