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rant, depression, creative writeing, blagh
14 years ago
just something that happened at my home not that long ago and i wish i could have responded too...
my brother passes me with his iced beer in hand, same expensive shit he wastes his money on when he could be buying diapers for his baby, maybe some teething tablets. he has just gotten back from the store, and before that he had been playing his game all day, my game time is zilch to none now. he says to me "whats wrong bub? you look down". i reply to him in the same tired and monotone voice i give every day "nothing..." his first reply is this: "oooh, are you sad and angry cause i wont let you play the ps3?" he tries to pull this off in a mock conserned tone. inside my head im snapping back at him...
maybe it is cause i dont get to play, or maybe its cause i let you borrow my shit, my laptop, and get nothing but bitching in return. maybe im fucking rotting in my room because i dont ever get any praise for any of the shiti do around this hellhole. you wont ever know will you? you dont even CARE, do you? i tell you when i get home the truth about my homework, because im sick of lieing, never won me anything. yet you stand there after i tell you what i did, and deny i did any of it, not even asking for proof because you want to live your false acusations. maybe im depressed because at night i hear you screaming at a 3 and a half month old baby because its hungry, or just needs to cry. maybe im tired of being lied to, or being ridiculed because of what i wear or who crushes on me, man or woman. maybe my patiance is slipping, maybe ive been takeing all this crap and more from an emotionaly abusive family that never ends, from you attacking my uncle, to my stepdad attacking me, or maybe its because you yourself are a sick person who feeds of my depression and dont give a fuck whos watching, who you try to controll, and who will try to stop you.... maybe its cause im failing school, maybe its cause i live several lives every day.... but do you care keith? no, you never did, and chances are, you never will you fucking prick...
im not doing any art for a long while, at least not till i start to feel better. chances are, if i dont feel better in the next week, ill end up snapping and yelling, curseing left and right because nobody ever listens to my voice in my house, calls me a failure who can do anything and nothing.... ill be back after i feel better....
my brother passes me with his iced beer in hand, same expensive shit he wastes his money on when he could be buying diapers for his baby, maybe some teething tablets. he has just gotten back from the store, and before that he had been playing his game all day, my game time is zilch to none now. he says to me "whats wrong bub? you look down". i reply to him in the same tired and monotone voice i give every day "nothing..." his first reply is this: "oooh, are you sad and angry cause i wont let you play the ps3?" he tries to pull this off in a mock conserned tone. inside my head im snapping back at him...
maybe it is cause i dont get to play, or maybe its cause i let you borrow my shit, my laptop, and get nothing but bitching in return. maybe im fucking rotting in my room because i dont ever get any praise for any of the shiti do around this hellhole. you wont ever know will you? you dont even CARE, do you? i tell you when i get home the truth about my homework, because im sick of lieing, never won me anything. yet you stand there after i tell you what i did, and deny i did any of it, not even asking for proof because you want to live your false acusations. maybe im depressed because at night i hear you screaming at a 3 and a half month old baby because its hungry, or just needs to cry. maybe im tired of being lied to, or being ridiculed because of what i wear or who crushes on me, man or woman. maybe my patiance is slipping, maybe ive been takeing all this crap and more from an emotionaly abusive family that never ends, from you attacking my uncle, to my stepdad attacking me, or maybe its because you yourself are a sick person who feeds of my depression and dont give a fuck whos watching, who you try to controll, and who will try to stop you.... maybe its cause im failing school, maybe its cause i live several lives every day.... but do you care keith? no, you never did, and chances are, you never will you fucking prick...
im not doing any art for a long while, at least not till i start to feel better. chances are, if i dont feel better in the next week, ill end up snapping and yelling, curseing left and right because nobody ever listens to my voice in my house, calls me a failure who can do anything and nothing.... ill be back after i feel better....
angelthefox
~angelthefox
well get well soon dude
LaffinFox
~laffinfox
I know exactly how you feel.
